Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Trying to make it work

(16 Posts)
cuppateaahhh Wed 05-Aug-15 08:40:56

We've been separated for a few months but he wants to get back together, for me theres no spark but he loves me, we've been out for meals but I don't feel anything for him, I keep saying we will try again but I regret it the next day - he wont take no for an answer and says I haven't tried enough. How am I meant to try if I don't feel anything?!

I'm so fed up..

Ivegottogo Wed 05-Aug-15 08:44:12

You've said it yourself. You don't feel anything. You can't magic feelings you don't have. 'Trying' isn't going to make you love him or be attracted to him.

It sounds like it's over and you are prolonging the agony for you both.

Call it a day and stick to it.

butterflygirl15 Wed 05-Aug-15 08:47:35

Stop trying. And tell him no. You don't need his permission to end the relationship. How dare he put such pressure on you.

daisyJ123 Wed 05-Aug-15 08:57:02

Follow your heart & move on.
You have no feelings for him. Put your energy into other aspects of your life instead of trying to relight this (burned out) fire.

cuppateaahhh Wed 05-Aug-15 09:32:11

I've asked him for a divorce but he wont give me one....he wants to talk at lunchtime. Hes told me to be positive which means he wants it to work - why doesn't he get the message?!

Ivegottogo Wed 05-Aug-15 09:40:19

No! You don't get his permission to divorce. You instigate divorce proceedings yourself. Go to a solicitor and they will guide you through it.

FredaMayor Wed 05-Aug-15 09:41:06

OP, it not up to OH to refuse you a divorce. Have a look at 'contested divorce' and 'divorce by default' online. This deals with a spouse refusing to sign papers or engage in the process. You can still end the marriage, although by a somewhat different route. Good Luck.

butterflygirl15 Wed 05-Aug-15 09:45:05

do not meet him at lunch time. You are not his puppet. Remember, no is a complete sentence.

Ivegottogo Wed 05-Aug-15 09:48:00

I had an awkward ex and a nasty divorce. The worst thing I did though was 'try' again a year after he left when my heart wasn't it. You really have to end it now. If it's difficult now, how bad will it be in six months time?

cuppateaahhh Wed 05-Aug-15 11:58:35

H just keeps saying I haven't given it a chance - but my hearts not in it, I want to move on I keep telling him over and over, my head hurts.

Finola1step Wed 05-Aug-15 12:00:14

Don't meet him.

FredaMayor Wed 05-Aug-15 12:00:45

OP, H needs to tell you precisely why he won't respect your wishes.

butterflygirl15 Wed 05-Aug-15 12:01:18

You have given it a chance. Does he honestly think he can emotionally beat you into submission? It takes 2 to want a relationship. I would say he needs counselling if he really thinks this is the way to behave.

I think you will need to go NC with him. He is not being fair to you in any way, shape or form is he.

cuppateaahhh Wed 05-Aug-15 12:18:08

No he's not being fair, and I do think he thinks he can beat me into submission, he even told friends he'd been chipping away at me. I gave him a chance at dinner last night and we had nothing to talk about apart from our daughter - we have no interests together, he even started being egotistic and called me a 'dick'!! FFS nice way to woo me back...

I need to be strong and ignore him

Jan45 Wed 05-Aug-15 12:24:03

Well if ever you had a wobble him calling you a dick should eradicate that now, move on, he's not for you.

AmnesiaSocks Wed 05-Aug-15 12:30:50

OP, you have to stop meeting him for dinner and telling him that you will give it another go. It is not fair on him, he is getting mixed signals. I don't get the posts that say he is trying to brow beat you, agreeing to meet him is giving him hope. Tell him it is over and stick to it. In any event who wants to have dinner with someone who refers to you as a dick?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now