Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

My son whom I love is relocating

(34 Posts)
bridie69 Wed 05-Aug-15 02:41:46

..not what it seems as a title as he actually already lives abroad in Brussels where he works. He has a good career there and has been successful for his age-27. He has got itchy feet recently and now has 2 opportunities to be posted abroad again 1 in Tokyo 1 in Dublin. I am immensely flattered as he is quiet that he has asked for my advice. His father is dead and he said he respects me and I love that. TBH I know although he didn't say exactly partly he would like to meet someone and hasn't managed it in Br. Although he has friends and work colleagues etc it has really got to him that he has noone special in his life and he sees Br as a work place where people are transient. I am Honestly trying to be objective and not let my own recently rekindled love for all things Hibernian or wanting him not to be too far away cloud my advice. I think he is currently leaning towards Dublin as same language similar culture etc. I know he is my son but hr has so much to offer someone and is a lovely handsome kind and respectful young man I just want to see him happy.He works btw in international development. Both jobs are the same level and pay and prospects. Will be interested to hear your thoughts..

TanteRose Wed 05-Aug-15 02:48:18

Well, I live in Japan, so I would say come on over to Tokyo!

he is still so young - it will be an amazing experience

also, only he can decide - for goodness sake don't guilt him into staying close to you



LadyB49 Wed 05-Aug-15 03:01:09

You gave him wings so he could fly........ in Tokyo the working language will be English anyway.
I have a son now settled in the USA west coast.
The world is small, Skype is wonderful.
Wherever he chooses nothing will change your close relationship.
His smile and wish him well.
Hold the bird in the palm of your hand and let him go free..... he is also free to return.......having had new experiences of life.

Canyouforgiveher Wed 05-Aug-15 03:06:11

What's wrong with taking his wings and flying to Dublin? If he is as nice as you say then why not give Irish women the chance? smile Dublin could be brilliant - it is a really vibrant city, full of young people, very cosmopolitan. he could have a ball.

Anyway, it is up to him OP as you know but personally i think he'd have a less "expat" life in Dublin that could potentially be a lot more fun.

If he works in international development, he will most likely travel for the rest of his life so it isn't like he won't get to see the world.

Morganly Wed 05-Aug-15 03:08:53

The working culture in Japan is very different. He should do some research. Someone I know was working in Japan and his employers wouldn't give him time off to visit his mother in the UK when she was dying.

TanteRose Wed 05-Aug-15 03:11:31

Morganly, that's not the working culture in Japan - that's just a shit company

bridie69 Wed 05-Aug-15 03:20:01

I will not be sad if he goes to Tokyo I just want him to be happy. He has mentioned he spoke to a colleague from the US who had previously been in Ireland to sound out their opinion and they overwhelmingly endorsed Ireland for professional and personal reasons. Japan is a fascinating culture with I think some slightly dark undercurrents..I think he has the chance to visit both places before deciding anyway.

TanteRose Wed 05-Aug-15 03:21:50

"slightly dark undercurrents" hmm

anyhoo, hope he has a fabulous time wherever he decides to go

MyFriendsCallMeOh Wed 05-Aug-15 03:25:24

I moved abroad as soon as I graduated 21 years ago and haven't lived back in England since then. I am extremely grateful for my parents' encouragement and selflessness about my relocating. My dh is British too and his mum can't understand why anyone would choose to live in the UK if they had the opportunity to relocate overseas. We return every summer for a visit, skype regularly, keep a blog of what the kids are up to, we're all on facebook and my dad visits us every year. It's much easier than it used to be.

I understand completely why families get upset about people relocating and I have friends whose families resent the distance. Living overseas isn't always easy and feeling guilt about being apart must make it so much harder. It is a terribly difficult situation but if you can give your ds "roots and wings", he will fulfil his potential.

Glastokitty Wed 05-Aug-15 04:11:58

Tokyo, its a no brainer for me. I'm Irish and wouldn't live in Dublin if you paid me (although I've lived in Belfast and Cork and loved them). Its fun for a weekend, but its dirty, overcrowded has shit weather, over priced accommodation and poor infrastructure. The people are lovely though. Tokyo on the other hand will blow his mind.

winkywinkola Wed 05-Aug-15 07:00:35

Tokyo. It will be such an experience. You could visit him there and see for yourself too.

lastnightiwenttomanderley Wed 05-Aug-15 07:14:45

At 27? Tokyo! Opportunities like that don't come up every often, even if he only does it for a couple of years.

Crosbybeach Wed 05-Aug-15 07:21:48

I lived in Japan for a couple of years, I loved it, the difference, the food, the ease of travelling to other countries near there. Dark undercurrent? What country doesn't have that...

Doraydiego Wed 05-Aug-15 07:23:57

I just don't see how you can advise. It sounds to me that he is seeking your blessing to go further afield. Brussels and Dublin are both so close, it is hardly out of the UK, he doesn't really want your advice, he just wants to know that you would be ok with him going to the other side of the world!

Skiptonlass Wed 05-Aug-15 07:28:57


I've lived abroad in various places (still do now) and it's an amazing experience. I'd have regretted it so much if I hadn't gone. I did worry about how I'd get home if something happened to my parents but we always keep in close contact. Working and living abroad has opened my eyes and boosted my career.

I'd say a couple of things.

1. It's not forever. He's very young and lots of international postings last a few years only. It's a huge opportunity and being known as someone who can cope cross culturally is a big boost to your career.
2. If he feels even the slightest pressure or that you'd be sad if he went to Tokyo and he chooses Dublin solely to be near you, he may well end up with some resentment which could damage your relationship
3. He's your son, and he loves you. He will always be close to you and with the Internet/what's app/Skype etc he can always be in close contact.

I'd choose Tokyo - give him wings, he will always come back to you smile

ItMustBeBedtimeSurely Wed 05-Aug-15 07:35:48

Honestly, I think you should refrain from offering an opinion - tell him both sound wonderful and only he can decide.

MixedBerrys Wed 05-Aug-15 07:39:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tribpot Wed 05-Aug-15 07:41:46

I would say Tokyo without a doubt. Fantastic opportunity to stretch himself and a fabulous base for exploring that side of the world. Plus whilst you're in good health (which I assume you are) it will be easier for him to be far away than perhaps when you are older and need more support.

MrsPeabody Wed 05-Aug-15 07:43:30

I think he needs to decide himself.

Personally I wouldn't live in Dublin. The people are lovely, but I didn't feel the big businesses have distributed their wealth or integrated very well. Many professionals just stay there Mon - Fri and then head back home. So he would probably still have the same transient problem.

Not lived in Tokyo so can't really comment.

TanteRose Wed 05-Aug-15 07:43:58

Population of Dublin - 525,383

Population of Tokyo - 13.22 million

He'll have more choice in Tokyo grin

Lightbulbon Wed 05-Aug-15 07:55:45

Well if finding a DP is what he wants then a transient lifestyle in any location isn't going to help.

Is he intending on moving every couple of years indefinitely? I certainly wouldn't want a DP who expected me to give up my home, friends, family, work every couple of years to follow a DP around the world. And I definitely wouldn't want to raise DCs like that.

MixedBerrys Wed 05-Aug-15 08:13:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TanteRose Wed 05-Aug-15 08:24:10

no I know, I was half joking, Mixed! just such a huge difference...

cecinestpasunepipe Wed 05-Aug-15 08:25:05

Tokyo. What a wonderful opportunity for him to experience another culture. Also, unless I have missed something, would be able to visit him, and experience it for yourself. Both my dd and dss have lived in the far east, and I have had the amazing experience of visiting China three times, and Taiwan twice. Sorry, too many "experiences" there, but that is surely what it is all about, and helps us grow as human beings.

cecinestpasunepipe Wed 05-Aug-15 08:26:47

PS. You sound fantastic, by the way.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now