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Would you see this as a sign of insecurity?

(27 Posts)
ProfessorPickles Tue 04-Aug-15 21:07:17

I was in a relationship with a man which only lasted four months but felt a lot longer (is that always a bad thing?) and we mutually decided to split as he wanted to travel and I wasn't happy with how little we were getting to see each other. He was very busy with work and hobbies but it at times felt like everything else was prioritised over me.

Since splitting I've been getting on with life happily enough but he keeps messaging me in the early hours when he has been out drinking saying he loves me. He then doesn't contact me when sober for weeks at a time.

I've always thought that people were honest and open when drunk but with him I suspect it's a lonely desperate need for attention or something like this?
If he actually loved me he'd be in my life surely?

I do think a lot of him but I have no intention of restarting a relationship either now or in the future, I'm just wondering what others make of his messages?

QuiteLikely5 Tue 04-Aug-15 21:08:34

Could he be wanting no strings sex?

ProfessorPickles Tue 04-Aug-15 21:18:44

It's possible yes, I know he doesn't sleep around and says he can only have sex with people he cares for and feels comfortable with. I am his last partner for a while so I'd be the obvious choice!

I just get "I love you xxxx" and that's it, it just seems bizarre behaviour to me.

ProfessorPickles Tue 04-Aug-15 21:59:42

Do you think he does it because he's maybe feeling in the mood?

FolkGirl Tue 04-Aug-15 22:05:57

I think you should block him and then it won't happen again.

I have an ex who occasionally emails me when he's pissed and feeling maudlin. He tells me he misses me or laments another failed relationship...

Just block.

excitedbutscared Tue 04-Aug-15 22:09:33

I think that maybe he is being truthful when he says he loves you, but when sober, has commitment issues because of fear or is just a commitment phobe so can't see it through

Shame really

AnyFucker Tue 04-Aug-15 22:11:32

I'd think he was a knob

tribpot Tue 04-Aug-15 22:18:57

Quite. The guy contacts you when pissed, who knows what he hopes will happen, presumably some kind of lovey-dovey convo to cheer him up, then you hear sweet FA when he's sober.

This is not in vino veritas, this is in vino wankertas. Don't waste your time trying to decide if he is desperately insecure and pining for you - it reads more like an emotional booty call. Tell him to stop doing it and see what his reaction is. Or just block him.

ALaughAMinute Tue 04-Aug-15 22:19:01

If he wanted to be with you he would. Block him.

FolkGirl Tue 04-Aug-15 22:19:35

I'd think he was a knob

Haha yes, exactly!

How he really feels? Please.

Just ignore him. He's indulging his alcohol induced self pity, which is why you don't hear from him in between.

ProfessorPickles Tue 04-Aug-15 22:21:22

My gut instinct is that he is insecure and unhappy even though he acts quite confident. He has an issue with the way he looks which I know makes him miserable and I think a dash of a fear of commitment comes into it too.
I feel he gets drunk then extremely unhappy so seeks reassurance?

I also wonder if it's none of that and he could just be a knob too AnyFucker.

AnyFucker Tue 04-Aug-15 22:29:04

Oh please

Stop trying to turn him into some sad Little Boy Lost who would be saved by the love of a good woman


block and ignore

iloverunning36 Tue 04-Aug-15 22:34:47

If there was a like button then I'd put it on any fuckers post. Sorry if u sound harsh but I doubt he is posting on a mens forum to get advice on how to woo you. There are millions of men on the planet, dismiss him and find other possiblities. Good luck. flowers

iloverunning36 Tue 04-Aug-15 22:35:18

Also what is his issue with his looks?

ProfessorPickles Tue 04-Aug-15 22:39:08

I am in no way suggesting he needs the love of a woman to save him hmm
I don't feel that is the case and I couldn't be less willing to be that woman!

I do feel he has issues though but he needs to sort them himself, a relationship won't do him any favours.

I don't know how to say what his problem with the way he looks is without outing myself. It is an uncommon problem and it's damaged his body considerably

FolkGirl Tue 04-Aug-15 22:39:19

Some women are far too keen to view men as poor, vulnerable little things who need rescuing. They are not.

FolkGirl Tue 04-Aug-15 22:40:36

X post.

Why don't you just block him then?

ProfessorPickles Tue 04-Aug-15 22:45:55

I have blocked him since starting the thread folk girl, I didn't do it sooner as I was hoping to stay in touch as friends and hear about his travels but recently I've become bored of his messages, I tolerated them for a bit as I thought he was just being stupid but it's got to the point where I no longer care as he clearly doesn't want to be friends!

I don't know if it sounds daft but it feels quite a relief that's he's blocked and that I'll no longer wake up and see "I love you" and go eurghhh and roll my eyes anymore grin

AnyFucker Tue 04-Aug-15 22:46:30

if you can't and don't even want to "cure" him, why are you still letting him into your headspace ?

do you reckon he even thinks about you imbetween his drunken "show me attention" missives ?

and here you are, angsting on a chat site about his motives

AnyFucker Tue 04-Aug-15 22:47:20

x posted

yep, block him...good move smile

Hellochicken Tue 04-Aug-15 22:49:03

I wouldn't say insecurity, either a booty call type message or just alcohol talking. He probably has some feelings for you, but like you said, the relationship didn't work.
Alcohol isn't truth serum.

ProfessorPickles Tue 04-Aug-15 22:49:14

Because although I don't wish to be in a relationship with him I do care about him AnyFucker and I am guilty of being an over thinker in general, I can't help but analyse things it's a bad habit.

It isn't playing on my mind or upsetting me I'm just curious about his odd messages and didn't want to discuss it with anyone in RL.

AnyFucker Tue 04-Aug-15 22:52:56

I don't think the messages (unless there are others of a different nature, like "the moon is made of green cheese" or summat) are remotely "odd"

ProfessorPickles Tue 04-Aug-15 22:53:25

As I've got older I've become very blunt and honest even if it's a difficult subject, I wish people would do the same!
"Sex?" Would have been preferable to "I love you" if that's what he's getting at then a "no thank you" from me. Simple!

ProfessorPickles Tue 04-Aug-15 22:55:01

I suppose messages like that would be a bit weirder than I love you!

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