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would this be fair (if) we tried again or is there even any point

(11 Posts)
ghostspirit Tue 04-Aug-15 20:43:49

i was seeing someone he treated me nice,made me feel wanted. i became pregnant. he done a runner 3 times. in end i ended the relationship but not just because of that. he was not that good with my kids would tell them we going chessington/seaside never happend and i told him not to promise them things that wont happen. i also told him that he needs to include my children in some things. he said his relationship is with me not with my children. he probably does not even remember saying them things though.

im thinking of saying to him if we were to try again then he has to accept my children and include them.

but then im also thinking is there any point? i cant go out dont have childcare/baby sitter.

and in general im really shit at relationships

fastdaytears Tue 04-Aug-15 20:45:25

Do you now have his child? Nothing you're saying is unfair but honestly I think you deserve better than this. Your DC are not a nuisance to be negotiated.

Cabrinha Tue 04-Aug-15 20:51:14

He's dumped you three times already lovey. Sometimes, I don't like to judge from a short internet post. But I'm 100% comfortable here saying this one isn't right for you.

Walk away. And if you feel shit at relationships, I can tell you it's because you put up with shit - like this. If you want good relationships, stay single until you work out WHY you put up with it. There's better out there for you, I promise. Single is better for you than someone who let's you and your children down, and repeatedly walks out on you.

ghostspirit Tue 04-Aug-15 20:56:16

yes baby is now 15 weeks

think maybe im just feeling a bit lonely and forgetting why i ended the relationship in the first place

Cabrinha Tue 04-Aug-15 20:58:14

Well write it down to remind yourself.
Alongside a line that says "lonely is better than with an arsehole".

Cabrinha Tue 04-Aug-15 21:00:46

I actually have some sympathy with a new partner wanting to be with you, not your kids. I think when it becomes serious it would be odd not to want to spend some time with them - if you love someone, you're interested in everything about them, and kids are a big part of that! But I think you can have a relationship without the new partner playing 'daddy', though it limits their involvement in your life.

But that changes when he decided to create a half sibling for them!

magoria Tue 04-Aug-15 21:15:15

No.

Your kids deserve better.

KatieScarlettreregged Tue 04-Aug-15 21:19:31

No. Really no.
He's an arse. Better alone than being constantly mortified by the embarrassing mistake you stupidly decided to give a 4th chance to.
No, you are better than that.

ghostspirit Tue 04-Aug-15 22:19:14

it was 3 times within a week. over the situation of me being preg.

Thankyou cab i dont normally put up with crap. i end the relationship as soon as i think there might be any form of hurt.

i agree about the getting to know me before the kids thing. but in 18 years i had been out less than 10 times without them. then suddenly im out average of twice a week. and my kids are suddenly seeing mum go out and it would make them feel pushed out.

plus i dont have baby sitter anymore so i cant go out anyway. which means we cant have one to one anyway. so thats the part that makes me think whats the point.

but then also why was he only suddenly intrested in his son once i went csa...

oh i dont know...i got 5 kids who would want me anyway

Cabrinha Tue 04-Aug-15 23:58:38

It doesn't have to make them feel pushed out. Plenty of parents go out that much. To see friends, as much as boyfriends! They need to accept that. Although with a tiny baby at the moment, it won't be so much just now! It's OK to have a life away from them too, it really is. And they need to understand that.

Is your oldest living with you rent free? If so, there's babysitter - when this new one is older.

You've been unlucky with this one, throw him back. But keep that CSA involvement!

Sounds like an unplanned pregnancy so I might forgive a wobble all in the same week. Maybe. But it sounds to me like there's reason to dump him aside from that anyway. Like not being interested in his son for a start!

As for thinking no-one will want you... well OK, some people will vote themselves out because you have kids. But others won't. And all the while you think you're lucky if someone does, and no-one will, you're going to put up with losers like this last one.

Don't date until YOU feel that having kids isn't an issue.

ghostspirit Wed 05-Aug-15 13:03:51

oldest one cant baby sit...cant rely on her/trust her....anyway i have some thinking to do.

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