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DH does not fully support me going no contact with his parents

(5 Posts)
April2013 Tue 04-Aug-15 20:19:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aprilanne Tue 04-Aug-15 22:06:39

i understand how you feel about cutting contact .my inlaws a major nightmare .it would take me all night .one small example my hubby in hospital at the moment mental health problems .but its my fault everything is my fault ..i agree you don,t have to see them .but i don,t understand why he would be proud of you its not the kind of thing to praise .just stay away or you will end up like me .still visiting but detesting them .

pallasathena Sat 08-Aug-15 11:10:23

Go with your instincts. My in-laws are really awful and have caused us so much hurt over the years with their interference and attempts to label me as someone I'm truly not that I have zero contact and refuse to go to any family occasions with them now.

What's odd though is that during the years when I was genuinely making an effort with them they were mean and dismissive with me. Since I've gone n/c they fall over themselves to invite me to stuff. Which I always turn down!

I don't get it either. But life is better with them out there on the margins thought I encourage dh to see them as often as he wants to.

And I won't change my mind. Too much damage was done by them. They're nasty people sadly.

daisydukes229 Sat 08-Aug-15 11:14:29

He doesn't have to be pleased for you or proud of you as long as he is supporting you, which he is?

SolidGoldBrass Sat 08-Aug-15 13:43:12

If he's not pressuring you to see them then that's good enough. Yes, they sound horrible, and it sounds reasonable that you would rather avoid them. However, they are his parents, and his relationship with them is something for him to choose. You can't demand that he cuts contact with them as well: that's not up to you.
Also, expecting him to be 'pleased and proud' is a bit much. He's probably feeling guilty and miserable because, horrible though they are, they are his parents, and children of abusive parents often feel pretty conflicted about the relationship. Be wary of crowing that you have 'won' and expecting him to admire you for putting him in an upsetting position.
It's not that you are wrong for restricting your own relationship with them, but you are being thoughtless, demanding and arrogant by insisting that your H praise you for altering his relationship with them.

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