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wtf happened?

(24 Posts)
jml2012 Tue 04-Aug-15 14:08:04

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TheSilveryPussycat Tue 04-Aug-15 16:50:36

How long was the relationship, and how long since you got out? It takes time to recover. Be kind to yourself.

jml2012 Tue 04-Aug-15 17:09:57

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goddessofsmallthings Tue 04-Aug-15 17:29:06

It's not necessary to have witnessed the horrors of war to develop post traumatic stress disorder and what have you said sounds very much as if you have become afflicted by ptsd.

Some recent research indicates that those who are encouraged to re-live what took place by repeatedly telling the story of what happened to them recover quicker than those who internalise their experiences.

CBT and hynotherapy may be of benefit to you, as can having support from those who are able to listen in a non-judgemental manner while helping you to process what occurred to the point where you see your fears as exactly what they are, which is a state of mind that has no place in your current non-toxic reality.

How often do you see him, what contact do you have with him, and what questions are you continually asking yourself?

cloudlessskies Tue 04-Aug-15 17:42:43

I think the way you are feeling is a normal response of someone who is loyal and loving and who is feeling very very hurt. Once you have sorted out the legalities of access to your DC you need to have as little contact as possible with him. That is the only way to move on and start healing. Good luck.

zarzu Tue 04-Aug-15 18:09:35

i was like this after me and ex split. i couldnt go anywhere on my own without having a panic attack. i think its disgusting how one person can make you so affraid to live your own life.

jml2012 Tue 04-Aug-15 18:25:24

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jml2012 Tue 04-Aug-15 18:27:51

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Cocalite Tue 04-Aug-15 18:28:18

It takes time; a long time. BUT it will get better.

zarzu Tue 04-Aug-15 18:31:28

I relived it all for a while but i have now moved on. It is possible, it just takes time

jml2012 Tue 04-Aug-15 18:36:31

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jml2012 Tue 04-Aug-15 18:40:56

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jml2012 Tue 04-Aug-15 18:46:06

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jml2012 Tue 04-Aug-15 18:55:58

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jml2012 Tue 04-Aug-15 21:21:24

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zarzu Tue 04-Aug-15 22:29:36

People like that always think of themselves and always feel sorry for themselves, they really are pathetic. Dont be sorry for venting, its healthy to get it all out. I kept everything a secret from people when i was going through it. My ex turned into a stalker, waiting outside my house, hiding round corners and jumping out at me, it was scary. I couldnt leave the house without being scared. I changed my number so he snook into my house to find my new number. He wouldnt stop ringing when i wouldnt answer but whenever i did answer he was vile and had me in tears begging him to leave me alone. He threatened to rape me and said one day he could see himself killing me. Psycho! I swear he was a sociopath, he had no true remorse or feeling. I actually cant believe i let him get to me so much

jml2012 Tue 04-Aug-15 22:53:52

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zarzu Tue 04-Aug-15 23:44:49

I did contact the police about a restraining order but they said someone would have to come out to interview me and that scared the crap out of me, i was scared he would see the police at mine and the situation would get worse. He was very violent so its no wonder i was scared. The woman on the phone was lovely and practically begged me to get help because of my son. In the end what helped was a drunken night on the town with my older sister, i opened up and told her everything who in turn told my parents and my close friends were told and they all helped to protect me. I remember once i went to the shop on my own and he was there with a metal pole, threatened to hit me with it but then a group of my friends walked by, saw what was going on and all but ine chased him away (my friends were guys, get on with them better) the one that stayed behind just hugged me while i cried. He is now the god father of my youngest. Sorry for telling you all of this, i havent really opened up completely to everyone, just the basics. Guess it helps talking to a stranger. Have you got any evidence of his behaviour to show the court?

jml2012 Wed 05-Aug-15 06:34:48

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zarzu Wed 05-Aug-15 09:20:18

I would print them off just incase, you never know, they might come in handy. I have a memory card full of messages that i had sreen shot and a video of him kicking off in my garden trying to get into my house incase he ever crops up to cause trouble again. I think people like that are brilliant at playing with people minds, they know just what to say to keep you imder their thumb but they also know just what will cause you to break down. Its like life and other people are just a game to them. I dont understand how they can be like they are because im the complete opposite, im always thinking about how my actions or words could effect people. Im not sure how everything works in spain, will the divorce process be harder there than it os here?

jml2012 Wed 05-Aug-15 10:52:43

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zarzu Wed 05-Aug-15 13:56:23

Yes it is relevant, your daughyer would have picked up on his behaviour and the vibes he gives off even if he didnt act like that around her and that does effect her. It sounds to me like his family knows he has issues and intentionally kept things sweet so's not to set him off. Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, it really messes with your head and damages your self esteem. I hope they do take it into account. My ds dad hasnt seen him in years, i cut all contact, deleted facebook, changed number and i now live somewhere new so there is no way he could find me, the only people who know where i am are family and very close friends that i can trust with my life so i know he will never find out. Im also with a new partner amd extremely happy with him, its a great feeling when you find someone who treats you so well after all the shit you have gone through. It makes you realise 'oh, i really didn't deserve what he did to me'.

jml2012 Wed 05-Aug-15 18:06:15

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zarzu Wed 05-Aug-15 23:49:02

Im mot sure how the medical profession works where youbare but you should keep persisting if you really think you have it. I found it hard to trust people at first but luckily i met my partner years ago when i was a teenager and were good friends back then so it was easier to trust him

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