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how can i help dp through depression?

(12 Posts)
BeansInBoots Tue 04-Aug-15 12:15:38

Hes so stressed out with work, we have two preschool dc, wedding at the end of the year, saving for a mortgage.. Early 20s. We have a lot going on atm and dp is pulling away from everyone. We had a sit down ans it transpires that hes really finding work hard, and that hes just not enjoying anythjng. Finding it hard to relax, saying he isng enjoying the children and doesnt seem to be able to have fun anymore. Depression and stress sprung to mind.

Hes not keen on going to the drs, as they will just medicate him, until hes given it a good go at beating this himself... But tbh i dont even know where to start.

Weve talked about improving his diet to help with his energy levels, and me doing more of the nights with the dc so he can get more unbroken sleep.. But what else?

Fuckup Tue 04-Aug-15 14:43:45

God you sound like an amazingly supportive partner. It's hard living with someones who is depressed so make sure you take care of yourself too, you can't afford for u both to be Ill.

I suffer from depression and things that help me are eating well (3 meals a day) regular contact with friends, or a chance to blow off steam such as a night out or hobby, and sleep. 5 htp might be worth a try (less invasive than adps- but do Google it first to make sure its suitable).

Sorry I don't have an exact solution, I'm still suffering with it. but good on you for being so supportive. I hope someone else has some more suggestions for you.

Jan45 Tue 04-Aug-15 14:53:56

Exercise is an excellent booster for depression, he needs to go to the docs though, doesn't have to take any medication but could perhaps have his blood sugar levels checked etc.

Offred Tue 04-Aug-15 15:46:01

Hes not keen on going to the drs, as they will just medicate him, until hes given it a good go at beating this himself

Bad mistake IMO. He doesn't have to be medicated if he doesn't want to be. He just needs to explain to the doctor he sees that he wants to try other things first.

You should not take on the role of carer if he is not minded to seek outside help for things I think.

When someone has an issue that is bad enough to start affecting their home life in a negative way part of recovering is taking responsibility for yourself and not putting everything on your partner IMO.

Has he explained why he is so resistant to meds? They may not be his preference but they may be the most appropriate treatment though they are not the only one. Sometimes you have to suck up your pride for the sake of your wellbeing and that of others around you.

Offred Tue 04-Aug-15 15:46:37


Offred Tue 04-Aug-15 15:47:25

It's the doctor he should be speaking to about treatment, not you.

Offred Tue 04-Aug-15 15:49:00

Apart from anything else you can't do blood tests to exclude a physical base. All the diet and exercise in the world isn't going to help if the issue is caused by something like a hypothyroid for example.

Offred Tue 04-Aug-15 15:53:05

At the very least he needs a diagnosis and some options discussing with the doc and at that point he can make decisions about what treatment he has and you can start looking at options to support him.

Offred Tue 04-Aug-15 15:54:37

Could you support him by going to the docs with him? Help him to explain he'd prefer not to be medicated if that's how he feels?

Fuckup Tue 04-Aug-15 16:17:01

Offred, not all doctors have the resource or desire to offer other solutions. my gp was very blunt, adps and group therapy course or nothing. Maybe that's different in other parts of the country,but mental health services where are I am are notoriously crap.

That being said it is still definitely worth a go with the medical route,just don't expect too much. The hardest thing for me was realising that even if you ask for help often there is not much there.

Offred Tue 04-Aug-15 16:24:52

Doctors may be limited in terms of treatment options because of funding but they certainly are the only people who can provide someone with the basic starting point of a diagnosis and blood tests to exclude a physical base to the symptoms.

If it's caused by something physical there is literally no other way of finding out and if you've had physical things excluded that's when it is reasonable to conclude it's a mental health problem.

Doctors can still be supportive and helpful even if the treatments available are limited. Last time I was being treated by my GP for example he made regular appointments with me to check up on how things were going. He was interested to learn what things I'd found from charitable organisations so that he could advise other patients where else they could go if the NHS was lacking.

Not all doctors are as good at that but all of them should do the most basic thing - diagnosis and treatment options.

Avoiding going when you need to is not a sign things will work out well.

Offred Tue 04-Aug-15 16:27:22

If one GP isn't any good, try another till you find one you like. Different doctors suite different people and different problems.

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