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Feel foolish

(3 Posts)
samuel32 Tue 04-Aug-15 10:35:48

So I feel like a fool,

I met a girl who had a boyfriend, we were friends and everything fine. We seemed to hang around a lot and when she split up with her boyfriend we started getting closer. At first I thought am I a rebound, we left things for a while. I did develop feelings and we both realised... wow, we like each other and have done since we first met. We looked back on times where we were both going to say something but didn't for fear of losing a friendship and the fact that we both finally did was great.

Unfortunately I had to go away with work for two months so wouldn't be living near her, so we agreed to see how things develop rather than commit. Then I thought, this is stupid, yeah I'm away from her but I rang her and said lets date now rather than wait, so we arranged a date.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere things started changing, being as we could only ring and message each other until the date, little silly arguments started to develop because words got misinterpreted on messages. I also had a health scare and my Dad was rushed into hospital for two weeks recovering from a fall. I told her about my Dad but didn't tell her about my health scare for fear of worrying her. So it was stressful for me but she seemed to start criticising me for silly things really. She said I had changed... I had changed because we were apart and only communicating through messages. I will admit that I went a little intense and probably rang her too much but I was trying to make up for the fact that we weren't together and trying to make up for lost time in the sense that we'd liked each other for ages. I don't think I went overboard though and before she started being weird she had said she was crazy missing me and loved me and wanted to be with me.

I asked her whether we were still gong to date and she seemed dismissive and didn't want to talk about it. She said I had gone too intense and wanted to cool things off. So I did and respected that and I thought when I finish my work project and get back after two months, at least we can see each other and talk rather than have this weird message/phone thing.

I made a mistake at this point and sent her the classic long message, telling her everything... that didn't go down well but even after this she never called it off. She also rang me on my birthday saying how she loved me. So I did the drunken letter she did the drunken call hahahaha.

Anyway I thought, right once I get back we can put this silliness behind us and move on... two weeks after her drunken phone call she is in a relationship with someone else... gutted, absolutely heartbroken. I know the distance thing wasn't working but I don't think I did anything majorly wrong, it was circumstances rather than anything. If I'd sat back and done nothing whilst I was away from her I could understand if she found someone else.

She wants to be friends but I just don't know, I feel she led me on, she said we were dating yet didn't actually want to meet me, she told me she loved me. I know it will sound silly but I do feel like a relationship has ended because the emotional feelings were there and that's what's hard to get over. I feel she has just gone for the easy option of dating someone near her rather than being prepared to meet me.

I know the usual advice of plenty more fish in the sea is apt here and that is true but I find this whole situation really odd because we went from being great to her dating someone else in such a short space of time and I feel foolish.

Tucktalking Wed 05-Aug-15 10:05:43

If you liked her and she liked you, then just being friends with her may help you understand her better. It may give your relationship another chance.
Meanwhile you may like to check online on things like how to text a woman etc. so you can think about how to get things right. Sometimes you just need some time apart to think about things and let things settle down in your mind. This is true at the beginning of a relationship as people are all different and it takes time to understand them and their behaviours. Being just friends with her will help you decide whether she is worth it or not.

Joysmum Wed 05-Aug-15 10:25:54

All of this in only 2 months of you being away? If she couldn't wait 2 months then be careful, even if she splits up with the current boyfriend.

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