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Adult bullying

(10 Posts)
wiseoldbird68 Mon 03-Aug-15 17:40:15

Quick update...My 6 year old daughter had a few friends over for a playdate as she hadn't seen them all summer. Knowing my neighbour (who's an exercise instructor) has a daughter that doesn't mix well with this group, I tell the neighbour (Aerobics Queen) that we're busy that afternoon. It's fair enough, I think, as her two kids have already spent the morning in my house.

Upshot..AQ is furious and loses her temper, shouting at me in the street. Accuses me of having a party, not inviting her kids to deliberately hurt them and says I have never been her friend. At first I apologise and feel I have done the wrong thing. But a comment from another friend makes me realise that AQ is a control freak and i've accommodated her behaviour over the years, used for childcare and playdates.

AQ then tells her story to all our neighbours, all the school mums and to all her clients in every class she gives. Before long half the neighbours ignore me, and one by one ,many of the mums I know on a "quick hello" basis start to blank me. To my face AQ tries to maintain that all is fine. I then make my fatal mistake which is to slowly to withdraw my favours and friendship as I can't stand being in the same room as her.

I'm posting this FIVE years after it happened. The reason I am posting now is that my child's class has just been amalgamated with AQ's child's class. That means I now have half a class of mums who don't speak to me as they believed all the lies AQ told. I have tolerated this for 5 years and held my nerve knowing that this woman has spread lies about me all this time. I am always nice to people and have over time had some mums start to talk to me again. I do feel as though I have been bullied by her.

Any advice?

Floggingmolly Mon 03-Aug-15 17:43:30

You've been ostracised for 5 years by all the parents of your kids classmates because they believe you didn't invite some random children to a party?? That sounds pretty unbelievable, tbh.

Jan45 Mon 03-Aug-15 17:43:54

So you lied at the time and she then found out her daughter had been excluded, I'd be pissed off to in her shoes.

As for slandering your, that's completely OTT and would have cut contact for that reason alone, if others believer her gossip then they are as bad as her.

All you can do is ignore her. People who meet you, even briefly will judge you on your character and presentation, not on some daft story about someone's kid not being invited to your house, who actually cares.

Newtobecomingamum Mon 03-Aug-15 17:48:31

I seriously wouldn't waste my time on this crap. So what if your neighbour and other mums don't want to talk to you. As long as your child is happy and it's not affecting her with her class mates etc is just let it go. Your letting this build and fester into something bigger in your head. Move on x

wiseoldbird68 Mon 03-Aug-15 17:54:50

To flogging molly: I have been ostracised by a group of mums who surround this woman, not an entire class full. Sad you don't believe me as this type of behaviour happens in many school playgrounds and women are just too quick to bitch and gossip about each other.

LilyMayViolet Mon 03-Aug-15 18:00:09

I believe you op. I had a huge falling out with a former friend several years ago. I tried and tried to resolve it, she wouldn't budge. She was queen bee at the school and turned several people against me. Some of them have still not spoken to me again and a couple of others can barely bring themselves to say hello.

It was a horrible time (occasionally still is) but you just have to hold your head up high and ignore them. Just go to school, do your thing, talk to people who are not inviolved and act like it doesn't bother you

It's absolutely horrible though I know.

wiseoldbird68 Mon 03-Aug-15 18:08:00

Lilymayviolet describes exactly the situation that I find myself in. Thanks for your comments and support. I keep this situation exactly where it belongs, in a very small box buried somewhere deep but occasionally it's good to reach out and ask for advice/support.

Getuhda348 Mon 03-Aug-15 18:08:40

I would just be friendly reguardless of what they are like with you. Some will soon come to realise the truth and those who don't are not worth your time. Also it's will kill AQ to see you smiley and happy reguardless grin

LilyMayViolet Mon 03-Aug-15 18:21:32

It's absolutely awful. I used to think mums who fell out like that were ridiculous until it happened to me and then it was actually quite devastating. People who used to be my good friends ignoring me and spreading horrible rumours about myself and my family. If I could have moved I would have.

One thing I would say is that I now realise, some years on, that a few people that I thought were part of it actually knew nothing about it at all. My own feelings of anger and sadness had made me a bit paranoid. Also, although it's been absolutely awful, it did make me a bit tougher. I'm a massive people pleaser who always avoided confrontation and now I see that sometimes you should stand up for yourself and if not everyone likes you it's not the end of the world. Hold your head up high and carry on regardless. X

amarmai Mon 03-Aug-15 21:03:47

Take comfort in the fact that she is no longer using you for babysitting etc - which means she is using others and they will sooner or later withdraw as you did. Eventually the balance will tip and she will be short of 'friends' . Also tell your side of it - otherwise she can lie unchallenged.

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