Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Ending a relationship?

(16 Posts)
cuppateaahhh Mon 03-Aug-15 13:15:19

I wasn't in a relationship as such but seeing someone for nearly a year, some things have come to light and I don't feel the same way as I did.. How do I finish it? I feel bad about it for some reason, I tried to finish it before but got talked back round?! Theres a trip that's booked in a few weeks and Im not sure I want to go with him..

TheMarxistMinx Mon 03-Aug-15 13:21:31

What ever things have come to light, list them as your reasons. You can only be talked around if you want to be.

pocketsaviour Mon 03-Aug-15 13:21:32

Definitely end things before the trip, you don't want to get stuck with him away from home!

If you don't feel up to finishing it in person, due to fearing he'll talk you round, send him a text. All you need to say is along the lines of "Sorry, this isn't working for me any more, so it's best we end things. All the best."

If he messages back after that with any crap, then block his number from your phone (actually block, don't just delete.) Also block on FB or any other social sites.

Then start enjoying the rest of your life smile

category1 Mon 03-Aug-15 13:22:05

If he's got a habit of talking you round or guilting you into sticking with it, just say your piece and cut contact. ( I'm in favour of the dump-text if you know he'll persuade you.) If you decide now, he or you have time to ask a friend on the trip instead or maybe get the money back.

Just do it. grin

PanGalaticGargleBlaster Mon 03-Aug-15 13:43:48

In the words of Homer Simpson

"Welcome to Dumpsville.....population...you"

InTheBox Mon 03-Aug-15 13:58:54

These sorts of double standards are astonishing! If OP had come on here as the 'dumped' party saying 'he texted me to tell me it's over, he's not going on the trip etc' everyone would be up in arms.

OP, unless he's abusive in any form then all you need to do is have a conversation in which you say that it's not working for you. If he asks why then say because 'xyz' or because 'it just isn't working.' Don't force yourself to do anything out of niceness or 'gently' letting down. He's not the one for you so let him know. Don't be talked round again as that's just offering him false hope. Once done, happily get on with your life.

cuppateaahhh Mon 03-Aug-15 14:05:47

Thanks inthebox I hate getting myself in these situations, I hate confrontation arghhh

Katie2001 Mon 03-Aug-15 14:50:17

I agree with having a conversation with him, it's the fair thing to do. It's a tough one, but better than the alternative of passive aggression or just disappearing (both of which are ultimately far more hurtful).

Joysmum Mon 03-Aug-15 15:44:37

I agree, it should be fine in person and if reasons are needed then it's just that although things have been good, you don't feel like it's the right relationship to be forever.

pocketsaviour Mon 03-Aug-15 15:52:39

Disagree wholly inthebox and other posters - I would far, far rather get a text or email saying it's over than get it sprung on me in person where I might not be able to formulate a dignified response.

Especially in this case where OP has said he's talked her round before. Nobody is owed a full discussion of what's not working for them in a relationship; closure isn't a right.

category1 Mon 03-Aug-15 16:01:20

It's not a double standard, or not for me anyway because I have no issue with either party in a relatively short-term relationship ending it by text or email or phone call or whatever method. I think this thing about it having to be face to face and anything else as cowardly is kinda fucked up. It's not always practical, it can drag it out and who wants to make an effort to go see someone in order to be dumped? Most of us conduct a large portion of our social lives through text and Internet and that covers endings sometimes too.

And the sooner it's done, the more chance of someone getting to enjoy the trip or the money rather than gritting their teeth through it.

InTheBox Mon 03-Aug-15 16:46:43

pocketsaviour Good thing she's not breaking up with you then.
I didn't say closure is a right but taking in consideration some of the responses OP got e.g. "welcome to dumpsville, population one" she should say to him in no uncertain terms that it's just not going to work for her.

The point here is to get that message across, doesn't matter what medium, be it through e-mail, text, phone or meeting but she should get that across.
And yes it is a double standard as had it been OP who'd just found herself abandoned there'd have been cries of 'just forget him', 'he doesn't matter', 'you're better off.' Not saying those aren't true but there are double standards like it or not.

SanityClause Mon 03-Aug-15 17:02:33

Text, email, letter, pigeon.

It doesn't matter how you do it. So what if some MNers think you're "cowardly". You just need to do it.

(I think the "welcome to dumpsville..." line might be a joke? shock wink)

category1 Mon 03-Aug-15 17:09:42

No-one has recommended not telling him directly or "abandoning" him. You yourself say the medium doesn't matter in your second post.. So I'm struggling to see what your point is.

I'd say comforting things to anyone who gets dumped, doesn't mean the other person did the wrong thing in dumping them. There's no right or nice way of doing it so that no-one's feelings get hurt. If someone is persuasive it is better not to engage than get talked around again and be back wanting out a few weeks down the line:- that's no good for anybody.

His mates get to tell him he's better off. With a fair amount of accuracy, because he'll be free to find someone who does want to be with him.

cuppateaahhh Tue 04-Aug-15 11:30:58

Well just to let you know, I emailed him this morning and said I'm not happy and I need space and I said to not try and talk me round, I said its best to cancel the hotels.

He rang me twice but I ignored and deleted messenger, he then emailed me back to say he's heartbroken and tried to make me happy and there was a bigger picture.

I don't feel sad, I think I've done the right thing.

SolidGoldBrass Tue 04-Aug-15 11:37:51

You have done the right thing. No one is owed a relationship, and if a person is hurt by being dumped, sorry but tough shit.

The only thing you might 'owe' him would be your share of the holiday cost if he ends up out of pocket (though only if you would have been paying it anyway.)

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now