Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

am i being silly

(15 Posts)
mummyof2since2010 Sun 02-Aug-15 22:27:54

so am I being silly. my husband has always been close to his sister inlaw. shes has never been that nice to me. commenting on how im not go enough for my husband etc. recently it feels like hes become her moral support and she is always calling and asking for his advice. her husband (my husbands brother) doesn't seem to mind about their relationship. other family members have questioned how much she relies on my husband and made comments like, doesn't she have a husband of her own. its always bothered me but now its always on my mind. ive confronted my husband many times about this over our 8 years of marriage but he brushed it off. what do you guy think.

goddessofsmallthings Sun 02-Aug-15 22:48:29

I think it sounds unnatural and I'm surprised your dbil hasn't put a stop to it and that you haven't had words with her.

CalleighDoodle Sun 02-Aug-15 23:01:12

The fact your husband hasnt out a stop to it is the problem.

mummyof2since2010 Sun 02-Aug-15 23:02:19

thanks goddess for ur reply. she is very manipulative so I worry about talking to her about this. its sad because other than the problems shes created, me and husband haven't had too many problems over the years. i said to my husband to imagine he had a bully or an annoying work colleague who was always mean to him and i was being their best friend/bum chum.

WallyBantersJunkBox Sun 02-Aug-15 23:05:35

Suggest you and BIL spend the day at a spa. See how it goes down.

She's got a bee in her bonnet about you, and is trying to piss you off.

mummyof2since2010 Sun 02-Aug-15 23:08:25

calleighdoodle ur so right. we're not talking at the moment because of this stupid problem. the fact im not happy should made him think twice about their relationship. he knows what his sister inlaw is like and has been there when shes been mean/rude to me. but he always makes me feel like im over reacting.

CalleighDoodle Sun 02-Aug-15 23:23:57

You should be his first priority as youre his wife. If he minimises your feelings in response to the actions of his sil, that makes him a bit of a tit doesnt it.

CalleighDoodle Sun 02-Aug-15 23:26:09

What i mean is, it doesnt matter who she is. She could be a colleague, stranger on the street, friend etc, who she is really isnt important. What is important here is that someones actions towards / around your husband are unacceptable to you, and other family members, yet your husband dismisses your concerns. Why siuld he do that? Do you think he is having some sort of crisis and liking the attention?

tallwivglasses Sun 02-Aug-15 23:29:54

No, I wouldn't be putting up with this. He should be pulling her up every time she's rude to you, to the point of not wanting to speak to her until she's apologised to you. I'm afraid it looks like he respects her more than he respects you sad

mummyof2since2010 Sun 02-Aug-15 23:38:51

i honestly think he feels responsible for her. his brother is abit useless and he feels like he needs to help her. which is totally stupid i know. i should be his priority aswell as our two children. he doesn't need to look out for another family. he sees her like a sister but his own sister thinks its wrong if its getting in the way of our relationship.

CalleighDoodle Sun 02-Aug-15 23:50:32

That's because it is.

mummyof2since2010 Mon 03-Aug-15 00:33:41

just had it out with him again but this time i don't think i could have been any clearer. you guys have given me that extra boost to stand up for myself. I've always thought i was being over the top. i cant make him cut her out his life totally because she is family. i told him he needs to take a step back. by being there for her he's giving her the impression he supports her bad behaviour towards me. also he needs to tell her where she's been out of line and to stop her stirring. hoping this helps and its got though to him. lets seesmile

goddessofsmallthings Mon 03-Aug-15 00:36:13

Well done, mummy. What was his reaction?

mummyof2since2010 Mon 03-Aug-15 00:48:29

i think he's slightly shocked at how firm i was being. i didn't give him a chance to shrug me off this time. i'm happy how it went. i don't like confrontation so this was a lot for me. also the reason its gone on for so long, I've been too scared to say too much in case it turned into an argument.

CalleighDoodle Mon 03-Aug-15 00:49:56

Well lets hope for a positive outcome

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now