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Anyone kept something bad from their partner?

(24 Posts)
Guiltysecret75 Sat 01-Aug-15 21:10:57

The story is that a couple of years ago I went away with some friends to Spain and on one of the nights I got really pissed(no excuse) and had a bit of a flirt/dance with a fella who was in the pub we were in. Anyway he sort of made a move on me and I made the mistake of kissing him. It wasn't for long and I realised that what I was doing was wrong and brought it to an end. Anyway that was that, I didn't do it again and haven't done anything like that since. My friends said put it down to experience and don't tell my dh as he may not forgive me, despite me really regretting what I did. So I didn't and he is non the wiser.

I do however sometimes think about telling him but I'm not sure if it is just to relieve the guilt. He wouldn't be happy clearly and I don't want to jeopardise an otherwise good marriage. Not sure if carrying the guilt is my punishment for what I did.

Not sure what I am asking really.

pocketsaviour Sat 01-Aug-15 21:18:57

You would be telling him purely to make yourself feel better and it would serve absolutely no purpose, since he's never going to find out.

It was only a drunken snog anyway...

CalmYourselfTubbs Sat 01-Aug-15 21:23:09

don't tell him.
you'll get no peace from telling.

Guiltysecret75 Sat 01-Aug-15 21:36:22

Yeah, that's what my friends say. They don't seem to think it was such a big deal and they laugh about it from time to time when we are out. Just something to live with then?

Binit Sat 01-Aug-15 21:38:54

It's not like you shagged him or even came close. You need to forget about it IMO.

DragonsCanHop Sat 01-Aug-15 21:52:25

No no no, you could bring u all sorts of trust issues foe him which wouldn't be fair giving the fact that it was a one off drunken kiss.

Beelzebop Sat 01-Aug-15 22:12:02

Do not tell him. Not worth it!

Guiltysecret75 Sat 01-Aug-15 22:25:58

I think that's fairly unanimous then!

PushingThru Sat 01-Aug-15 22:28:47

I'd seriously ask your friends to stop bringing it up as well. That just keeps pressing the reset button for your guilt!

sebsmummy1 Sat 01-Aug-15 22:30:13

I think if he ever asked, I would be truthful, but otherwise it was a mistake, you stopped it, you regret it, I think it's forgiveable.

Newtobecomingamum Sat 01-Aug-15 22:30:26

Yep don't tell him. Try and let go of the guilt and move on. It was a kiss and that's it. It was wrong but god there are worst things that happen and go on in life. You need to forgive yourself and be happy with your partner.

pilates Sat 01-Aug-15 22:51:34

Don't tell him and agree with another poster ask your friends to stop bringing it up as it's not helping the situation.

Guiltysecret75 Sat 01-Aug-15 22:57:16

I will. Time to put it to bed!

molyholy Sun 02-Aug-15 01:24:47

I would. It will serve no. It was a couple of years ago. A drunken snog. Just forget it now. No harm done.

molyholy Sun 02-Aug-15 01:25:30

*no purpose

MysteryMan1 Sun 02-Aug-15 15:05:50

Why tell him? These things big deal

Babycham1979 Fri 07-Aug-15 16:31:36

Yep, no need to tell him...... as long as you're happy with the idea of him doing the same and not telling you.

How many times do you think he's got pissed and got-off with random women while out with friends? Well, I guess it doesn't matter as long you don't know about it. hmm

magoria Fri 07-Aug-15 17:00:06

I would be careful.

It would only take one of your friends to laugh about it in the wrong time/place and your DP could find out.

Purplehonesty Fri 07-Aug-15 17:21:38

I wouldn't tell him either. About nine years ago I did something very similar.
Went out drinking with colleagues and got so drunk I hardly remember a thing. I was dancing with a man I barely knew
and apparently I snogged him on the dance floor.
I was so guilt ridden the next day when a friend told me what I had done - I couldn't remember doing it and was so mortified.
I didn't tell dh and I will never tell him. It was totally out of character for me, I'd never ever do it again and it has made me much more careful about drinking. I have never been really drunk since I don't think.
I've thought about it loads of times and feel very guilty, wondering if I should tell him but he would be devastated/angry and it doesn't seem right to wreck our marriage over something so stupid.
I've certainly learned my lesson about drink tho!

ForalltheSaints Fri 07-Aug-15 19:54:55

I have never mentioned that I have met a murderer. Or indeed that I once saw Rolf Harris at a festival.

annandale Fri 07-Aug-15 20:02:09

I'd be worried that your friends know. If it came up at the wrong time, he really could be hurt by it. TBH though I'm not sure I would tell in the same circs, and especially not after two years. Years ago, early in our marriage, DH confessed attempting to kiss someone, and I wasn't even faintly bothered, I think because he told all within about six weeks and had clearly been racked with guilt throughout, I felt 'oh well, he's never going to cope with being unfaithful at this rate' grin also perhaps because the attempt was not successful - not sure what I would have felt if he'd progressed to an actual snog.

I have a financial secret from dh that I know would cause major upset and hurt to him, and if he posted it on here, I'd be torn to pieces by the MN jury. I'm not proud of myself.

PurpleSwift Fri 07-Aug-15 22:52:47

I did something similar. Expect my OH was sat at a table in the same bar with our friends blush I was drunk and dancing. And someone just kissed me. It took me totally by surprise and me and OH had been V Hands on that night so in my confusion I kissed them back for a couple of seconds. And then ran back to my table and didn't say a thing.

I mentioned it a year later and he actually wasn't too upset. But if you think this could be a deal breaker then keep it to yourself.

Joysmum Fri 07-Aug-15 23:53:09

Why would you deny him his rights to make his own choices by selfishly putting your own wants above his?

WhatifIdid Sat 08-Aug-15 00:03:51

Annandale spill!

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