Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Boyfriend active on Tinder

(32 Posts)
Confusedlly Sat 01-Aug-15 20:10:28

I think i'm in desperate need of some advice.

Boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year, official for 8 months. We met on Tinder, when we first starting dating it was more of a casual thing and we both still had Tinder on our phones and would still use it. It was about two months into dating that he told me he uninstalled the Tinder app on his phone. On Tinder you can see when someone was last online and I could see he hadn't been on Tinder for a long time. I then uninstalled the app shortly before we became official.

Maybe 4ish months ago I reinstalled it so I can screenshot our conversations, which I told him about it. I looked at his profile and he hadn't been active since uninstalling it.

It was only last night at a friends house my friend and I got onto the topic of Tinder (friend is single and very much uses Tinder) She was showing me her conversations which were hilarious and we were mucking around sending guys silly messages on her account. I remembered some funny messages that I recieved when I used it so thought I'd show her, I logged into my account on her phone to show her. She then asked to see mine and my boyfriends conversation so I showed her that, but on his profile it said he had been active a month ago and he had added two recent photos, changed his profile picture and removed two older photos of him. Looking back at our text conversation from the day he was active he was telling me how happy he was and how much he loved me.
The thing is he's a really great guy and very honest, and I was active on Tinder too (very innocently though) but I didn't change my photo or add any new ones, I don't have any need to. I'm panicking but my friend insists there's probably an innocent reason as to why he was active (looking at old funny conversations like I was) but why the photo change? Is this really a big deal?
I'm away at the moment and have really crappy signal so it's not like I can just text or phone to ask him, I won't see him for a week. I don't want to come across as crazy but my minds going crazy at the moment and I can't relax. I could drive into town to ring/text him now, but am I overreacting? And what would I say? Any advice greatly appreciated!

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable Sat 01-Aug-15 20:18:59

I'd say you are about to be dumped or cheated upon. No other reason for the photo changes.

Maybe send him a 'Hi' message on Tinder and see what happens.

brokenhearted55a Sat 01-Aug-15 20:18:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ijustwannadance Sat 01-Aug-15 20:22:40

I know nothing about tinder but why do you need to screenshot conversations?

pocketsaviour Sat 01-Aug-15 20:23:15

I can't think of an innocent reason someone would update their profile photos on a hook up app, sorry.

Could you get your friend to match with him and see what happens?

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 01-Aug-15 20:24:34

For memories I guess wanna

Confusedlly Sat 01-Aug-15 20:27:33

I screenshotted them because the messages were funny and it was nice to have our first messages to each other to look at.

He hasn't been active in over a month so there's no gaurentee he would see my message, plus I deleted my account this morning

I did try to get my friend to match with him but we couldn't find him

ijustwannadance Sat 01-Aug-15 21:00:08

I'm so out of touch with this tech shit. But you cant have double standards so you either both stay on tinder or both shut down your accounts. It is odd that he updated his pics though. Talk to him. If you really need to remember a conversation maybe you should write it in a special notebook.

holdyourown Sat 01-Aug-15 21:40:54

Although it doesn't look great, you were on Tinder too, which is a bit hmm Why didn't you delete the app after you did the screenshots? Maybe this made him think he'd better go back on it too?
I think just sit down with him and have a proper conversation about what you both want and where your relationship is going

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 01-Aug-15 21:44:33

I don't know how it works either, but does it update photos direct from Facebook perhaps?

Iflyaway Sat 01-Aug-15 21:48:33

Dump and Run!

Confusedlly Sat 01-Aug-15 21:54:35

I did delete the app as soon as I screenshotted the messages, I didn't delete my account but I made it so I was invisable so nobody could match with me.

It doesn't update photos, you have to do it yourself

Confusedlly Sat 01-Aug-15 23:08:56

I spoke to him and because of a misunderstanding last month he thought I was going to dump him and I was off with him for a few days (total misunderstanding on both parts) he reinstalled the app because he 'was sad' and wanted an ego boost, offered to show me the messages to prove he didn't do anything and now he's all i'm so sorry, you mean everything to me.... I don't know what to do

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 01-Aug-15 23:19:01

Wow it all sounds very immature.

Perhaps both agree to completely delete the Tinder thing or just both stay on it and go your separate ways?

beaglesaresweet Sun 02-Aug-15 12:46:54

if he wasn't active for a month and can show you messages from those few days when he did update profile, then it's clear he hasn't done anything, not interested in others, just an immature way of distracting when he was upset. BUT it's not on for him to go into such a sulk and panic every time you argue/fall out/misunderstand each other!
You need to agree on some boundaries - so if he is upset he needs to talk to you or just like an adult, wait out a few days for the dust to settle, not run and log in on dating sites! If he says he can't promise that, it's manipulative and will make you tread on eggshells - I would dump him then.

MysteryMan1 Sun 02-Aug-15 15:03:10

The model age of dating. ..Great isn't it? Do people actually use Tinder expecting to get a relationship? I just thought it was a tool for getting a fuck.

BeautifulBatman Sun 02-Aug-15 15:06:58

Just what I thought MysteryMan.

BoxOfKittens Sun 02-Aug-15 15:18:22

Oh god, you had a misunderstanding and he felt sad and his response was to get an ego boost from tinder. What will his response be if /when you experience some serious stress within your relationship? I'd be concerned about this :\

MysteryMan1 Sun 02-Aug-15 15:24:36

I do wonder about OLD. At any point during a relationship, it becomes almost a bit too easy to log back on...

WallyBantersJunkBox Sun 02-Aug-15 15:31:45

Just as easy To Register First Time for a hookup if my ex was anything To go by...

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Sun 02-Aug-15 15:40:58

Pre online dating it may have been go to a bar and flirt with a stranger, that's no different from logging back on to an app and having a browse.

Same issue for the relationship though, about trust and honesty.

Isetan Sun 02-Aug-15 16:39:11

You're going to have be on your best compliant behaviour,to stop such a delicate flower from running to a hook up site, to get his ego stroked in times of real and/or imagined crisis. He's still on the market for a better offer and his 'sadness' is an excuse to explain away his updated profile I'm still available promo shots, it appears you're more commited than he is and personally, I wouldn't wait around for more bullshit.

beaglesaresweet Sun 02-Aug-15 16:45:20

I think it's a bit harsh, Isetan - he hasn't been on it for a month now and months before those days. Also who says he will (or even thinks thta he will) ever get a 'better offer'? I think if he s been with OP for a year after a tinder start, it counts for something. But as I said above, OP needs to be very clear now about the boundaries and how he needs to develop his conflict-handling skills pronto!

dilbert19912 Sun 02-Aug-15 16:56:39

What a shit reason to be on tinder.... to boost his ego.
Tbf OP I don't buy you reason for going back on there either.

Isetan Sun 02-Aug-15 20:13:38

A bit harsh! He updated his profile pictures on a hook up site, while supposedly in a committed relationship because he was feeling sad. It's a bullshit excuse used to implicate the OP in his dubious behaviour because if she hadn't been moody then he wouldn't have been forced to get his ego boosted on Tinder. The OP has now been forwarded to keep her man happy, or else.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now