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Think I'm falling for him and not sure how I feel about that?

(8 Posts)
MyGastIsFlabbered Sat 01-Aug-15 17:50:10

I've been married for 6 years, the past 2 have been horrendous and 4 months ago I separated from my husband. Soon after I started dating and I've been seeing someone for 3 months or thereabouts.

I really, really like him, I don't think I love him but I'm definitely falling for him. I'm not sure quite how I feel about that, when I started dating I wasn't looking for anything serious. I thought I'd run a mile if he said he loved me but lately the idea doesn't bother me so much (he hasn't said he loves me though).

Part of me thinks I should cool things and be happy being on my own, but then I think I'm over complicating things and should just enjoy his company and see what happens (I do tend to overthink everything).

Sorry for rambling on, I don't really know what I want from this thread, I think I'd like people to tell me to chill out! confused

Goodbetterbest Sat 01-Aug-15 18:04:58

Who would benefit from you ending it? Hasn't meeting your new partner made the break up easier? And don't you feel renewed, revitalised and reawakened? Like YOU again?

Sorry, i am projecting wink I am in the same position and feel as you do. I frequently consider ending it so life is simpler, but I know meeting him has made by break up a lot easier to deal with, and I feel cared for and loved. And intimacy and affection has returned to my life. And this all outweighs my negativity, and that niggling doubt that maybe I don't deserve this?

So yes, chill out. Because you sound as though you are receptive to the idea of loving and being loved.

This is GOOD, go with it.

MyGastIsFlabbered Sat 01-Aug-15 18:17:49

Thanks. I feel like sometimes I'm a bit too dependent on him for my happiness and I should be self-reliant. But my ex made me feel like shit for so long that it's lovely to feel alive again, that's exactly it.

Goodbetterbest Sat 01-Aug-15 22:41:04

How would you feel if he didn't say he loved you?

JeanSeberg Sat 01-Aug-15 22:43:53

Can you not have a mixture of the two? Enjoy time with your new boyfriend and at the same time concentrate on making new friends, taking up new interests that don't involve him?

MyGastIsFlabbered Sat 01-Aug-15 22:46:08

I'm not expecting him to say it so it wouldn't bother me. I think I'd be quite shocked if he did say it. What bothers me is that I think about him a lot, feel grumpy if I can't see him and get excited when I know I am seeing him. A bit of me thinks I should be happy on my own.

UrsulaBuffay Sun 02-Aug-15 23:29:48

I hope this doesn't sound horrid but I had a similar thing and it turned out to be 'rebound'- it made me feel happy someone liked me and was caring but I soon realised it wasn't what I needed or wanted it just stopped me from being alone. Never believed in the rebound prior to that!

WallyBantersJunkBox Sun 02-Aug-15 23:48:19

MyGast I'm in a similar position but have moved on a little..

Still married but dating a guy. confused

It's been 8 months since we met. On paper not so long since my ex left - 4 months like you. But we'd been bumping along for years and I was truly dead inside.

When ex left I thought, well this is it. I don't need to go through this again. I'd prefer to do things independently - will never even get involved with anyone to do the simple things like shopping in IKEA with someone, I can do it all myself.

It's all beginning to change and I realise I do have something to give. I can do this again, let someone into my life and my little family.

But I was very cautious. I let him lead more. Held back on my feelings even though it was tough. Spent a lot of time on my own soul searching and questioning the reasons why I was attracted to him. Rebound as mentioned being one possible reason.

I agree try and do both. Widen your social circle and plan a few things for yourself if you can.

If you are undergoing divorce then that takes its own time and pace anyway, so just keep it to dating. Enjoy the excitement of dressing up, going out and chatting and being the centre of attention and attraction for a while. You have a second chance at that excitement so enjoy it at a leisurely pace.

We both have children and are older, so that helps I think. No pressure to be hitting certain goalposts. Just time to be with each other.

Take the pressure off yourself and try to live in the moment.


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