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Marriage on the rocks?

(5 Posts)
Byebutterfly Sat 01-Aug-15 13:58:46

Recently Dh has made some stupid choices that could affect our family massively. All because he has started up a friendship with some people who are in a different stage of life, what I mean by this is they're a good 10 years younger than Dh, single, no dcs, they just want to go out and find women. Basically what most young guys do (Not all I know). Honestly, I'm not bothered about who he's friends with but it's like he's forgotten about his responsibilities.
Getting back to the bad decisions, he could have nearly lost his job due to work place bullying, he wasn't the one doing the bullying but wasn't exactly innocent to it. I also found on his phone some websites and a messenger which he had told me a few weeks prior to this one of his friends had been using to meet up with people. I felt heartbroken and had it out with him and he broke down saying he was sorry, there was nothing to it as he hadn't spoken to anyone, just wanted to have a look and he didn't know why. He told me he felt ashamed he got caught in the wrong crowd and that he didn't know why he hid things from me. Obviously the Trust was rocked but we tried to get past it but today by mistake, I've found he's been messaging a female colleague but deletes all their messages. Now this could purely be friendly but why hide it? I just feel like he's not the person I married and the Trust is never going to get rebuilt. Is my marriage beginning to crumble or is it me?

13months Sat 01-Aug-15 14:28:16

Prepare for the worst but hope for the best.....

Trust you gut. It is always right.

You need to take a big deep breathe, keep calm, and do a bit of digging for evidence.

If you find some -- keep your powder dry and find some more -- as they always deny and lie -- before you confront.

Try to think of the possible scenarios and try to think what you would want to happen next for each of them.

He has already crossed some red lines, deleting texts is suspicious - not looking good.

I am sorry - I am living this nightmare as well as many others on here who have been through it.

Byebutterfly Sat 01-Aug-15 19:10:57

Thank you for your reply, I'm sorry you are going through this too.

You're right with everything you said, I just don't know where to start.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 01-Aug-15 19:14:21

He thinks the grass is greener but it is greener where you water it.

Have some self respect and demand high standards if he can't deliver kick him to the kerb. I think he wants to go there anyway to fulfil his childish desires with his new friends.

Don't tolerate this.

CalmYourselfTubbs Sat 01-Aug-15 19:42:22

sounds like a midlife crisis.
he wants their single and unfettered life.
the thing with his female colleague would anger me.
i wouldn't be happy about this at all.

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