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help.. how long

(13 Posts)
roseyrain Fri 31-Jul-15 21:44:25

Hi
I have ended a relationship because the guy in question, basically was no good for me. Refused to commit and had various other women on the go.

It was tough. I ended it and gave him a heap of home truths. But I was incredibly nasty with it because I was angry. But strangle feel guilty, even though I know I was right!!

We were not married, didn't live together and no kids.

I've made a conscience decision to de activate my fb account as I developed a habbit of fb stalking these other women. Plus, I would get upset seeing his fb page. The aim - that if I don't see anything, I will get over it quicker.

Thing is, I'm sad, miss him and am curious what he is up to, curious if he is up to anything still with these women. I am literally sitting on my hands, trying to stop myself reactivating my account. It will do me no good. But it's so hard!

Also, I have had to stop myself driving past his work or going places I know I could potentially see him. Again, it's like I'm punishing myself as I feel I want to see him. But know I shouldn't :-(

I was seeing him for 2 years. How long will these urges last. I'm trying to keep myself busy but can't seem to distract my thoughts. He is so wrong for me. I am an attractive young woman and easy going. I'm never short of male attention, yet I'm not interested in anyone else. I can't even force myself to try.

Struggling to be alone. I have my kids most days And I'm upbeat with them. But the void of my ex is so hard to fill.

QuiteLikely5 Fri 31-Jul-15 21:47:32

It's ok to feel the way you do but also I respect you immensely for realising that this man was not worthy of your time, love and attention.

Stay strong

roseyrain Fri 31-Jul-15 21:58:06

Thank you.. that's really lovely of you to say.

I'm not really a strong person. But the past few months have been horrendous. Last few months we were together, I've been checking up on him, stalking these women's fb pages, obsessing over them and comparing myself. Pretending to believe his lies because I didn't want to loose him. In the end I weighed it up, and thought it's better go through the pain barrier and come out the other side eventually, and have the chance to be happy again. Rather than suffering the pain longterm and never being happy.

I just want to know how long the pain takes to fade. And tips for not checking up on him and what he's doing

I miss him. But I miss the way he used to be

sensiblesometimes Fri 31-Jul-15 22:06:13

Strategies to move on required here.
Perhaps your lonely and that is what is making you think about him more than you would like .
Facebook is a dreadful ,shallow , unreal world everyone 'appears ' so happy and it hurts ...delete delete delete

Offred Fri 31-Jul-15 22:08:00

I agree with quitelikely.

I think you are doing the best thing. Know that if you indulge your urges you'll set yourself right back to the start of dealing with this.

Push through it and it will start getting easier the longer you have gone cold turkey.

Offred Fri 31-Jul-15 22:09:15

Facebook is a dreadful ,shallow , unreal world everyone 'appears ' so happy and it hurts ...delete delete delete

Ha! I deleted my Facebook for the opposite reason - it was ramming misery, along with a huge amount of trivial bullshit down my throat on a daily hourly basis!

roseyrain Fri 31-Jul-15 22:21:36

Thank you all. I do appreciate it.

I guess as well I can't comprehend how I can miss and want a man that clearly has so little respect for me. The more he withdrew from me in the end, the more I tried. It was like I was lowering myself to get him to fancy me and want me again. I felt unattractive and all sorts, because I knew he was chasing other women. He stopped trying to hide in the end as he knew I was putting up with it. I'm sad also that he hasn't chased me or tried to make things right. We've split up nursery's times before and he always phoned and text to win me round. This time not. I know that's a good thing because I ended it for good reason and no longer trust him. But it's knocked my self esteem

roseyrain Fri 31-Jul-15 22:23:11

Numerous not nursery

sensiblesometimes Fri 31-Jul-15 22:48:00

Yeah offered that too about FB.
I meant the ex 'appearing' to having a good with others etc. Photos should be avoided ad they will.add to the hurt .

The void you feel isn't about him at all. it's other issues

sensiblesometimes Fri 31-Jul-15 22:49:47

Excuse the errors hope I made sense

roseyrain Sat 01-Aug-15 14:43:41

That made sense :-)

So, today I know there is a party. One of these women will be there. I know this as it was organised during the time I was with ex. I believe he will be going. I don't know this, but we attended all the others.

Please someone give me the strength not to check Facebook out this evening, or worse still, turn up at the party!

I do not have my kids tonight and don't know how strong I'll be. Really need some support. Don't feel strong enough today. Especially knowing this will be going on. I'll be driving myself mad ..

daisyJ123 Sat 01-Aug-15 15:04:21

I split up with my partner 18 months ago. He was OBSESSED with the world of social media (& himself)
I deleted my Facebook account the day that I deleted him. I knew I'd be tempted to spy on him as he updated constantly.
Funnily enough, life's been bloody marvellous without both.
Why don't you 'u friend' him, & then you can't look at what he has been up to. Or just be super proactive with having great times with/making lovely plans for you & the kids during those Facebook-temptation-moments.
PS sounds like he was pretty shit to you though & you are a million times better without him, no?

sensiblesometimes Sat 01-Aug-15 15:20:54

A swim in the local community leisure centre , cinema, angry birds !! Clear the loft,
Paint the kitchen units red , decorate the hall You are child free ! Get planning some distractions now .
get busy ! You'll feel.so much better tomorrow knowing you didn't check .

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