Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is it me ?

(6 Posts)
moonie70 Fri 31-Jul-15 19:33:44

Just ended a 6 month relationship and even though I know I have done the right thing I'm still feeling upset at yet another failed relationship all be it a short one . Please give me some perspective as I've been made to feel like I have done something wrong .
The problem is my x is incredibly insecure after being cheated on twice in his previous marriages , I could tell this from the get go and there was plenty of red flags .
The problems started with Whatsapp if I had been online and not messaged him I would get sarky comments about talking to someone but not being In touch with him , and if I feel asleep early and didn't say night which would happen on occasion I got him going on and on about it , I even had to screenshot a message he sent and the time I reviewed it to prove it was late and I'd fallen asleep .
The next thing was Facebook he went through my friends list and any blokes that liked my pics he would give me the third degree over ,now these are guys mostly that I went to school with and a couple of them had , had an interest in me at some point but I wasn't interested ,my x was aware of this and it made it worse , I ended up taking of 2 male friends and ending a 4 year friendship with a guy to please him and it still didn't stop his insecurities , he would make comments about me being desperate for male attention and what was wrong with me when I have a guy who loves me dearly , I have been called stupid , thick and also a cunt for not getting rid of these make friends earlier , there has been a long list of things that have happened and been said but to much to go into .. Please tell me it's not me feel like he's done a real good job on me and I'm losing the plot here , after a barrage of txt she's gone quiet now . He knows it's over I'm just feeling so stupid for not ending things sooner as I'm more invested now , I alas suffer from anxiety and low self esteem and he knows this but still continued to give me sly digs all wrapped up in s great big I love u , first time posting please be kind thanks in advance

SkivingAgain Fri 31-Jul-15 19:36:11

You've dodged a bullet. Can you be sure that the previous relationships ended because of cheating, or because of his controlling behaviours.

minkGrundy Fri 31-Jul-15 19:40:13

You have done absolutely the right thing.

This behaviour was only going to get worse. You only have his word his exes cheated. More likely he decided they were cheating based on his paranoia or he made it up as an excuse to control you.

Delete. Block. Move on. And give yourself a big pat on the back for seeing it coming and making absolutely the tight decision flowers

About failed rs. Yes I feel your pain on that. But this was not so much a failed rs as an excellent dusplay of good decision making.

Better luck next time.

holdyourown Fri 31-Jul-15 19:49:10

You have done the right thing here and your self esteem will increase and anxiety go down once you move on from this guy. He was very jealous and controlling, it took a bit of time for this to become apparent, you gave him a chance initially then ended it once you could see the huge red flags. So pat yourself on the back, have some time to get over it and its ok to miss him, but then move on knowing you are a strong and wise woman brew

moonie70 Fri 31-Jul-15 20:06:43

Thanks for kind comments , I know I've done the right thing after seeing him I would be emotionally drained and fit for nothing and no energy , I spent most of my time unhappy and stressed out , If I went on Facebook after finishing work he would say oh I see you were on line earlier , i was scared to log on in the end , he did say his last gf of a year just got up one morning and walked out and never returned his calls or texts and I know that hurt him deeply , never really understood that there was obviously more to it , he was more than likely the same with her .
I'm a strong woman and have been trough hell with my youngest daughters father , he was verbally and physically abusive and I have a 5 year restraining order in place , I represented myself in family court and also went to crown court and I succeeded in getting him out of our lives so why oh why did I allow myself to be in an EA relationship again , not violent though I hasten to add . My daughters dad is now in a new relationship with a woman who probably has no idea how violent and mentally unstable my x is but she does know he owes me 10,000 in Csa arrears but still lets him live with her not on the electric roll so they can't pin him down , anyway sorry I went of on a rant there ,
I don't need a man my 2 girls are my world and gorgeous human beings I get complimented on them all the time , I pay my own way have a nice house and car and a job of 25 years , so why do I end up putting myself in these situations , I feel like I'd be better off single for a while and work on me and build my self esteem up from here on it .

holdyourown Fri 31-Jul-15 20:40:02

I think you're being way to hard on yourself. You haven't got yourself into an EA relationship in this case, you've just got yourself out of one before it happened. So that's a good thing. Sometimes it takes a bit of time to get to see the signs. It's not your fault. Not all men are like these two specimens so there's no need to forbid yourself from dating, you might meet someone lovely next time.
Be extra kind to yourself flowers

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: