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Susanna Abse on Woman's Hour today

(12 Posts)
dislikerofprejudice Fri 31-Jul-15 17:10:32

Anyone else hear this? Susanna is CEO of the Tavistock Centre for Relationships. The programme item was about adultery. She said Men find it harder to have a voice in relationships. Women tend to be the complainers. Men tend to keep their feelings underground and not complain and then these feelings spring up in the form of an affair as an expression of discontent
I thought it was a really interesting perspective;affairs as an expression of discontent. Should we be encouraging men and boys to express their feelings and to complain/ communicate more openly . Should women be aware of the need to listen to men so that they have more of a voice?

holdyourown Fri 31-Jul-15 17:26:15

hmm err.. sot that's womens fault then is it? Perhaps men should take responsibility for communicating.
Anyway, women have affairs too so I don't really buy it.

Offred Fri 31-Jul-15 20:55:50

So I'll be avoiding the 'Tavistock centre for relationships' then... hmm

Men don't find it harder than women do to communicate some of them just don't feel they are responsible for communicating. Some of them think, because society tells them so, that women are responsible for communicating because women are 'natural communicators and diplomats'... Funny how 'men' apparently can't do any of the shitwork isn't it?

And women needing to listen more so that men have more of a voice?!? WTAF? Have you missed millennia of patriarchy that involved mainly white men running the entire world?!

Men do not need special accommodation. If a man is a poor communicator that is because he is a poor communicator not because he is a man and it's his job to improve his communication skills so that he can interact with the world as an adult not every woman's job to mollycoddle him as though he is a toddler because of the terrible disabling effect of having a penis...


Offred Fri 31-Jul-15 20:56:45

And affairs are expressions of cowardliness or entitlement not 'discontent'... HTH...

notrocketscience Fri 31-Jul-15 22:52:58

Womans Hour has passed its sell by date. Why do we need our own dedicated time? Oh poor little wee things. Where is Mens hour?

And Jeni what's'ername .So bloody patronising

sensiblesometimes Fri 31-Jul-15 22:59:57

I half listened thought it was interesting . Would listen again if I had the chance.

There are always two adults in a relationship why do we have categorise / define people by their gender.
I think affairs happen for as many different reasons.

goddessofsmallthings Fri 31-Jul-15 23:01:04

Well said, Offred < thumbs up emoticon >

AskBasil Fri 31-Jul-15 23:03:42

Men's hour is all the other 23 in the day.

If men are so bad at communicating, how come they've been the most famous orators, there are more parts for actors than actresses, there are more politicians in the house of commons (you don't get there without being very good at communication), men overwhelmingly run all the professions where communication is key - PR, advertising, law, etc.?

I ain't buying it.

sensiblesometimes Fri 31-Jul-15 23:04:18

....and if we apply the Tavistock theory I'm a man !!

Offred Fri 31-Jul-15 23:08:04

I really hate this kind of crap and especially hate the judgement, which often follows, about 'hating men' if you don't swallow it hook line and sinker.

I think these attitudes, quite aside from being tied up in oppressive views about women's roles, are pretty damn disrespectful and infantilising about men themselves.

Offred Fri 31-Jul-15 23:12:15

I've never met a person who found it easy to talk about difficult things like their relationship being in strife.

I seriously doubt the credibility of any couples counselling organisation that is founded on the principle that women need to make up for their male partner's deficiencies as adults...

notrocketscience Fri 31-Jul-15 23:30:20

Having recently had to go through mediation I haven't got much respect for that either unless I was just unlucky. I know about rapport building but this woman talked far more than I did and I knew much more about her life than she did about mine. (Charged £300 per session as well)

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