Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

"I am not with you, I am not engaged to you, you are someone that I F***"

(19 Posts)
expectantmum79 Fri 31-Jul-15 16:13:30

Emotionally abusive ex said this to me today when I refused to see him. I have another thread on here "planning to cheat?" about a series of texts I found on his phone which prompted me to accuse him.

He is angry that I looked on his phone and said this to justify the texts as we've been split for 4 weeks but he stayed over last Saturday. He also said "I could F* you anytime I wanted" when I said I never want to see him.

I'm totally humiliated, I never want to see him again. Advice/ support would be appreciated.

Zillie77 Fri 31-Jul-15 16:19:15

That is a truly awful thing to hear, I am really sorry that you were subject to that! Use it! Use it to remind yourself that he is not a person to whom you want to make yourself vulnerable.

Some day, hopefully soon, someone will say something equally lovely to you. You can be sure of that. But you must turn your back on him for that to happen.

pocketsaviour Fri 31-Jul-15 16:20:16

He also said "I could F* you anytime I wanted" when I said I never want to see him.

Did he say this in a "because you can't resist my charms" way? Or was it threatening?

At this point I'd simply send him a text saying "It's over. Don't contact me again" and then block his number on your phone and delete and block on Facebook if you use it.

expectantmum79 Fri 31-Jul-15 16:20:47

Thank you.x

Zillie77 Fri 31-Jul-15 16:20:51

By equally lovely, I mean, as cruel as what he said was, you will find someone who will be as kind as he is cruel.

expectantmum79 Fri 31-Jul-15 16:22:25

I think in the "resist his charms" way POcket Saviour, it made me feel so awful.

expectantmum79 Fri 31-Jul-15 16:25:02

He has been threatening me that he will go for joint custody of our son.

Mimigolightly Fri 31-Jul-15 16:25:06

I'm sorry that you're going through this.

If I were you, I would have completely no contact with him from now on. He sounds truly horrible and you deserve better than to be in a relationship with this abusive twat.

HellonHeels Fri 31-Jul-15 16:47:16

What horrible texts to receive. He is nasty. Please don't see him anymore or get back with him.

Retain his nasty texts in case you need to use them in future eg if he continues to harass you.

LazyLouLou Fri 31-Jul-15 17:07:29

Keep the texts, block the twat. Get a solicitor to sort out the details.

And don't let him stay over again.

Good luck xx

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Fri 31-Jul-15 19:47:49

Oh, the old "joint custody" threat. The correct answer to that is "see you in court fucknugget".

Twats like this can't manage a child for an hour, let alone a weekend.

Hobbitwife001 Mon 03-Aug-15 10:53:39

Well, he's not going to get to f**k you ever again is he my love?
Please go no contact and block and delete as pp have advised. Arrogant arsehole to treat you with such disrespect, you deserve so much more than this wank stain.

TheStoic Mon 03-Aug-15 10:56:15

Laugh in his face, OP.

borisgudanov Mon 03-Aug-15 13:01:05

"Not any more I'm not". Followed by "Out, you twat, and the horse you rode in on".

shovetheholly Mon 03-Aug-15 13:13:40

Keep that text. It will be an amazing tool when it comes to those moments when you feel a bit weak and wonder whether you should let him back in your life. A quick read of those lines, and you'll never be tempted to reply to him again.

Delete the bastard from your life! Not to prove that he's wrong, but for your own wellbeing and your peace of mind.

SolidGoldBrass Mon 03-Aug-15 14:29:44

Do you have DC with him, or are there any financial ties between you (eg shared mortgage)? If not, then send him a text or an email telling him that you do not want to see or hear from him ever again.

If you have DC and need to arrange access/contact/maintenance then email him to say that in future you will only communicate via email and only on finance/child contact matters. And ignore every other communication attempt.

CheersMedea Mon 03-Aug-15 14:34:53

Ouch OP. Sorry you had to go through that. That's nasty. I agree with keeping the text. Please don't delete it.

In my experience, men only say that kind of thing when they think they hold all the power. If he has previously been abusive to you and you didn't leave, he may very well believe what he says. That he can just use you for sex when he feels like it. If you are in the thrall of an abusive man, it's not that unlikely that with the passage of time the pain will dull and when he comes dancing around all charming, you may weaken.

Keeping that text and re-reading it will be a good weapon of self protection for you.

allibaba Mon 03-Aug-15 19:23:35

OP I remember getting a voice mail message from abusive ex telling me he could have me whenever he wanted. It flicked a switch in my brain and I never looked back.

Hold on to this and remember you are so much better than he ever will be.

pocketsaviour Mon 03-Aug-15 19:37:42

How much contact is he having with your DS at the moment? They all threaten they'll go for custody, it won't happen. Is there a contact order in place? How old is your DS?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now