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Can you be a lesbian but still like sex with men?

(166 Posts)
velourvoyageur Fri 31-Jul-15 14:42:01

Just wondering. Promise I'm not a troll.
I sometimes wonder if I'm just plain gay and not bi but I do like sex with men because (sorry) there's nothing else exactly like a dick. But I don't feel the same attraction to men as I do to women.

It's not that important, I mean the classification of attraction or whatever, don't mind if I or anyone else is gay, bi, straight, just curious as to whether anyone had any thoughts?

velourvoyageur Fri 31-Jul-15 14:43:34

oh and am the deep depths of the countryside so have v. limited access to internet at the mo - if I disappear/don't answer it's because of that smile

Cynara Fri 31-Jul-15 14:55:21

I think a better way of looking at it than straight/gay/bi/any other classifications is just to think of the whole spectrum of sexual acts and accept that there are some you like and some you don't, and it doesn't really matter what those acts are or who you enjoy them with, it's all perfectly valid.

Like my ex who enjoyed a finger up the bum. It's not a 'gay' act, it's just the enjoyment of a sensation. Doesn't really make any difference who provides the finger.

I don't know if that makes sense? Anyway, what I mean is, I think you should thoroughly enjoy your sex with men and don't worry about what kind of lesbian/non lesbian that makes you. It doesn't really matter.smile

PurpleSwift Fri 31-Jul-15 14:56:54

I think everyone is obsessed with labels these days.

If you like sex with men, have sex with men. If you like Sex with women, have sex with women. And if you like sex with both, have sex with both. Forget the labels

Notasinglefuckwasgiven Fri 31-Jul-15 15:20:10

I've never known a lesbian who likes men. Just my experience

Notasinglefuckwasgiven Fri 31-Jul-15 15:22:51

Also known a few who pretend to be women only to get the man they want....It must be an ego boost to some guys. It usually worked for those two right enough. I couldn't deal with the stress of the pretence I don't know how they do it.

PushingThru Fri 31-Jul-15 15:28:51

No. Thinking there's nothing like a dick puts you a long way from gay!

Notasinglefuckwasgiven Fri 31-Jul-15 15:52:47

The partners I've been with who identify as gay, haven't been with a man ever. Except maybe 1 or 2 who experimented as teenagers. They don't find anything about men attractive. They don't like their looks or bodies or want to be with them. I've had this conversation many times with them because I am bisexual btw

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Fri 31-Jul-15 15:54:40

You don't sound like any of the lesbians I know. You appear to be bisexual, if any label is required.

Branleuse Fri 31-Jul-15 16:09:49

I dont know what youd call it. Bisexual but Homo-romantic? Who knows, could just be you, and whatever whoever you are. Labels can be useful to a certain degree, but theres a huge amount of people im sure that dont fit into any categories

Offred Fri 31-Jul-15 16:20:54

No, the whole thing about being a lesbian is that you are not sexually attracted to men. Agree with ehric, it would make you bisexual but it doesn't really matter, you are who you are no matter what label you apply to yourself.

Agree also about the spectrum, surely you're a bisexual woman whose main attraction is to other women, which is just how it is for you.

I think it's a shame if people angst over these labels.

theworldismad Fri 31-Jul-15 16:23:35

It doesn't matter what you call yourself, or how you identify, but it is important that you are honest with whichever partner you are with. So if you have 'heart' connection with a woman, but have physical need for a man, you have to be honest with your partners about what you want.

Rebecca2014 Fri 31-Jul-15 16:53:31

Lesbians I know would be offended if you called yourself a lesbian "there's nothing else like a dick" um no. Bisexual maybe.

Summerlovinf Fri 31-Jul-15 17:06:08

I agree with purpleswift...like what you like and be what/who you want...no time for this 'ooo you're not proper gay' thing...it's discriminatory and petty

cigarsofthepharaoh Fri 31-Jul-15 17:06:49

For some people, there's a difference between sexual and romantic attraction. You could be bisexual homoromantic, or maybe you just prefer real dicks to strap ons and are both homosexual and homoromantic.

I'm a so-called "gold star lesbian", but I'm in the minority among my other lesbian friends - almost all of them have had sex with multiple guys, some quite recently. For the couple who've recently had sex with guys, it's been because guys are so much easier to find than WSW rather than any shift in their sexuality.

Octopush13 Fri 31-Jul-15 17:22:41

I don't think anyone need be offended at what someone else labels themselves i.e. Rebecca2014. Personally my sexuality has ranged up and down the scale throughout my life and depends entirely on the personality and other impossible to define reasons for attraction, of person I want to sleep with. Gender is not high on my list of requirements. I once heard someone say their sexuality is entirely defined by 'what's in their mouth at the time'. I'm not that extreme! But I think it sums up my approach. At the moment I'd say I'm the opposite to the OP- I'm a heterosexual woman who loves p***y!

Zillie77 Fri 31-Jul-15 17:34:02

I think that it can be disadvantageous socially to label one's self as bisexual, as some lesbians are reluctant to date bisexual women, so I understand your query, but I do think you are technically bisexual. But why worry? You are fabulous just as you are!

Offred Fri 31-Jul-15 17:40:05

Yes, some research in 2002 found people rate bisexuals less favourably than all other groups of people except those who inject illegal drugs!

Bisexuality really is not very acceptable to many people who identify with binary sexuality. Is that why you are in a quandary?

It's certainly something I relate to as a bisexual woman - basically everyone seems to hate you and no-one wants you as part of their 'group'. People think you are greedy, sleazy, a liar and a cheat or going through a phase.

Offred Fri 31-Jul-15 17:41:08

And many men think it's some kind of titilation. I've stopped telling people.

Offred Fri 31-Jul-15 17:42:39

And I've never told my family as when I was 16 my mother had a fit because she thought guessed I was attracted to a female friend and spent months ranting about how hateful being bisexual was.

Offred Fri 31-Jul-15 17:49:45

I think if you choose the label 'lesbian' and like sex with men, it's not technically correct and therefore may confuse/offend people, since the purpose of labels like that is more about describing to other people who you are, but lots of people do just that and really it's not anyone's beeswax what who you do outside your specific relationship to them.

IME many lesbians will not date a bisexual woman and many straight men think it's hot as though your sexuality exists for their titilation and one is no better than the other and really I wouldn't want to be with either person, since they lack a basic understanding and respect I'd want in a relationship.

Gruntfuttock Fri 31-Jul-15 18:21:51

Notasinglefuckwasgiven "Also known a few who pretend to be women only to get the man they want....It must be an ego boost to some guys."

Who pretends to be women? confused

Summerlovinf Fri 31-Jul-15 18:27:59

Why would anyone be offended by someone else's sexual identity?

Notasinglefuckwasgiven Fri 31-Jul-15 18:29:40

Woman only women grin that they sleep with only women. I should have been clearer my bad.

Offred Fri 31-Jul-15 18:31:57

Well, people are!!!!

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