Maybe AIBU I don't know.
H paid for it but until recently I have been a SAHM (and the work I have started doing is low paid and term time only). The car is naturally, like everything else , in his name.
We have both damaged the car - and in very similar ways, driving in to barriers in car parks. The damage I did was worse though and has knocked more of the value off the car. To repair it h bought a new (second hand) passenger door, fitted it and had to build up the part you step on to to get into the car (it's a people carrier so higher off the ground) with filler which he hasn't yet (and probably won't now) smoothed off so that part looks a little concretey.
I was laughing about this yesterday (not the fact that I damaged it but the fact that it now looks a little flinstoney) and h suddenly rounded on me and said that he didn't know why I was laughing and I wouldn't be if it was my car or words to that effect. It was the cold way he said it as well that upset me.
So I asked how was it not my car given that over the years I have contributed a lot.
This is what depresses me. That it always boils down to h owning everything including our family home. I guess not having my name on anything makes him feel more invulnerable as he is already divorced but it makes me feel insecure and he obviously does not care / realise.
He refuses to discuss our future in any way as well apart from occasionally saying that he is going to live in a country he has always wanted to go to. He says a lot of tongue in cheek stuff so I never know what to take seriously or not. Going by his very possessive attitude however (the second hand laptops he bought for us to use are also referred to as his but the really big thing is the family home) I have to maybe anticipate the worst but it is 3.20 am so maybe I am not thinking rationally.
At what point will my contribution, both in terms of being a SAHM and financially before that, make me an equal to him in every way .
Not really relevant but I also received a small inheritance when my Mum died (almost 9 years ago now ) and this in part went and still goes towards occasional holidays / some things for the house / activities for the dc. I also "lent" him roughly the value of the car 7 years ago. In a marriage this shouldn't really be a loan but his whole attitude to co-ownership makes me feel very insecure.
Maybe I am being unreasonable but please be gentle if you think so!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
If you are a SAHP, whose name is your family car in and does your other half refer to it as "his/hers"?
donotfeelsecure · 31/07/2015 03:30
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