Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Insecurities are destroying me....

(2 Posts)
daisyJ123 Thu 30-Jul-15 19:39:31

Hey everyone
I'm currently having counselling because I have massive trust & abandonment issues that stem from lying exes & being exposed to a very dishonest & verbally abusive (between themselves) parental relationship until I was a teenager. I have been in this current relationship for about 6 months & the first few months were great-we have had a few wobbles over recent weeks (most recently me questioning his commitment to the relationship & during a ten day break, instigated by me, him inundating me with texts, emails & finally talking to me about how into me/us he is).... things are kind of back on track but this niggling feeling is driving me crazy.
He has this friend he slept with a year ago (they had a brief relationship but he said he stopped fancying her) and they are now friends. Their ten year old kids are friends. They have always hung out together every other weekend with the kids when he has his daughter & I have always felt a bit uncomfortable. Don't know why.
He swears there is no attraction there - i know they text regularly. I asked if he can arrange for us to meet & told him about my insecurities. He took everything on board & said he'd arrange for us to meet. This was meant to be on Monday of this week but at the last minute she cancelled.
It could all be innocent (I really hope so cos I really like him) but I have these horrible feelings sometimes that she still has feelings for him & that he might start fancying her again. He has admitted that he didn't really talk about me much in the beginning to her as he didn't want to upset her which would indicate that he knows she still likes him, maybe. I just can't stop thinking that I should just end all this to avoid any hurt if anything does happen between them...
Although I really don't want to....
PS I am usually a very rational person - I get very insecure in relationships & 2 of my exes have had emotional affairs with their exes. My head's a right old mess.

Reubs15 Thu 06-Aug-15 22:33:56

Hi, I would advise you to have more counselling sessions and feel better within yourself before being in a relationship tbh. It's unfair on either of you if you have trust issues as it will drive you up the wall and he may feel like he is being punished/not trusted for other people's behaviour.
As for his friend only you can decide whether or not he's telling the truth but in my opinion if they wanted to be together they would be. It sounds like that ship has sailed but their friendship remains which is good especially since their children get along. If I were you I wouldn't be bothered about meeting her and you may spend the whole time comparing yourself to her which is unhealthy. If you don't like her there'll be a problem and if you do like her there will probably be a problem too.
I hope the counselling goes well for you x

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: