Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I'm about to go N/C

(12 Posts)
moooolah Thu 30-Jul-15 18:47:30

With my mum. So many reasons but today I've reached my limit after discovering that she has also failed to protect my siblings from s/abuse for her pathetic need for 'love' and money. I can no longer carry on pretending and I need to build a safe wall around myself and my family now.

But she lives v close and is still heavily involved with my siblings so this will be tricky. I do not wish to fall out.. involve the rest of the family etc, I simply wish to let her know that we will no longer be part of one another's lives and I want her to respect this and leave me alone. Quietly.

I've typed it up (I cannot face another face to face conversation in which she rewrites history and then asks me to forgive) as I want it over with, like a plaster. I only hope she has the dignity to exit my life as requested quietly.

But I'm hovering over this send button worrying about the consequences. I know it's the right thing to do. But I'm .. not scared. Exhausted and apprehensive of what may lie ahead.

A hand to hold.. some words. Something. . I dunno. Thanks.

Joysmum Thu 30-Jul-15 18:51:40

Best of luck with that. Do you think she will go quietly and respect your wishes given her failings in other respects?

SugarOnTop Thu 30-Jul-15 19:39:18

you can do it - really you CAN smile

have you told your siblings yet? i told mine the bare minimum so they wouldn't get dragged into it - just that i was no longer in contact with older sis due to her persistent bad behaviour and that i would appreciate it if they didn't share any info about me to her.

it's been 4 years almost and my life has been so much better for it. i can breathe comfortably now, i can live my life without that niggling knowledghe in the background that she will attempt to piss all over me the second she finds out anything abut me.

plus the space has helped me to emotionally detach from her and other family members who take her side. i can now 'flick' off any bad attitude without crumpling into a nervous, panicked wreck.

your whole life awaits you op- make sure you enjoy it to the fullest! grin

moooolah Thu 30-Jul-15 20:55:59

I've done it. No response (2 hrs) I did make it clear that I didn't want to discuss further and asked her to just respect that decision. My gut tells me that her silence is only temporary. I want to block her number so I'm not waiting for a response iykwim.

Tomorrow is a new day. I'm free. repeat repeat repeat

SugarOnTop Thu 30-Jul-15 21:00:58

yaaaaaaay! grin well done!

trust your gut instincts - they usually know the truth of what's going on around you before your other senses catch up. i think blocking her number/email address etc is the best thing to do, that way if she does choose to cross that boundary at any point in the future she will be met with silence - and you will not be affected by the intrusion.

FolkGirl Thu 30-Jul-15 22:10:04

Welcome to your new life smile

moooolah Fri 31-Jul-15 08:42:26

What do I do about my 4 yo dd? She isn't close to her at all.. but knows of her and occasionally asks ..

And what about when my baby arrives in a few months?

I feel better today for being honest and cutting her off. Just a bit nervous for the after math. Still no response.

FolkGirl Mon 03-Aug-15 11:33:39

Have you had any response?

We went nc with my mother as a family.

My son was old enough to know he didn't like her anyway and my daughter was young enough to forget. She is just never mentioned anymore.

moooolah Mon 03-Aug-15 12:56:27

No I kept the lines open so to speak through the night and over thr next day so she could respond if needed, then I blocked her number.. so she may have but I doubt it. I felt infinitely better for it all the following day but have been struggling to keep my emotions in check a bit since, esp after explaining to my elder sister. . Who though agreed I was doing the right thing, did try to convince me otherwise for the sake of family events. These events are infrequent and I'd rather miss out tbh.

Dd hasn't asked.. I hope with time she'll just not think to, but her cousin will be seeing her grandma regularly so she will get mentioned so I guess I need to think of some indifferent things to say.

Dc2 is due in a few months. I don't want to reinstate contact or give her a misleading green light by informing her of the birth so I guess I'll just let the news trickle to her via my siblings. Feels harsh but the only way to maintain distance. I don't wish to see her so therefore she Is very unlikely to meet them. I feel this is bordering on others thinking i am the bad guy... I don't want to be guilt tripped into continuing this weird 'relationship' with her though.

It's still quite raw still...

FolkGirl Mon 03-Aug-15 13:34:16

Well if it helps, I told my kids that we are an awesome team and that only people who are awesome are allowed to be on our team and that she had proven herself to be someone completely not awesome.

I sounded upbeat, fun and strong. Inside my heart was breaking that this was the family I was giving my children. It's sad and it's hard, but I've never regretted it.

It will be fine flowersstar

moooolah Mon 03-Aug-15 14:34:54

Thanks folkgirl I appreciate you coming back to check in. X

Glitteryarse Mon 03-Aug-15 14:52:29

Hi op ive been NC with my mother for 15 years. It honestly was the best thing I've ever done. There have been times when ive nearly buckled and felt sorry for her as she is so toxic she has isolated herself and hardly any one in our family speak to her. When I feel like this I talk to my DB who reminds me of who and what she is. She damaged us both badly. But we are only human and sometimes still feel guilt and other emotions as our parents are supposed to love, protect and nurture us. I'd write down you thoughts and feelings now so you can look back if you have a wobble. Dd1 doesnt care we're not in contact

Also ive just gone NC with my MIL after five years of taking her shit. She isn't on the same level as my mother but still toxic and I'm not having people like that in my life. However this is proving a little more difficult as she lives around the corner and parks out side the house and posts things through the letter box and I have her family members trying to get me to 'let it go' - even though it's her that's agressive and manipulative. That's when it gets hard. you might find yourself having to avoid people who do her dirty work for her. With you living so close (I literatly live with in eye shot of mils house) there will be times when you see each other. If I'm having a wobble after being swamped with 'well meaning' family members I just check her open facebook page and see her bitterness and spit fullness splashed all over it.

We're planning on moving!

Good luck flowers

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now