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How generous is your DH/DP?

(32 Posts)
Anxiousanne01 Thu 30-Jul-15 15:10:56

As title. I guess I do mean mainly in terms of money but also in terms of time and love too. If they are generous in terms of money, is that to compensate for a lack of generosity in other areas?

Could you be with a partner who was less generous and insisted on a 50/50 split on everything, even if earnings between the two of you varied massively?

There isn’t any real, pressing reason for this post. I think a couple of threads over the past few days on here have got me thinking, that and a girl I work with has just announced that her boyfriend of only 4 months has just surprised her with a long weekend trip away to Barcelona at the end of the month……All paid for by him! Que all us women in the office swooning about how wonderful it would be to have someone do that for them!

WallyBantersJunkBox Thu 30-Jul-15 15:19:27

That is lovely...I've never had that before and I've always thought on how lucky those girls are.

A family member of mine took his girlfriend to New York, bought an engagement ring in Tiffany and proposed in Central Park....

She's very high maintenance though! grin

My husband was bankrolled by me for our entire marriage...3 trips to the Caribbean, Maldives, Florida, 4 times to Egypt all paid by me. He took it all for granted.

He booked two nights on a campsite as part of a trip. That was it. hmm

I have a new partner now...who messaged me the other day to say he must plan a weekend away for us. �� He's not wealthy but he's very generous and caring with what he has.

Apatite1 Thu 30-Jul-15 15:23:40

I hold all family finances. That means my husband gives me 100% of his earnings (we earns quite a bit more than me but I am also a high earner) and i spend as I like for both of us. He doesn't begrudge me any luxuries, but he knows I'm not an idiot so I'd never buy anything we couldn't afford. I decide how much we can save and invest, he does the actual investments as he's better at it.

We have 100% joint finances so generosity isn't really relevant anymore. It's all our money. I'd give him the shirt off my back and he would do the same for me and that's how we both like it. We also prioritise time for each other above all else. Money is no substitute for time.

hereandtherex Thu 30-Jul-15 15:25:18

Hmm, I'd not be impressed with the Barcelona trip.

I've known a few relationships that started with big, OTT impulsive gestures only to end a few years later as those big impulsive spending carried on despite the extra spending commitments.

In fact, I'm not keen on any OTT gestures. Always makes me suspicious.

hereandtherex Thu 30-Jul-15 15:28:28

Oh, we have separate accounts and pool money into a joint account.
I've never been keen on a single, joint account.

I have most of the cash in my name as H is a higher rate tax payer.

Jan45 Thu 30-Jul-15 15:40:51

No if earnings between the two varied massively then I'd think a man who expected a 50/50 split was a stingy git.

expatinscotland Thu 30-Jul-15 15:45:20

No, I could not be with a partner who insisted on 50/50 even if earning varied massively, we are supposed to be partners not flatmates. We pool all our earnings. We are married.

I did have a boyfriend who was in to grand gestures early on like the weekend trip, kept telling me how he took a girlfriend to Paris for a long weekend for her 18th, like he deserved a medal or something. He turned out to be an abusive fuckwit.

shovetheholly Thu 30-Jul-15 15:48:07

If anyone on here has a more generous DH than mine, both emotionally and financially, I will be very surprised. He's a total love.

TeeManyMartoonis Thu 30-Jul-15 15:54:37

DH is very generous but doesn't do surprises like the NY or Barcelona examples. He will however spend hours on something that he knows I would appreciate, like helping me with work stuff or shopping for an outfit I need without complaint.

He is very generous when it comes to birthday and Christmas gifts for me but less so with other people (but then he himself doesn't really understand birthdays or presents - he would much rather not acknowledge his own - so I don't think he really understands them).

We pool all finances, he has just stopped being a student so I have supported him but he has done the same for me. Separate accounts but no counting. He is a very lovely man.

FluffyMcnuffy Thu 30-Jul-15 16:37:45

If anyone on here has a more generous DH than mine, both emotionally and financially, I will be very surprised. He's a total love.

One of the wankiest things I've read on MN hmm.

To answer the OP, no, I bloody hate stinginess and it would instantly put me off a potential partner! It doesn't have to be big flashy gestures but generosity is very important to me (and I reciprocate of course).

shovetheholly Thu 30-Jul-15 16:48:58

But, but, but, I WUVS him FWUFFY.


OK, it probably was a bit much for Mumsnet!!

fourflights Thu 30-Jul-15 16:53:24

That's not one of the wankiest things I've read on here. grin

Jan45 Thu 30-Jul-15 16:54:08

Oh please shove, no more...........blush

LazyLouLou Thu 30-Jul-15 17:00:00

Stop... just stop.

Or I'll have to detail how utterly delish my hubby is. He is totes amazeballs, toots ream and scrummilicious to boot...

(Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh, when will my ears and eyes stop bleeding?)

shovetheholly Thu 30-Jul-15 17:04:47

Is he, like, your total bestie, though LazyLou? Are you cray cray about him?

DefinitelyMaybeNo Thu 30-Jul-15 17:15:09

Not at all.

I hold the finances- he could not tell you what we pay & when. I've bought my own birthday present (from his money!) he's not gone and spent money on me off his own back for a long time although he was very generous when we first met.

Joysmum Thu 30-Jul-15 17:23:21

Why should we accept the valuations of our partners that our employers place on us?

Last time I checked, I thought a marriage was meant to be equal. confused

LazyLouLou Thu 30-Jul-15 17:25:39

You can really go off people, you know! grin

But, just for the OP, we have both been the only wage earner over the years. Both worked so the other could take 4 years out for Uni and have never thought of his 'n' hers money, it is all ours.

I am no longer working and he is more than happy to keep me whilst I sort out whatever the hell it is I want to do (fortunately I do have an idea smile). I have no idea how any other financial arrangement would work - though I am sure they do. Every couple has to work out what works best for them.

Helpful, aren't I? smile

peanutnutter Thu 30-Jul-15 18:57:44

My dh pays all of the bills. my salary is my own he says it's his responsibility to pay for everything an would never expect me to contribute . He is very generous and would never question any expenditure grin however I realise I am very fortunate

inthemed Thu 30-Jul-15 21:36:52

DH and I had a massive disparity in our incomes (3x) when we met and he always paid for both of us when we went out. He took me on a weekend in Paris when we'd been together about six months, and had no problems with me losing the majority of my income when we got married, fully supporting me (now not working) and my DS from a previous relationship. We've had fully joint finances since we've been married, and don't question each other about any kind of spending, and he doesn't put any pressure on me to contribute more to family finances. He doesn't do extravagant gifts though, he doesn't buy expensive jewellery since my engagement ring (which I rarely wear) or do ostentatious gestures.

He's also very generous in terms of time and love, he's happy to take time off work to attend school events for DS and we still go on proper dates about once a week, and he genuinely enjoys spending time with my family (parents and siblings).

WallyBantersJunkBox Fri 31-Jul-15 11:47:06

inthemed he sounds adorable, and you sound very appreciative.

It's nice to hear of happy stories like this! brew

Gives me hope again that I can give my heart again to my lovely guy.

dontneednoaccuser Fri 31-Jul-15 11:49:05

Very generous. He pays for holidays and my clothes - he always says just to ask for whatever I want.

Glitteryarse Fri 31-Jul-15 11:53:37

He would give me his last penny.

Four months in he took me to Cuba - he was a keeper grin

RedDaisyRed Fri 31-Jul-15 11:53:41

He took about £1m of my money on our divorce so I suspect I am the generous one! Women often earn a lot more than men these days - me 10x him.

Asuperwittyquip Fri 31-Jul-15 11:55:00

We are a one single joint account family and we both use it as if it was an individual account so no splitting or asking or presents etc.
In terms of love and affection then he is very generous we spend all our time together (when not at work) mostly doing things together lots of cuddles and kisses.
The only thing he doesn't do is ever cook for me. He is the king of cups of tea and I particularly enjoy the one he brings me in bed each morning before he goes to work.
I think the fact neither of us feel under pressure to do big showy gestures and just genuinely love each others company is part of the reason we are the only couple in our friendship group to still be happliy in our first marriage.

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