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distance relationship

(4 Posts)
1up2down Thu 30-Jul-15 11:51:23

Hi....gonna try and narrow this down as best I can. Met a guy 8mths ago only to find out he still lives with ex...I accepted the situation due to the financial aspect of his circumstances..yes he is in the process of saving and moving out. We are both saving for a place of our own. We did see each other every week but we are a 2 hour drive and so eventually with much tears and heartache agreed to see each other every other week to help with saving and seeing his daughters and family..Now there has been times in the past where I have been dumped last minute due to his daughter visiting which is a 5hour drive and he never knows when she is coming because the ex doesn't ever say. On one occasion he planned to spend a day with his other daughter (both are in mid 20s) who lives at home, only to wake that morning to find she was just leaving the house to attend a wedding, which he knew nothing about again. So we lost a weekend together. I have now reached a point where I feel that our plans should not be sacrificed to accommodate his daughters, espcially when communication is dysfunctional in this family, I don't see why I should be dropped because him and his ex are so beyond broken that she can not see herself right as to tell the father of their children when the daughter at a 5hour drive away is coming to visit...am I at fault here by saying enough, that I can't take anymore let downs, especially as I have planned my weekend with him and I at least appreciate that my friends and family cannot accomodate me on a whim because I have been dumped on the very day I am to spend with my boyfriend. He says if his daughter turns up he will see her instead..but I think his daughter shouldn't just turn up and expect..my children would not do this to me...they have lives and so do I.. obviously if there was an emergency I would have no problem...I would drop all if my family had an emergency, as I would expect him to do the same .isn't that just healthy balanced living..or am wrong!

Cabrinha Thu 30-Jul-15 12:36:47

1. A 2 hour drive is not a long distance relationship
2. Stop bitching about the ex because no ex is responsible for telling her own ex the movements of their ADULT children

Just dump him.
There's the question of whether he has actually split up with his ex hmm How long did it take for you to find that out?
There's also the issue that he can't manage his own relationship with his daughters.
And that frankly he doesn't seem that keen to see you.

Two hours is nothing. You can't drive 60 mins each for a night out midweek? Then one or other of you isn't bothered.

This looks like too much hard work.
Drop him. Go find a man who talks to his own children and doesn't expect his ex to do it for him. Ever think she doesn't tell him because she (like me) thinks "FFS - why do I have to sort this?"
I'd have been unimpressed if he was still my partner.

Reubs15 Wed 05-Aug-15 13:27:22

Why on earth is he not communicating with his own daughters instead of his ex? I'm 24 and my parents are split, I would never expect my mum to pass a message on to ny day! Ridiculous!
I don't want to upset you but it sounds as though he may not be done with his ex or he isn't that bothered about the relationship. Or there could be someone else entirely! If I randomly appeared at my mums and she had plans with her oh there's no way I would ask her to drop her plans.
I also agree that 2 hours doesn't qualify as long distance. As the pp said you could both drive an hour and meet halfway.
Definitely his fault not the ex's. Based on what you've said I would bet he's still with his ex. Sounds like he's using his daughters as an excuse tbh.
Sorry, just have to be honest. You deserve someone who doesn't let you down xx

InTheBox Wed 05-Aug-15 13:40:57

His dc are adults. When I read the OP I expected them to still be children. He needs to sort it out directly with his dds.
He's picking you up and dropping you as he sees fit. You need to question whether this is the type of arrangement you can live with. I also agree that this isn't long distance.

If he's still living with his exW and you've only been together 8months then he's not over it and hasn't had time to adjust to a new chapter in his life. He hasn't really moved on and and he's keeping you at arms length. If he's in the process of moving out etc, then give him some space and do your own thing. When he's stable enough in his own life, with his own place and has established contact with his own dds then see if you're still interested but at the moment you are receiving absolutely nothing from him but confusion and heartbreak.

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