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Unsure

(36 Posts)
armani40 Thu 30-Jul-15 11:42:39

I met a man at end of may. He ticks lots of boxes and we get on lovely.
However the past two weeks it feels like I am the one instigating the contact. I seem to text first he replies of course. He has been away with work this week and had plans already made this weekend. ( children) all fine by me but he hasn't said oh missing you and we can meet up on x date.. I stress that he is kind and loving when we meet. Hmm not sure what path to tread here. What do you think ?

Jan45 Thu 30-Jul-15 11:44:45

The path you take is to chill out and let him contact you, stop instigating it, you will then find out if he's actually interested or just being polite in replying!

armani40 Thu 30-Jul-15 12:20:45

Yes that's what I think I will do ... Hmm guess some men don't take texting that seriously

Vernazza Thu 30-Jul-15 14:01:43

This could be a case of "he's just not into you" or he could be extraordinarily busy at work. Even when busy though, if a man is really into someone, he will take the few minutes need to make contact, so it is likely the former. Maybe time to move on? In any event, I would stop initiating contact coompletely and let him make the next moves.

antimatter Thu 30-Jul-15 14:29:10

so texting was very frequent and now less so?

armani40 Thu 30-Jul-15 17:57:58

Hi well texting was at least on a daily basis ! I've not contacted him today and not heard a thing... So I will leave it until he - if he contacts me.. But I've got a sinking feeling re this hmm

LimeandTonic Thu 30-Jul-15 18:26:01

Hi Armani. It's better to let go now rather than later when you are really invested in the relationship. I know it's hard, but it could be a lot worse. ( not much comfort there, sorry)

armani40 Thu 30-Jul-15 18:54:19

I know lime it could be far far worse.. Men ! Will never understand them

armani40 Fri 31-Jul-15 08:59:34

Well still nothing from him. Feel very sad today :-(.. Thought he was different I keep on remembering the things he said to me.. Didnt seem like he was just going to cut me off..
Fighting the urge to contact him

RealityCheque Fri 31-Jul-15 09:46:53

I never understand why people do this to themselves?

If you are normally the one to text first and have just stopped without warning then he may well be sat there wondering if YOU are about to end it.

Really, stop behaving like a child and act like an adult - TALK to him and ask what the situation is. Either way you will know then.

armani40 Fri 31-Jul-15 10:18:56

That's the thing reality he used to do all the texting ! I know I need to just let this go.. I need a dignified exit but it does not stop it hurting :-(

Jan45 Fri 31-Jul-15 10:43:29

Please do not contact him Armani - I know it's hard but his silence is all you need to know, it might not all be lost but keep your dignity. communication should never be one sided.

DrMorbius Fri 31-Jul-15 11:00:36

He may be sat on Dadsnet right now, saying I am unsure what to do, armani40 usually responds to my txts and yet I have heard nothing for days.......

Why not just txt and say "Hey, is all OK?". Then if you get no response move on.

armani40 Fri 31-Jul-15 11:10:35

Yes I could do that Dr morbius but sadly I know what the response would be- it would go along the lines of sorry this is not working for me :-(.. He has ALWAYS texted daily, that was one of the things that really made me feel relaxed with it all.. This week however it's been me having to text him first and then two hours later I get a response a polite one but basically telling me he is busy.. I do think that does at it all.. No he doesn't get to do that. Fair enough he can walk away any time after all it's only been weeks.. But I'm starting to think I may have been an ego boost for him and even suspecting someone else on scene- I remember he called me someone else's name in bed once ! Hmm

DrMorbius Fri 31-Jul-15 11:22:24

armani40 - Some people (mainly the young) are welded to their phones and respond instantly. Some people (like me) respond as and when. Sometimes I dont even carry my phone around. Meaning; sometimes (for a few days/weeks) I may repsond instantly, other times I may not respond at all. Txts are barely above grunts in mind (I know this is practically a crime nowadays smile ).

So he responds sorry this is not working for me :-(, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. At least you will know for sure and you won't have your mind coming up with a million scenario's like it is currently (ego boost, someone else on scene etc). Or you may be pleasantly surprised by his response.

TheMarxistMinx Fri 31-Jul-15 12:52:34

It is only a few weeks, its a time when you should see each other infrequently and speak when you arrange a date. Not be in constant contact or fretting, and not having to ask "whats up" when you don't speak for a few days when one of you is busy.

However, as is the case mostly in these days of instant everything, fast food, and constant babble you have had sex. Women seem to want instant relationships, men seem to want instant sex. These things are not compatible with each other.

On another thread here, a woman is tying herself in knots over whether to accept an expensive gift from a man she barely knows. Apparently we should all earn, be independent, and see red flags when men are generous or chase us, and yet when a man doesn't text, we should wait with docility for him to chase us. So we should be confused docile and independent. Again not compatible. Quite frankly if she wants a man to chase and woo her, and later to pay the bills she should graciously accept. If she wants equality with a man she should politely decline and go for a beer with him.

So, are you confused ? what should you do? do what is right for you, if you want total equality with a man just send a quick text asking whats up. If you want a man to court you and chase you, don't. In short, be authentic and true to yourself, do not second guess anyone's intentions, just act in accordance with your own.

However, what is the point of overthinking it all, he can't even remember your name, why do you think he can remember when he last saw you?

armani40 Fri 31-Jul-15 12:53:50

Well I texted him ! And as I thought I'm history ! :-( he says he feels we are not going anywhere :-((
Feel really gutted ! Am near to tears :-( feel sick. Want to go home but I can't I'm at work !
Not good just feel so bloody rejected sad

DrMorbius Fri 31-Jul-15 13:15:32

armani40 - you met him end of may and for the last two weeks it feels like I am the one instigating the contact, so your "honeymoon period" was 6 weeks tops. Do you think you may be over investing and also taking this too personally? Sorry if this sounds patronising.

Early on in a relationship there is more chance of failure than success. There are loads of reasons, he may feel you don't have a future and 99% don't mean your a failure (far from it). Your may be like a fabulous glass of champagne, but at the end of the day he may just be a pint of beer man.

TheMarxistMinx Fri 31-Jul-15 13:16:43

At least he was honest enough not to keep you hanging on, I am sorry,((hugs))

Its lunch time...can you take some time out and have a cry on your own, or go and treat yourself to something nice.

Jan45 Fri 31-Jul-15 13:22:52

I think you knew that deep down, look to people's actions, if there is none it's because they are not interested or care.

Sorry, but his silence was an indication of this.

You will be fine, girls night out in order?

DottyCotton Fri 31-Jul-15 13:41:02

Well at least you have an answer now, rather than the constant wondering. It's a shame you can't seem to spot timewasters from the beginning!

armani40 Fri 31-Jul-15 13:42:57

Yes I will be fine but for today I'm not. This feels awful yet I should have seen it coming !
Feel a bit used to be honest as looking back at his messages they all seem to be about sex confused stupid me eh :-( still it bloody does hurt :-(

Jan45 Fri 31-Jul-15 13:55:50

Life is a learning curve always, take note for next chancer.

TheMarxistMinx Fri 31-Jul-15 14:14:54

Its easy to interpret texts about sex as someone's desire for you, especially when you are a blinded by the idea of how wonderful they are. Don't be too harsh on yourself. You haven't done wrong. Better to be happy and trusting and occasionally hurt, than bitter and cynical and never happy!

armani40 Fri 31-Jul-15 16:03:02

That's true Marxist minx ! Hmm just need to get through the next few days as right now am in a cloud of doom :-(

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