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Confused and need advice .

(6 Posts)
Catinthebag Thu 30-Jul-15 07:21:22

Hi I have been with my partner for 8 yrs, we have bought a house that we are currently fixing up. Over the last two weeks I've noticed a change in him, he's distance he's not happy go lucky. His work has been stressful. Last night we had a row I t I'll told him I felt we were distant with each other and if our relationship was going down the pan.
After 10min of talking he broke down and cried and said he wasn't sure if he wanted kids and he knew it would be a deal breaker. A few weeks ago I sat him down and we made the decision for me to come of the pill next yr but I told his family thinking it would set the deal. We eventually came to a decision that we would stay together but need to have a few conversations one at a time and not a on or off conversation. Now I've always wanted kids but I wasn't a 100 per cent sure myself but after hitting 30 I became engrossed in what are the next stages in my life and this is where it's steamed. I wear my heart on my sleeve everyday I can't keep my emotions hidden yet I don't wanna be a blubbering mess for two wks whilst he's away. Please give me advice.

DawnMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 30-Jul-15 12:05:48

Hi, we're moving this thread over to our Relationships topic now.

Cabrinha Thu 30-Jul-15 12:18:41

OK, I'm making a big assumption here but...

You told his family you were coming off the pill NEXT YEAR? To set the deal??? So, on some level you knew he didn't want this.

I think it's really unhealthy that you have tried to force him to keep to it by telling others.

It's a good thing he has been honest quickly. I think you should break up - you want kids, he doesn't, and you're using tactics to try to set deals. That's not good.

Cabrinha Thu 30-Jul-15 12:21:10

Oh I'm sorry - I just saw he said he wasn't sure, not that he didn't want them.

I still think that's a really weird thing to do, telling his family to get it set in stone.

I'd give him x months to think about it. I wouldn't keep bringing it up, but be clear that he should come to you with any questions or fears. Keep to the time limit.

And stop over sharing with his family! It's manipulative.

Twinklestein Thu 30-Jul-15 12:25:58

If you have to tell his family to seal the deal surely you know he's not 100%?

Twinklestein Thu 30-Jul-15 12:26:58

If you want kids you need to find someone who wants them too.

Manouevring soomeone via their family is not going to work.

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