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Exh rape trial

(35 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

iAmSiri Wed 29-Jul-15 21:16:23

I'll try to keep this a brief as possible but my ex is in court soon charged with 2 counts of rape and 1 charge of assault by penetration.
I doubt he'll plead guilty and so I'll probably have to give evidence.
I'm absolutely terrified and not sure I can do it. I suffer with bad anxiety attacks and I just know it's going to happen on the day.

WishIwasanastronaut Wed 29-Jul-15 21:20:53

You CAN do this! GOOD LUCK!

Sorry if that's not helpful. Just wanted to show my support.

Do you have any RL support?

Hugs xx

iAmSiri Wed 29-Jul-15 21:22:31

I have support from my local rape crisis group.

Every time I think of having to stand in front of the court I feel sick and really panicky.

iAmSiri Wed 29-Jul-15 21:24:01

What I found hard is not being able to talk to people about what he did. People don't want to talk about it. Embarrassed?

ManicPixieDream Wed 29-Jul-15 21:29:06

Oh my goodness, no advice. I just want to wish you well. Stay strong. Xx

RumAppleGinger Wed 29-Jul-15 21:31:23

You can do it. You will have masses of support right here to see you through.

iAmSiri Wed 29-Jul-15 21:35:34

Thank you. The thing that worries me the most is that the jury won't believe me. We were married, sleeping in the same bed. I've just read a stupid quote online saying your cant rape your spouse. I know the law says different but what if the jury have that attitude too.

Also I had really pad pnd and ended up being hospitalised. I know they're going to use it against me.

oabiti Wed 29-Jul-15 21:35:37

You can do this flowers

SillyBilly18 Wed 29-Jul-15 21:37:18

I think most people would worry about pushing you & making you feel uncomfortable so they purposely don't mention it or some may have their own personal reasons for not wanting to talk about a such a sensitive topic.

I have come across many trials of a similar nature in my work, you really will be fine if you have to give evidence. You'd be surprised how many women find the strength & determination to seek justice once they discover their attacker has pleaded not guilty!

I think you are amazing for even going this far & you will feel so much better once you have gotten through this process. Trials are daunting but just remember to take your time, try & remain calm & focus on you & only you & you will get through it! If you do start to feel anxious or stressed, just take 5 minutes & start again. It's not a problem & the court will completely undertstand.

I really hope all goes well for you smile

iAmSiri Wed 29-Jul-15 21:38:19

I'm sorry but I have to tell somebody.

I had really bad pnd after the birth of my dd and I was prescribed ad's and sleeping tablet by my GP.

My ex seemed really supportive at first, always reminding me to take my medication.

One night I'd take a strong dose of the sleeping tablets and went to bed as usual. I awoke sometime later by a light. I was confused at first but the realised ex was filming himself sexually assaulting me. I tried to get up to stop him but he pushed me back down and had sex with me.

I didn't say no. I froze with fear and shock. But I'm worried because I didn't say no they won't thing it was rape.

Happy36 Wed 29-Jul-15 21:38:36

Is there a friend or relative who will go with you to the court? Good luck - as the others have said already, you CAN do this.

Notasinglefuckwasgiven Wed 29-Jul-15 21:40:52

You can do this! Keep in mind you have NOTHING to be embarrassed by. He does. You have nothing to fear. He does. He was wrong. You have done the right thing.
As for panic, don't fear it. It's a completely normal reaction to what you've been through. Any jury would see that! Be strong. By getting this far you've already started fighting. This is the end in sight.
We are rooting for you.

ancientbuchanan Wed 29-Jul-15 21:44:40

The judge will be very clear about what constitutes rape and what doesn't, what level of evidence the jury needs. They will have the law explained.

Be brave, for your own sake and for others, you can do it. And whatever the outcome, you will have made a difference. We are holding your hand in a sisterly manner.

It sounds awful, do do you gave RL friends and also think about going to the gp yo gave counselling afterwards.

Thinking if you

iAmSiri Wed 29-Jul-15 22:01:40

I don't really have any rl support. I'm better on my own though. My support worker from rape crisis will come to court with me.

HirplesWithHaggis Wed 29-Jul-15 22:11:24

You're very brave, Siri, and we believe you. flowers

Please don't worry about the jury not believing you. I sat on a jury in an assault case last year, and although the victim (and his main witness) quite obviously lied through their teeth about some matters, the accused was still found guilty. Obviously I'm not allowed to disclose what went on in the jury room, but we were just a random bunch of people who looked closely at the evidence, discussed it thoroughly, and came to our conclusion, with due direction from a fabulous judge. Yours will be the same.

There may even be an MNer, or another rape victim, on your jury, who will put to bed the myth that it wasn't rape because you didn't say no. He made sure you were drugged, and he filmed himself assaulting you. Sounds like plenty of evidence to me.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard Wed 29-Jul-15 22:12:19

Siri, remember that with it going to court you already have people who know your whole situation who believe you.

You have support in RL from your rape crisis contacts. Your ex has been charged.

You just need to be brave and to be clear, you hadn't given consent. That is rape.

Tell the court that you had taken strong sleeping tablets and were woken by the sexual act to which you hadn't consented or even been fit to give consent.

There is recent case history of a footballer being jailed because the jury agreed that the woman he had sex with had been too drunk to give her consent. Two appeals failed.
Juries don't all have the same attitude, don't let some idiot's views affect you.

iAmSiri Wed 29-Jul-15 22:38:35

Thank you. I feel a little calmer after reading your responses.

IonaMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 29-Jul-15 22:49:50

Hi there OP,
We believe you. Best of luck with the trial. We hope all goes as well for you as these things can. We just wanted to let you know that we have edited a couple of details out of your OP. We didn't want to risk prejudicing the trial in any way and causing any trouble for you. Hope you don't mind. Do come back and let us know how it goes. We'll be thinking of you.

goddessofsmallthings Wed 29-Jul-15 22:51:30

You've said he's 'due to give his plea' next month - is that in the Crown Court or is he due to appear again in front of the Magistrates'?

In the event that you are required to give evidence, has provision been made for a screen to be erected so that you won't see him when you are in the witness box?

With regard to your anxiety, I suggest you ask your GP for beta-blockers and take one before the day in case they disagree with you.

You may not have any rl support from friends/family in rl but you'll find no shortage of it here flowers

RandomMess Wed 29-Jul-15 22:52:12

Wishing you all the best flowers

SocialMediaAddict Wed 29-Jul-15 23:02:29

Good luck. Be brave.

notapizzaeater Wed 29-Jul-15 23:05:15

Good for you for pushing forwards. Yes it will be hard but it's for the best. ,people don't like talking bout things like this so don't worry if people aren't helping you, they probably don't know what to say. Good luck x

iAmSiri Wed 29-Jul-15 23:52:21

Thank you Mnhq, I didn't even think about that.

He's already been at magistrates and it has been referred straight to crown.

larrybadler Thu 30-Jul-15 06:56:44

Hi Siri, if you contact your local SARC or Rape Crisis they might be able to put you in touch with an Independent Sexual Violence Advisor (ISVA) who will be able to support you through this whole process. They can usually go and do a pre trial visit with you so you can look at the court and decide how you would prefer to give your evidence and they will be able to support you on the day too. PM me if you can't find one in your area. Good luck.

InnocentWhenYouDream Thu 30-Jul-15 07:15:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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