Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Marriage with no physical attraction

(11 Posts)
Hotair123 Wed 29-Jul-15 20:42:10

I've never really had any physical attraction towards dh. We got married based on being good friends, getting along and the situation suiting us. I've never really felt physically attracted to him and so this has after 5 years made any intimacy or continuing a sex life very difficult. My dh is obviously attracted to me which makes things more difficult. I would love to have the intimacy and feel attracted to dh but I just can't and don't feel like that with him (although I think I would with someone else).
Has anyone's marriage survived a significant lack of attraction?

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Wed 29-Jul-15 22:23:41

Best end it OP. There was a thread last month from a man in a dreadful state, because his OH made her dislike of intimacy plain and flatly refused to address it.

Do you have children? If so, it'll be harder, but even more necessary. No one should be brought up in an atmosphere of despair.

goddessofsmallthings Wed 29-Jul-15 22:36:07

Set him free to find someone that doesn't find him physically repulsive is sexually attracted to him.

I don't usually advocate lying but on this occasion I suggest you spare his ego by simply saying that you've fallen out of love with him and the marriage is no longer working for you.

He'll be hurt but he'll get over it and I trust that you won't make the same mistake again.

Inexperiencedchick Wed 29-Jul-15 22:39:37


applecatchers36 Wed 29-Jul-15 22:43:19

Give yourself permission to move on and find someone you are attracted to/ compatible with and allow him the freedom and opportunity to do the same. You only get one life, live it fully.

SeaCabbage Wed 29-Jul-15 22:55:48

I agree with PPs, set him free to find someone who does find him attractive. What an awful way for him to live, poor bloke. You too would no doubt be happier with someone you actually fancy. What kind of a marriage is it this way?

Chchchchangedname Thu 30-Jul-15 07:50:56


I've been on the other end of this situation. It was a large part (perhaps, in hindsight, the main part) of why my marriage ended.

dominogocatgo Thu 30-Jul-15 10:52:39

This may seem a stupid question, but if the OP does decide to end the marriage, does she have sufficient grounds for divorce ?

firesidechat Thu 30-Jul-15 11:07:26

Of course they can get divorced. Either live apart for 2 years if both parties agree or live apart for 5 years if only one wants the divorce. No one is forced to stay in a marriage that isn't working.

EponasWildDaughter Thu 30-Jul-15 17:24:48

I was in this situation too OP. About 9 years ago now. I left.

domino - i was unsure too. We did divorce. I asked him to divorce me, saying what ever he liked (legal advice said it would be cheaper and easier for everyone that way) but he wouldn't. He forced me to divorce him which meant i had to make a statement about why i wanted to leave the marriage. The statement made him angry, he then dug in his heels about every little detail and things got messy and expensive. That was my experience in a nut shell!

You do both only get one life OP. Move on.

XH and i are now both happily remarried. It was so worth the struggle to separate. I don't regret leaving for one moment.

beaglesaresweet Thu 30-Jul-15 23:58:50

to end marriage in this situation, it's now usual to cite 'unreasonable behaviour' of a spouse who refuses to be intimate altogether (for that it's best not to force yourself, OP but actually stop sleeping with him) - has to come from him. You have to be honest and tell your H that you don't have an yintention of sleeping with him again, he may then agree to start the divorce as above, but I fear if you ar not honest the poor guy will be trying various approaches to rekindle what you 'had' (in his misguided view).

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now