Maybe it *is* me ...

[BlackSunshine]

I'm a regular poster who has recently NCd.

I've had a peculiar time over the last couple of years: a close friend suffered a traumatic bereavement which affected me deeply and later (although unconnected), my relationship with my extended family fell apart (essentially, they were toxic and I chose to no longer play their game).

Unfortunately the bereavement seems to have driven a wedge between my friend and I, and we are no longer close. We have both changed and I don't think there's any going back. I accept this. I am now completely NC with my extended family and have been for 18m and am also accepting.

The problem is that I feel like I have emotionally hardened, partly because of these experiences and I keep people at a distance. I'm distrustful and feel like it's only a matter of time before someone will do something hurtful, so I do not have any real friends outside of my immediate family. I used to think the problem came from other people, but the problem has to be with me, doesn't it?

How do I get my 'softer' side back? Are these normal feelings to be experiencing after relationship breakdowns? Especially so relatively late afterwards?

[SoleBizzzz]

You need to feel O.K with who you are first. Psychodynamic therapy helped me. You've had a tough time. Don't blame yourself is easy to say but you need to stop that somehow.

[whatisforteamum]

I am sorry you ve gone through the mill and TBH im feeling pretty much the same as my job changed my Df is dying and my DH hasnt been the same since a heart attack and other illness the last 2 yrs.I am sure it isnt you you are just feeling that way as you are low.Onwards and upwards and i hope things change for the better

[Hidingmyidentity]

Experiences in life do change us, I think that is only natural. Also I find as I get older I am no longer prepared to put up with other people's poor behaviour. If I lose contact with friends because of that then so be it.