Talk

I'm a regular poster who has recently NCd.

I've had a peculiar time over the last couple of years: a close friend suffered a traumatic bereavement which affected me deeply and later (although unconnected), my relationship with my extended family fell apart (essentially, they were toxic and I chose to no longer play their game).

Unfortunately the bereavement seems to have driven a wedge between my friend and I, and we are no longer close. We have both changed and I don't think there's any going back. I accept this. I am now completely NC with my extended family and have been for 18m and am also accepting.

The problem is that I feel like I have emotionally hardened, partly because of these experiences and I keep people at a distance. I'm distrustful and feel like it's only a matter of time before someone will do something hurtful, so I do not have any real friends outside of my immediate family. I used to think the problem came from other people, but the problem has to be with me, doesn't it?

How do I get my 'softer' side back? Are these normal feelings to be experiencing after relationship breakdowns? Especially so relatively late afterwards?