Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

DH expects me to become the cleaner in the work holidays- does yours?

(123 Posts)
Millie3030 Wed 29-Jul-15 17:01:42

So have a few weeks off work now and enjoying time with DS, playing, reading going to farms, swimming, arts and crafts days, out and about and bonding with my little guy.

I work longi(ish) days and it's a real treat to just be off, wear jeans, not be dressed and out the door by 7am. Our house is quite tidy, most people say it is really tidy, it's not, we have a play area where DS can go mad with toys, the kitchen is pretty tidy and clean, and lounge is tidy and hoovered twice a week. now I know I'm off work but when this happens do you then become the main cleaner?

My DH has always kind of hinted/suggested that the house should be sorted while he is at work. I'm running around after a toddler and now feel I have to make the house spotless for his return. This week the dishwasher has been unloaded, beds made, dinner cooked and cleaned away while he puts DS to bed, washing done, house hoovered, is that enough or do you do more? He will say "but you are off, you should be doing more than me".

Basically am I lazy cow? Or should I say "I'm off work chill out!"

fuzzywuzzy Wed 29-Jul-15 17:03:04

What housework does he do when he's off work?

Jan45 Wed 29-Jul-15 17:03:41

Does it really matter to him that much fgs, you certainly don't sound remotely lazy no.

fabuLou Wed 29-Jul-15 17:04:38

dies he actually say he wants you to do more?

fabuLou Wed 29-Jul-15 17:05:29

You sound like your enjoying your dc and getting bits done too. Sounds good to me!

Queenbean Wed 29-Jul-15 17:07:16

What does he do when he's off work?

museumum Wed 29-Jul-15 17:07:54

Does he want your ds sitting around while you clean? Or does he value the experiences and fun you're giving your child? My dh would be happy if I did a bit at nap time or stuff that can be done with ds but he knows that it's valuable for ds to have days out or swimming etc

LionsDontWeaveLentils Wed 29-Jul-15 17:08:52

It's your holiday. You can do what you like with it I think. My dh is using up a week of holiday at the moment, dd is in nursery so he had the house to himself, but I still don't expect him to do more because it's his holiday. He had worked hard for it and if he wants to spend it on his arse rating cake then he is entitled to do so. I would be rather put out if anyone tried to tell me what I should do with my time off (especially if it was cleaning their mess)

Iggly Wed 29-Jul-15 17:10:55

Tell him to fuck off

StandoutMop Wed 29-Jul-15 17:19:47

I work term time only. In the holidays I keep the children clean(ish) and fed. I keep the house generally ticking over, so today have done load of washing, emptied dishwasher and washed up from last nights dinner party. Am currently cooking tonight's dinner, listening to the cricket and MNing.

Tbh, this is pretty much what I do year round, bar the all day childcare. I made a fairly big career sacrifice to go term time only so children could chill out when off school (& to save on holiday clubs etc). DH doesn't expect me to do loads more just because I am off, mostly because he would never manage all 3 DC for 6 weeks so considers what I do more than enough already.

Joysmum Wed 29-Jul-15 17:29:09

This is fair if this is what he'd do in his time off. If not then it's not.

Jan45 Wed 29-Jul-15 17:31:24

So what's the problem then.

Is it because he's making you feel the two of you are in competition re house cleaning?

ValancyJane Wed 29-Jul-15 17:31:57

I do more housework and also more cooking when I'm off work, but not all of it by a long shot. OH always does more when he's off work too, so I don't mind. If it was an expectation, I would!

candybar Wed 29-Jul-15 17:43:11

My husband is the same.

I work term time only, have three school aged children, he will often call and ask what I've been doing ect. Today I told him that we'd made some cakes and dd1 had done some
Cooking, oh what an easy life he replied. Bloody cheek, I reminded him that I'm unable to take annual leave which means that every day I have off I'm with the children - however he can book a day off during term time and spend it doing as he wishes.

Tell your dh to jog on before he thinks he can get away with it confused

RedDaisyRed Wed 29-Jul-15 17:45:56

No in equal m marriages where women often out earn men. In those better marriages everyone pulls their weight.

SeasideSunshine Wed 29-Jul-15 17:46:07

My ex used to do this - when he was off work for the week, he didn't want to do anything around the house "it's my holiday, I want a break." But with my holiday it was my chance to catch up on things around the house. hmm

OnlyLovers Wed 29-Jul-15 17:47:23

He's being a cock. You have a right to enjoy your time off work. And it sounds like you're doing plenty anyway.

What housework does/would he do if he's off work and at home? Have you asked him this? I'd be interested to hear his answer.

WitchofScots Wed 29-Jul-15 17:49:49

I seem to recall that it was mentioned, yes. Once. It wasn't mentioned again.....

fishybits Wed 29-Jul-15 17:50:13

No. He hoovers which I hate and I do the bathrooms which I don't mind. We'll both dust the house and clean the kitchen when it needs doing.

Neither of us have high standards which helps grin

TheHouseOnBellSt Wed 29-Jul-15 17:51:25

Hmm. I think you should do a bit more housework tbh but see I'm in a minority. If he was at home then I'd say the same thing...if one half of a couple who usually works is at home for a couple of weeks then surely it's kinder to your partner to do a bit more?

TheHouseOnBellSt Wed 29-Jul-15 17:56:23

I could be wrong of course but there's something rather precious about saying "It's my holiday I can do what I want"

I know that's not something you actually said op but that's the gist of it.

Newtobecomingamum Wed 29-Jul-15 18:17:32

No you shouldn't be doing more! I find work a walk in the park compared to running around after my toddler lol (although I love him to death and enjoy every moment with him).

Can you afford a cleaner once a week for a couple of hours? Our cleaner costs £20 a week and does two hours and it's a godsend when working full time, means I can then spend weekends fully with toddler rather than cleaning etc. Takes the pressure off a bit.

sanfairyanne Wed 29-Jul-15 19:13:36

my dh has the 'its my holiday i can do what i want' attitude. so he goes off on cycling weeks away

op is looking after a toddler. a 'holiday' of sorts but hardly 'me time'

AcrossthePond55 Wed 29-Jul-15 19:50:52

I'd remind him that you are on vacation. Unless he spends his vacation (even a day off here and there) playing housekeeper, he has no room to talk.

I'd say that I probably did a little bit more than usual when I took time off and was home, but I certainly didn't become the household skivvy!

Millie3030 Wed 29-Jul-15 20:05:09

I think as I'm off work I should do more maybe 30% more, as creating summer memories is far more important to me. But he expects me to spend DS's one hour nap time stripping the beds and cleaning the bathroom his EXACT words this afternoon.

DH never has time off without me so when he is off we are both there to clean and look after DS, he has never spent a whole day on his own with DS I would love to see how much 'more' he gets done.

I would love to take a photo of my lounge and kitchen to show the 'mess' he calls it, you would laugh, I'm sitting in the lounge now and there is no mess, not a cup, toy, piece of paper, nothing. It's clean, tidy, hoovered and dusted but he said he came home today to mess. He also said he refuses to pick up after me for the next few weeks, when I asked what he ever has to pick up after me and he said this morning there were crumbs on the side. ( they were his from breakfast as I have been out all morning with DS)

I said about getting a cleaner he said i should pay for it. It's bloody exhausting.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now