Feeling a little bit blah really. DH is away on business and it's given me some space to think about how things are going and I'm not sure how I feel about our relationship right now.
There are many niggles, I guess that's normal when you've been married this long? Problem is, I don't think I like him right now, and that's quite hard to face. I think I still love him though.
There are many little things, some big things, that are making me really question it all, but the thing that has really made me think was when DS (6) stood on a glass cold frame at MILs and fell through.
Thankfully he is OK, he cut the top of his foot - it needed glueing but could have been much worse. No-one was watching him, yet they were all in the garden (I wasn't there). He called to tell me he was on the way to the hospital and could I meet him there - I admit I could have handled it better, I was quite angry that no-one was keeping an eye on DS. We had a huge argument the day after which culminated in him repeatedly calling me a "stupid woman", with his face inches from mine, for behaving the way I did. My 'crime'? I asked whether the bleeding was slow or spurting. Apparently I was condescending towards him.
DD (10) has recently said that he told her I was too hard on him. This was after she fell off her scooter and needed a plaster - he told her that he thought I'd probably moan at him again. Obviously I didn't.
I object to being called stupid (who wouldn't?), and I told him so after he had cooled down. He claims doesn't remember saying it.
There's no-one in RL that I am able to talk to yet. I know I need to talk to him, but the 'stupid woman' incident has made me reluctant to do so, and over the years there have been a number of discussions that have been turned around to be my fault.
Not after any sympathy, just need to get it down somewhere. Trying to get some clarity.
Thanks for reading.
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After 23 years is this all there is?
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Ishtar2410 · 29/07/2015 16:42
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