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Why do men and women have such different dating priorities?

(74 Posts)
Interdasty Wed 29-Jul-15 15:20:58

What's the biggest issue when it comes to dating ? How to make sure the man isn't just after sex. You see it on MN and everywhere else over and over again.

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/plenty-of-fish-dating-site-founder-pulls-intimate-encounters-option-to-ward-off-sleazy-men-8626107.html

*But the founder of one of Britain’s biggest dating website has now decided to take radical action to root out fake and sleazy profiles - after revealing that many of the “women” who use the hook-ups section of his site are actually men in disguise.

Writing to members on Monday, Markus Frind, the Canadian founder of Plenty of Fish (POF), said that he had been forced to make a series of changes to its membership rules because too many male users are harassing women for sex.

The entrepreneur said that he had decided to scrap the “Intimate Encounters” option on the POF site due to complaints from some of its female users suffering unwanted attention.

In a message sent to all members, he said that only 6,041 of the 3.3 million people who use the site every day are in fact women looking for no-strings-attached trysts – adding “the ones with hot pictures are mostly men pretending to be women.*

So basically almost no women are looking for sex while with men the story is completely different. Why aren't there equal numbers of men and women looking for similar things? Why are men much more likely to be wanting sex while women are after relationships?

RagstheInvincible Wed 29-Jul-15 15:25:03

I don't know OP but the same thought has often crossed my mind.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster Wed 29-Jul-15 15:26:31

So basically almost no women are looking for sex while with men the story is completely different. Why aren't there equal numbers of men and women looking for similar things? Why are men much more likely to be wanting sex while women are after relationships?

Never used POF but I did over the years use match and Time Out and from my purely anecdotal non peer reviewed observations is that the women were just as capable of having casual no strings sex on a first date then the guys were, they were just less likely to admit as such on their profiles!

WhySoAngry Wed 29-Jul-15 15:36:15

When I was 16 someone told me: Men give love to get sex. Women give sex to get love.

Sounds like nothing's changed.

FredaMayor Wed 29-Jul-15 15:48:20

I think we should be told what Frind's house is worth and by how many stones his weight ballooned when he heard the devastating news?

Ignore that sort of stuff, OP, it's all fiction.

CheersMedea Wed 29-Jul-15 15:52:37

Generally women are looking for security.
Men are looking for sex.

pocketsaviour Wed 29-Jul-15 15:54:16

Prioritising sex over an emotional attachment is certainly perceived as a masculine characteristic but it's by no means exclusive to men.

OD in general is still very traditional in that men almost always contact women and are expected to suggest the first date. That social barrier means that men tend to send out hundreds of messages on OD, knowing that 90% of them won't get a response. This is probably what fuels the "sex pest" thing - a totally scattershot approach, treating it as a "numbers game".

TBH if I was the POF boss I'd have just made that option for casual sex a premium feature. Or launched a paid spin-off site ("To weed out the timewasters and fake profiles") for hook-ups only. Because it's a HUGE market.

WhySoAngry Wed 29-Jul-15 15:57:02

BTW: Frind sold POF a couple of weeks ago for $575 million in cash. Don't think he'll be needing OLD to find a partner!

uk.businessinsider.com/how-markus-frind-bootstrapped-plentyoffish-and-sold-it-for-575-million-2015-7?r=US&IR=T

Jan45 Wed 29-Jul-15 15:58:39

I know plenty women just looking for sex. I think as you get older the need to get your leg over becomes less urgent and both men and women start to look at the bigger picture and having a future with someone.

A lot of married men are on dating sites, it's tragic.

WhySoAngry Wed 29-Jul-15 15:59:09

It was bought by the company that owns match.com, OKCupid and Tinder

SolidGoldBrass Wed 29-Jul-15 15:59:40

There are loads of women looking for casual sex, it's just that we are a little less blatant about it than the male losers are - partly to keep the male losers at bay. Because, even if what we want is a different dick every night, we want one that's been washed recently and is attached to a man who doesn't give the impression of wanting to keep your headless corpse in his basement forever.
(Just like the majority of men who want casual sex want it with a woman who isn't toothless, warty, morbidly obese and obsessed with her-ex-the-bastard...)

SolidGoldBrass Wed 29-Jul-15 16:00:58

Actually, the trouble with the annoying, desperate men on dating sites is generally that they are so fucking ugly, socially inept and smelly, yet think they are somehow entitled to 'beautiful' women rather than average ones...

Interdasty Wed 29-Jul-15 16:12:20

Actually, the trouble with the annoying, desperate men on dating sites is generally that they are so fucking ugly, socially inept and smelly, yet think they are somehow entitled to 'beautiful' women rather than average ones...

Ha! That's certainly true! But if you look at every dating site you also find millions of 40 yo obese single mothers who work part time and/or are on benefits and expect George Clooney to show up in front of their house and serenade them with a band of mariachis! So standards seem to be quite high on both sides. Except if it's just sex... go out on a saturday night as a woman who weighs under 400lbs and you'll have to beat the blokes away with a stick, especially at closing time! :D

Interdasty Wed 29-Jul-15 16:14:18

After all , they do say ''any hole is a goal''. Never heard any woman say ''any pole is a goal''.

NoArmaniNoPunani Wed 29-Jul-15 16:15:58

That article is 2 years old

madgirlslovesong Wed 29-Jul-15 16:20:40

Interdasty I find your posts pretty shocking to be honest! Luckily my 31 year old bf doesn't seem to mind that I'm a - shock horror- single mother who claims some tax credits and is 35 years old!!! Because we're people, not stereotypes from the TV.
Some men chase sex. They are perhaps more open about that. Lots of men want relationships.

WhySoAngry Wed 29-Jul-15 16:25:10

NoArmaniNoPunani - best username yet!

suzanneyeswecan Wed 29-Jul-15 16:27:28

I think there are various reasons, eg

women are more likely to be wary of men they dont know than vice versa so have a vested interest in getting to know a man first, to gauge his temperament, make sure they feel comfortable and safe with him.

tends to be easier for men to get what they want sexually, a man is better able to take control of the encounter and not have any concern for whether she enjoys it or not. So again she has a vested interest in making an emotional connection.

the invasion of porn aimed at men has led men to feel as if women are happy to be treated as if their pleasure is secondary or incidental.
Men end up just behaving appallingly on dating sites, probably becoming ever more frustrated and misogynistic

Interdasty Wed 29-Jul-15 16:30:19

Armani, it still applies now , it did 100 years ago and it probably will 100 years from now. My guess it applied 200.000 years ago as well.

Madgirl, I was talking about women and men who have very high expectations compared to what they have to offer themselves, not about you. In this case, the women who are 40, single mothers, renting, low income who think their male equivalent (non-solvent, low income, renting, fat bald aging man) is way beneath them and Richard Gere (is his late 1980 silvery fab prime) is just around the corner.

Interdasty Wed 29-Jul-15 16:32:58

Just realized NoArmani's name is quite related to this thread lol!

PanGalaticGargleBlaster Wed 29-Jul-15 16:42:32

Care to shoehorn anymore sweeping statements into your post suzanney?

NoArmaniNoPunani Wed 29-Jul-15 16:44:07

just realized NoArmani's name is quite related to this thread lol!

How? Are you a toilet attendant?

suzanneyeswecan Wed 29-Jul-15 16:45:08

I was talking about women and men who have very high expectations compared to what they have to offer themselves

if you are a woman on a hook up site where there are 20 men to every woman then then you might expect to be able to choose men who would be 'out of your league' if you were looking for a relationship.

Or it may just be the case that only the most attractive men get a look in with the attractive women and the 'beta' males go without because they are unwilling to lower their expectations?

madgirlslovesong Wed 29-Jul-15 17:12:20

I don't think there's anything wrong with high expectations though. I am attractive and don't think being a single mother makes me less appealing (apart from to the type of man I wouldn't be interested in anyway). I did want a partner with a degree, as I have one. I made it v clear that I wanted a relationship on my profile and it quickly becomes obvious which men are after sex, anyway.

MadeMan Wed 29-Jul-15 17:25:22

"Frind sold POF a couple of weeks ago for $575 million in cash."

That's a big suitcase; hope he's got a roofrack on his Ford Focus.

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