Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Do I contact him?

(9 Posts)
Summerlovinf Tue 28-Jul-15 17:06:56

I was seeing a man recently for several weeks and we had fun. When I met him I was recuperating from an injury, which involved me taking several weeks off work. Just as I'm feeling better, we had some time off planned together but, by coincidence, he's now had an accident that involves broken bones. We then moved from seeing each other occasionally to me then picking him up from the hospital and visiting him daily. When I visited him he tried to initiate sex, which would be dangerous to him given the nature of his injury, and I felt that I was put in a position of being 'the sensible' one, which I did not want to take on.

After that he asked me to visit him each day after my work. He lives around 20 miles from me and I work 35 miles in the other direction so although I did it a couple of times, it's a bit much for me both because of my own recuperation and because i have other things to do. He's not been at all pushy about it. If anything I'm demanding on myself. I finished with him at the weekend because I felt over-whelmed. His response was that maybe he came on too strong. If it wasn't for his accident then we would still be having nice time casually dating and taking things slowly.

My history is of having a controlling husband with EA (who can still be difficult) then a strange relationship with a man who turned out to be dangerous/psychotic. I've mostly been single for 2 years and is the first man I've been out with for ages who I've trusted and feel comfortable with. I haven't got any bad feeling about this guy I just panicked. I don't want to mess him around by getting back in touch when I have ended it with him. But I wish that I'd just told him that I want to take it slower rather than completely ending it. Any advice?

Slothlorian Tue 28-Jul-15 17:12:33

It's not too late to tell him that. Give it a chance ?

Summerlovinf Tue 28-Jul-15 18:07:48

I don't know. Is it acceptable to get back in touch with someone like this? How do I start the conversation?

Smorgasboard Tue 28-Jul-15 18:36:53

Although you say casual, it sounds like you are not being casual about it. Better work out what his intensions are. Taking it slow is not the same thing as casual, in fact it could mean the opposite.
So was that you just having a bit of fun for a few weeks or him? Did you then become useful to him? It's odd to ask a casual someone to go so many miles on a daily basis.
Before you get in touch be honest with yourself about what you want out of this, then fathom if he is on the same page or a FB that's taking liberties.

Summerlovinf Tue 28-Jul-15 19:05:30

I don't think either he or I saw it as 'just a bit of fun'. In fact, partly due to my injuries, we have only had sex a couple of times. By casual I meant taking it slowly, enjoying each other's company and seeing where it went. I think he probably had more of a bf/gf arrangement in mind but it felt pretty even. I visited him in hospital because it was a day that we had planned to spend together. Then I went the following day for the same reason (I had the day off). I went once after work and found it tiring.

RealityCheque Tue 28-Jul-15 19:26:52

Just tell him what you wrote here - that you panicked and would he like to give it another go...

A decent guy will understand.

britneyspearscatsuit Wed 29-Jul-15 00:05:24

A decent guy WILL understand.

Watch ho he plays it though. Make our apology and if he gives you an immediate clean slate he has let it go. If he is standoffish and seems to be punishing you, then walk away. Someone people can't let things go.

Summerlovinf Wed 29-Jul-15 10:02:11

Thanks! I shouldn't take it all on myself...he knew I was only just back at work, wasn't fit to drive long distances and that I wanted to take it slowly anyway.

Smorgasboard Fri 31-Jul-15 01:30:23

He was mistaken, hopefully, to ask it of you. Or he was feeling sorry for himself and knew he was being cheeky but pushed it for his own needs?
You would find out which it is by telling him it's too much for you, so are only able to see him on your days off, and would rather do that then end things. How he reacts to that should give you a clue to what he thinks of you.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: