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Feel like he is bored of me

(14 Posts)
Karla111 Tue 28-Jul-15 08:54:45

Hi ladies, I am so confused I just don't know what to do. For the last 4 or 5 months I feel like my partner isn't interested in me.
We hardly speak and when we do it's me that makes the effort and he just has a bored look on his face. Or I will start speaking to him and he will just ignore me and carry on playing his stupid game! Even when our children are in bed he is either on this phone or on his game on the PC in the corner of the room.
I have tried talking to him about it but he just gets defensive and says I am being controlling by trying to stop him playing on his game or talking to people. I'm not saying he shouldn't do it but it's as soon as he gets home from work until we go to bed. I feel very lonely and he just won't listen to me when I tell him how I feel. We are arguing more than normal and I just can't take it anymore. I am scared for our children that if things carry on I could fall out of love with him. I could really use some advise
Thanks

Minime85 Tue 28-Jul-15 09:01:06

Hi there. I am so sorry to hear how things are. What do you think is at the root of it all?

Dilema76 Tue 28-Jul-15 09:03:33

Sounds like you already have!

His behaviour is not acceptable in a relationship. Play your game (if you musthmm) for an hour but there should at least he some time for chat etc with partner.

Personally I would lay it on the line for him. Tell him how unhappy he is making you feel and that you will want a split if it carries on. You have to mean it though!

He doesn't sound like the sort of partner I'd want in any case.

Other than being a dad to your kids, does he have any good qualities?

Karla111 Tue 28-Jul-15 09:16:30

I have no idea how it started I think it was when he started playing on that game. It started an hour or 2 a day and it's turned into an all night thing.
I am just very fed up now.
At the minute I can't see any other good qualities in him, all I ever see of him is the back of his head because he is just staring at a PC screen.
I have told him before I will leave him if it carries on and he was horrible to me for days saying I was controlling. In the end I just give up because it was easier to look at him on the PC than listen to him being horrible to me.

Karla111 Tue 28-Jul-15 09:35:47

He even forgot my birthday a few weeks ago!! It look him until dinner time to realise and then had the cheek to argue with me when he realised because I was upset. He said I was acting like a child but when it was his birthday I took him out for a meal with all his family. I made an effort, got the children to make him cards. And had bought his present weeks before. I got some earrings from Argos at 2pm and he brought home KFC . And guess what he did that night, played on his game..
Who want KFC on their birthday what a cop out!!!

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable Tue 28-Jul-15 09:45:37

You are asking the wrong question. So what if he is bored with you?

You should be bored with him. He sounds deeply deeply boring.

He obviously believes he can do whatever he likes and you will put up with it.

It is concerning that the way he gets you to shut up and just accept his bad behaviour is by being horrible to you. It is hideous that that is his tactic. It is hideous that it works.

You should be very very fucking angry about the birthday and furious about the ongoing horribleness. Why aren't you?

Why are you thinking you are at fault: feel like he is bored of me instead of "my husband is boring and when he's not boring he's nasty" ?

Goodbyemylove Tue 28-Jul-15 10:48:55

ketchup is right, you haven't done anything wrong.

He knows his behaviour is out of order, and the way he treated you on your birthday is insulting. That is why he is getting all defensive.

I had similar with exh who was permanently attached to the laptop. When they choose that above you, I don't see any way back tbh.

balloongoespop Tue 28-Jul-15 10:59:10

What game is it? Something very addictive by the sounds of it. Don't put up with this, he is opting out of family life with his addiction.

Karla111 Tue 28-Jul-15 13:09:01

It's called Everquest. I was extremely angry but I am past that point now I just feel fed up.
We have spoke on the phone today but he says he will stop the game if I don't watch soaps although they only on for an hour most nights �� and I can't watch anything unless he wants to. I can't win. I don't want him to stop totally just cut it down.
He said he will talk more when he is home but I'd put money on us having an argument!!
Oh yea and he says I'm lucky he isn't out drinking at weekends but tbh I wouldn't mind and I would love to go out now and again but if I say I want to he makes me feel bad because he doesn't.

Jan45 Tue 28-Jul-15 13:27:39

Another one echoing, it's him that sounds boring. If he doesn't want to invest in the relationship then yes you really need to consider if it's worth sticking around.

Karla111 Tue 28-Jul-15 13:34:12

I know I have spent 2 hours this afternoon browsing right move looking for houses. I just feel awful for my children, I grew up with out living with my dad it's like history repeating it's self.

pocketsaviour Tue 28-Jul-15 13:46:23

Everquest is known to be addictive... See this article for example:
www.videogameaddiction.co.uk/gaming-addiction/everquest.html

But it does sound to me like the problem runs deeper than this and there are other problems, namely that you don't like the same things and he doesn't seem to respect or value you.

I'm sorry OP, I think you may be better off without him. You moving out doesn't mean your kids won't have him: if he's a decent dad, he'll stay in contact. But right now they are learning that "Daddy values his computer game more than me", which is a terrible thing for any child to face sad

Jan45 Tue 28-Jul-15 13:53:02

Doesn't stop your children seeing him, least they wouldn't be modelling their future relationships on yours.

Karla111 Tue 28-Jul-15 14:13:49

Thanks for the article most of it does sum him up. I might actually show it to him see if that makes him realise.

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