Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Your own parents disliking you

(37 Posts)
swisstruffles Sun 26-Jul-15 16:21:49

Perhaps 'dislike' is a little strong but I certainly was given the distinct impression, both explicitly and implicitly as a child and teenager that I was a disappointment to my parents. I was loved, but out of duty and not through any real quality on my part.

Has anybody else experienced this?

FredaMayor Sun 26-Jul-15 16:25:52

IME parents can be good, bad and inadequate. It seems you may have got the latter.

absolutelynotfabulous Sun 26-Jul-15 16:55:20

Yes. My mother never forgave me for leaving the street and setting up home in the "Big City". She was still having a go on her deathbed!.

Is there any particular reason why you think they're disappointed in you?

FernGullysWoollyPully Sun 26-Jul-15 16:59:19

I just typed out a huge post about my situation with parents but didn't want to turn it into a pity party about me so will just say yes, I don't think either of my parents ever liked me.

OverTheRiver Sun 26-Jul-15 16:59:46

Yes, I've experienced this and still do. I have a narcissistic mother so was always compared to my golden child older brother. Perhaps check out the stately homes thread to see if this might be whats really going on in your situation. When I finally realized this about my family dynamic it helped.

Wrapdress Sun 26-Jul-15 17:05:47

Yes, my mother has never liked me, but as she approaches 80 years old and she realizes she will need me to take care of her as she ages, she's become quite worried - as she should be. Ya know, karma and all.

40somethingwonderful Sun 26-Jul-15 17:07:35

Yes me too!

My brother (he who can do no wrong) was always the one, to do what they wanted and kept quiet with their unreasonable demands.

I now live hundreds of miles away from my family, and in the 2 years since I have moved I have never felt happier.

HPsauciness Sun 26-Jul-15 17:07:53

My husband's parents don't like him and it's awful really, especially as he's a really lovely person and there's nothing to dislike. They've managed to convey their disappointment of him even though he was good at school as a child and then reasonably successful with a nice family in adulthood. Don't know what they were expecting! It isn't about him though, it's totally about them. They are a bit dysfunctional and very judgmental. It really is them and not you.

ostrichchurchyard Sun 26-Jul-15 18:53:40

Me too! I've always known it. I tried so hard anyway but always seemed to inadvertently do or say something wrong. It's really affected my confidence and self-esteem; even today I'm doing professional work that I shouldn't be taking home because I have to get it perfect, I have to not mess up. I have to show that I can do something right, in the only way I know how. It's pants. The stately Homes thread has really helped me to realise though that it's not my fault, it's her. I recommend it.

hesterton Sun 26-Jul-15 18:58:42

I don't feel unliked but I do have a sense that I baffle her as I'm not what she would have liked. Also, she adores both my brothers and generally prefers boys, looking up to males. But she's nice to me and kind, and appreciates me so I am ok wih that. Sorry your parents are more overtly unkind. I don't think it's something that can be changed and it's important you don't feel a lower sense of self worth because of it. Easier said than done.

YeOldeTrout Sun 26-Jul-15 19:04:15

sort of, yeah.

brokenhearted55a Sun 26-Jul-15 19:05:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Firsttimer7259 Sun 26-Jul-15 19:05:33

Yes, it does bad things to you. Check out stately homes thread - some of the books on there helped me a lot.
Having my own child also opened my eyes. You just don't dislike your children unless there's something wrong with you. My father's a narcissist my mother was an enabler (she died some time ago now). Only recently I'm getting past the hurt and damage my parents caused by their emotional neglect and I see my dad and I feel pity for a man who is unable to love. It's not you its them. But it causes damage and behaviour patterns you may want to address

brokenhearted55a Sun 26-Jul-15 19:12:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Sun 26-Jul-15 19:24:08

Mine has never forgiven me for the breakdown she had after I was born. To be fair she did suffer the most horrific abuse as a child (the true cause of her many breakdowns) but I seem to carry the can for her childhood.

brokenhearted55a Sun 26-Jul-15 19:29:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

swisstruffles Sun 26-Jul-15 19:31:40

Mine don't fit narcissistic criteria.

They do in their own way love me, but they don't like me and made it clear from a young age they didn't enjoy me.

Firsttimer7259 Sun 26-Jul-15 19:50:59

Swiss - I think it's very hard not to get that joyful recognition.of who you <are> as a child. For me it meant feeling like I had to achieve, had to accomplish things to be worthy of acceptance and love. It makes me anxious even now and hyper critical of myself overly competitive etc.
When I look at my dd I feel such a love inside for her being, it still makes me tearful and angry to know my parents didn't feel like that about me.

BisleyBoy Sun 26-Jul-15 19:52:35

My step-father sexually abused me which, through therapy, I've come to believe that she knew about. Instead of protecting me from it, she was insanely jealous and she treated me like the other woman, whereas he got away Scott free. She criticised my appearance and as I got older and people would say I was attractive then she would begin her hate campaign of me.

BisleyBoy Sun 26-Jul-15 19:53:37

By she I mean my mother obviously.

swisstruffles Sun 26-Jul-15 19:54:41

My mother definitely wanted a pretty daughter and was vocal in her disappointment that she didn't get one.

Cloggal Sun 26-Jul-15 19:58:02

Like HP, my husband's mother doesn't like him (and his father is too weak/enabling to do anything other than accede to this).

It's destroying, and well meaning relatives have told him 'we are sure they love you' (we are NC). When they're told 'maybe they do, but they've spent the last ten years telling me they hate me and wish I would die' it changes things somewhat. FWIW I think they tell everyone else how heartbroken they are about our lack of contact, but all advances made to us are about them 'I want to be uour mother again', 'I want to be in your life'. Never 'we love you and miss you', never that.

Cloggal Sun 26-Jul-15 19:58:27

X post Swiss. I'm sorry. That's awful.

Dismalfuckers Sun 26-Jul-15 19:59:29

Yes. And it's become even clearer as my mum died two months ago and my dad has made it pretty clear.

And I'm really not that bad hmm

fishybits Sun 26-Jul-15 20:20:50

My mother isn't too keen on me. Apparently I became "difficult" aged 2 when my brother was born and just got worse and worse till she could throw me out at 16. hmm

I can't be arsed with the whys of it all. Life is too short.

My DM is however very fond of my DD which I think has genuinely surprised her.

Am very sorry at some of your stories though sad

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now