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Boyfriend won't stop using his cell phone at dinner

(25 Posts)
MaKo2015 Sun 26-Jul-15 15:04:29

A very common issue in modern relationships I guess...

My boyfriend has a better relationship with his phone than with me. Every time we are at dinner there is silence, he doesn't even look at me or speak to me. Once dinner is served, 100 % of his attention go to his phone, and when he is not stuffing his mouth with food he uses both hands to text or play a game.

In the meantime I sit there watching him bored and wondering if he notices how sad this situation is. If I tell him something he won't listen and then asks me to repeat it because he didn't pay attention.

We have been in a relationship for 3 years and I have raised this many times. We have had massive arguments about things like this, and every time he gets angry with me and says something like: "What do you want, have a conversation with our mouths full?" When I ask him not to bring his phone to the table he gets irritated straight away and I can forget about having a peaceful evening.

I have made it clear that it is more about spending time together, considering that having a meal is something that rarely happens because of different work schedules.

Oh, and he does the same thing at restaurants, although not as often as at home.

Any advice on how to make him stop ignoring my wish to have dinner with him like two civilized, grown-up people? Somebody must be in the same situation, I don't believe it's just me!

jelliebelly Sun 26-Jul-15 15:07:52

He is behaving like a teenager - what else does he ignore your feelings about.? It is ignorant to use your phone at the dinner table - frankly I simply wouldn't put up with it. Tell him the phone goes or you do!

LazyLouLou Sun 26-Jul-15 15:11:44

I am not sure I could put up with that. Bearing in mind I am 'an older personage' I would probably have to tell him to chose between me and the phone... and he had better choose the phone as I would be shoving him through a door, out of my life as I said it.

He shouldn't need telling. He is being a selfish pillock!

TheStoic Sun 26-Jul-15 15:12:13

He's clearly a dickhead addicted.

I'm not sure how to change another adult's behaviour if they don't want to change it themselves.

Sorry I have no advice. I'm afraid you either have to put up with it, or make it a deal breaker. I would find it unacceptable too.

Do you live together? If not, stop having dinner with him.

gymboywalton Sun 26-Jul-15 15:13:00

i would sack him! it's rude and disrespectful and i would think that i deserved more and better

TroubleinDaFamily Sun 26-Jul-15 15:13:15

What LLL said, what does this man child actually add to your life. ??

avocadotoast Sun 26-Jul-15 15:13:26

I don't know what to suggest, I'm afraid. DH and I are both quite bad for being glued to our phones but we do have a rule that they don't come to the table. If we're out we only use them to show the other something (for example).

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Sun 26-Jul-15 15:16:30

I would make it perfectly clear that if he does it again I would be taking myself home! Good Lord, how rudeshock

tumbletumble Sun 26-Jul-15 15:17:31

This would drive me mad. I'm far more glued to my phone than DH is, but I always put it down when we're eating.

Who does the cooking? Would it work if you refused to cook for him unless he promises not to look at his phone during the meal?

springydaffs Sun 26-Jul-15 15:17:51

Who cooks?

Joysmum Sun 26-Jul-15 15:19:10

We can get carried away on our phones too.

However if somebody speaks the phone is put down and we talk I also won't have it at the table.

We are as bad as each other but recognize it can get in the way and wouldn't get irritated by the other realizing and suggesting we reign it back to prevent it negatively impacting on our connection.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 26-Jul-15 15:19:11

Simple. Stop having meals with him and if he notices and asks why not tell him straight.

Or purchase one of those blocker-thingys so he gets no signal.

Alternatively, find someone decent who does value the time he spends with you.

pocketsaviour Sun 26-Jul-15 15:19:21

Is he glued to his phone at other times, or is it just at dinner?

We have had massive arguments about things like this

What other things make you argue?

TwoTwentyGowerRoad Sun 26-Jul-15 15:23:15

No way would sit in a restaurant with someone on their phone. It would go in the water glass.

MaKo2015 Sun 26-Jul-15 15:41:34

That's what I thought. Maybe I'm being a bit too good with him. To answer your questions: We live together and my current financial situation would not allow me to move out anytime soon (if I were to want it). I don't consider splitting up because he is usually very sweet and caring.

I'm doing 100 % of the cooking and 80 % of all other chores. He doesn't even know how to boil water.

He uses his phone also in bed but puts it away when I come in. And 100 % of the time when we commute together (train). But on the table is where it bothers me most.

KatieKatie1980 Sun 26-Jul-15 15:43:18

Mine did/does that. Drives me insane.

I walk off if he does it now. We went to a café a few weeks ago to have breakfast. The kids were with us, we sit down and phone comes out immediately whilst I'm left speaking to the kids.

I moved table smile He looked puzzled and asked what was wrong so I said I didn't realise we were boring him. Every time it happens now I leave the room or move table. He is getting the message.

I find it really rude, no tech at the damn table!

TroubleinDaFamily Sun 26-Jul-15 15:46:35

What LLL said, what does this man child actually add to your life. ??

The answer would appear to be not a lot.

You are being treated like the hired help. angry

MaKo2015 Sun 26-Jul-15 15:51:32

Wow KatieKatie1980 I'm not sure if I would have the courage to move tables but it's efficient for sure. I think if I did this he would get really angry.

TroubleinDaFamily Sun 26-Jul-15 15:54:19

He sounds like a right charmer, see my other post. ^^

avocadotoast Sun 26-Jul-15 15:55:12

He doesn't even know how to boil water.

Seriously?! Does he not know how to use a kettle?

LazyLouLou Sun 26-Jul-15 16:00:29

The courage? Seriously MaKo, what stops you?

Stop and think... you dare not take a stand about his rude behaviour because he would get really angry... what does that suggest to you?

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Sun 26-Jul-15 16:09:18

He's so rude. I'd make a deal that if he wants you to cook he'd have to not use his phone at the table. If he's not prepared to do that then he can cook his own food. Arse!

Olddear Sun 26-Jul-15 16:46:59

next time he brought his phone out at the table I'd text 'you're dumped' and leave......

stevienickstophat Sun 26-Jul-15 16:54:12

I had this on an early date.

He never did it again.

wink

Ava7Susan Mon 14-Aug-17 01:08:37

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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