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DP gone out with the kids, I'm packing his stuff while he's gone - help me keep it together

(54 Posts)
BlueBananas Sun 26-Jul-15 13:02:10

He doesn't know I'm doing this, there will be a lot of shouting when he gets back, but I just really really can't do this anymore

I have tried I really have, but he hasn't and doesn't think he needs to, so what choice do I have?

We have 2 DC and I'm pregnant, I can't stop crying ATM and I'm going to need some serious hand holding, I don't want to tell anyone in RL because I am so embarrassed that this is happening yet again!

CalleighDoodle Sun 26-Jul-15 13:04:47

Oh lively stay strong

CalleighDoodle Sun 26-Jul-15 13:05:01

lovely sorry!!

cozietoesie Sun 26-Jul-15 13:05:02

What exactly has been happening?

category1 Sun 26-Jul-15 13:07:57

My best advice is to talk to a friend and get them round to help you. I understand the reluctance, truly - but it was only really telling other people that made it real and made me follow through. Otherwise he would just talk me round or I'd end up in inertia about it all again until it didn't seem so bad.

mamawitch Sun 26-Jul-15 13:08:33

Hope your ok! I presume by you saying about it happening again that you have tried to keep this relationship going and it keeps going wrong. I know how you feel I am the same. I think if this is truly what you want you need to tell your family as you need the support. Some relationships don't just end there is a long drawn out process of trying and failing but eventually we all reach a point of no return. This might just be the end for you, you should explain this to your support network and ask them to help you see why it hasn't worked when you feel weak. I hope you don't have too much drama to deal with.

LittleChinaPig Sun 26-Jul-15 13:11:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyoneForTennis Sun 26-Jul-15 13:11:40

If this is totally out of the blue for him will he react violently? Are you all going to be safe?

can you just throw him out? Is it your house?

Hugs. Is there anyone you can call to come help you?

What's happened to make you pack up his stuff? Where do you expect him to go?

NerrSnerr Sun 26-Jul-15 13:14:09

It he's going to react badly is there someone wh can look after the children so they don't have to witness it?

FujimotosElixir Sun 26-Jul-15 13:15:29

What's been happening? Stay strong x

BlueBananas Sun 26-Jul-15 13:18:38

Thanks all
Yes the house is mine
I don't think he will react violently, or if he does he will punch walls and doors not me, I don't think we'll be in danger
I hope he does just leave though, I didn't really think about what I'll do if he refuses

Why am I throwing him out? God where to start?!
He does nothing, and I mean nothing around the house, and shouts and strips around if I ask him to
He's not really involved in family life, it feels very much 'us' (me and DC) and him
He spends much of life sat in a seperate room to is watching ridiculous videos on his phone, ignoring us all including the kids...unless they're being naughty of course then he loves to shout at them
The shouting, swearing, just massive over reactions to everything, everything is the end of the world and he really goes on and on it's frigging exhausting!
We don't talk, we have zero sex life, the kids have given up on him. I just see no point to his presence anymore - just makes more housework for me

...but it still feels shit sad

throwingpebbles Sun 26-Jul-15 13:21:03

Ummm I think it would be best to make sure the children don't witness this. Could a friend or family member help them? And get someone to come and be with you too?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sun 26-Jul-15 13:24:47

You need to tell someone in rl especially if he is liable to react aggressively. What is your plan B if he point blank refuses to leave?

FujimotosElixir Sun 26-Jul-15 13:24:49

Ummm I see this not ending well I second pp not in front of the kids

NerrSnerr Sun 26-Jul-15 13:25:35

If there's a chance he'll punch walls and doors then I think you need to do it away from the children.

ClashCityRocker Sun 26-Jul-15 13:28:13

Agree with PPs - this could be very traumatic for your children - maybe best getting them out of the way until he's gone.

Snowfire Sun 26-Jul-15 13:31:59

Definitely ask someone over to be with you, deep breaths and remember you're doing what's right for you and your dc.

BlueBananas Sun 26-Jul-15 13:32:52

Ok maybe I'll do it tomorrow, while he's at work and the kids are sleeping at my mums tomorrow night so they will be out when he gets in
He's not a complete psycho just in case you're all judging, he just shouts a lot, thinks if he's the loudest then he wins
He hasn't actually punched a wall in years, not at all in this house so must be 3 years - but he has done it before so just thought I'd add it as a possibility

Muddlewitch Sun 26-Jul-15 13:34:21

When is he due back op? How is the packing going?

Is there somewhere obvious he can go, family or whatever rather than you telling him then, even if he agrees, having to wait to sort out arrangements?

I agree with pp that sometimes endings are not quick, sometimes it is a very slow process of trying and giving up again over and over but everyone's tether has an end. It sounds like this might be happening to you.

Do you think he has any inkling?

LittleChinaPig Sun 26-Jul-15 13:38:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleChinaPig Sun 26-Jul-15 13:39:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlueBananas Sun 26-Jul-15 13:40:33

He would go to his Mums, there's room and he's been there when he's stayed away for a night, so no arrangements needed really

We argued last night and we've argued again this morning, in which he kept telling me to kick him out if he was so useless, I don't think he for one second really thinks I would though

I just don't know what to do anymore, I've asked nicely, I've nagged, I've cried, I've begged, I've bribed, I've shouted, I've sulked - I just don't know how to get him to change? I have to give up at some point don't i? And I'm just so exhausted by it all I can barely look at him

I just so don't want to be single and pregnant again
And worrying that my hormones are making it worse but by the time I realise it'll be too late

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 26-Jul-15 13:41:54

Have you had the "this isn't working for me" chat?

Packing someone's bags and expecting them just to sling their hook is a bit hopeful. Will he have anywhere to go at such short notice?

IhateMagic Sun 26-Jul-15 13:42:22

can you leave a note, giving him one hour to vacate, drive kids out for cake and then if he's not gone call police?

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