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(9 Posts)
Blueribbon32 Sun 26-Jul-15 12:43:00

My dh I feel is passive aggressive he gives me the cold shoulder be's huffy, says he's fine when he's clearly not, silent treatment , I can't stand this so push for an answer as to what's wrong. Then he blows up gets angry as all I do is nag apparently I'm looking for an augment but all I'm trying to do is get some answers! this could be about anythin its just the way Our arguments go, it ends up going to far when I'm blaming him for pretending he's fine when he's acting like hes not and he's blaming me for going on at him nagging, is this my fault should I let him be when he acts like this? I feel like when he does this he's just sweeping things under the carpet.

Griphook Sun 26-Jul-15 13:14:17

No I don't rhink it's your fault, but o think you need to try another tac, leave him to it, let him sulk and just get on with your day.

I think he wants you to ask him so he can stonewall you then shouty you when you keep asking

wallaby73 Sun 26-Jul-15 13:57:39

I agree; don't pander to his behaviour, ignore ignore......remove yourself, why should you chase for an answer / explanation? He sounds manipulative

InTheBox Sun 26-Jul-15 14:13:19

Detach, detach, detach. This has all the hallmarks of emotional abuse: stonewalling, gas lighting, withholding affection.
How long has this been going on for?

Joysmum Sun 26-Jul-15 14:27:20

I'd rather have a bit of mental space to think things through as often I need to consider how to articulate my feelings.

DH knows full well that it's not to punish or make him feel bad, just that my brain needs to catch up with my emotions sometimes and it's more productive to allow that process.

If I'm not given the courtesy of being allowed to have my space to do this and my DH continually pushed me before I was able to articulate my feelings then we'd argue about that too. My need for space to think things through is just as important and his to talk it through. We do both, I get a bit of time to allow my brain to catch up and then will talk it through after that.

Please appreciate that not everybody is able to immediately express themselves. Plenty of people will see needing quiet time as abussive or manipulative and you'll get a lot of responses saying so. You need to work out for yourself if this is the case in your relationship, or simply just a case of him needing to cope in his own way even if this isn't how you'd do it.

mrspepperpotty Sun 26-Jul-15 14:34:02

You're not to blame, but it sounds like you have very different styles of communication. DH and I went on a marriage course a few years ago which really improved our communication.

Singleandproud Sun 26-Jul-15 14:37:29

I also like time to think things through so will be quiet or even go for a run if I can... Thinking might last half hour - couple of hours I wouldn't do it for several days though. It's not always about the other person, and I would probably be a bit snappish too if pushed for answers before I'm ready, whether this is related to being introverted I don't know.

However does he only react like this with you or to everyone?

Blueribbon32 Mon 27-Jul-15 00:40:38

Thanks for ur replies your are right we do have totally different communication skills I do need to try and give him his space it's just hard when I want to talk it through, I'm not saying this happens all the time just during arguments and wouldn't last for days it's just hard to deal with when its happening it makes me feel like he doesn't care when he shuts down, its frustrating! I wouldn't say he only acts like this with me but he doesn't argue much with ppl, Dokt get me wrong we don't agrue all the time just when we'd this happens just wish we where on the same page with communication

Bogeyface Mon 27-Jul-15 01:34:03

"Are you ok?"

"I'm FINE"

"Oh ok" and then go on acting as if he is genuinely fine. One of two things will happen, either he will realise that he isnt getting the reaction he wanted and stop being an ass, or he will realise that he isnt getting the reaction he wanted and will be an even bigger ass. If its the former then keep ignoring his strops and he will stop doing it. If its the latter then dump him.

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