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DP driven off with nothing - worried about him

(53 Posts)
dontknowwhereheis Sun 26-Jul-15 12:02:17

NC, sorry.

DP has a bit of a problem with his behaviour when drunk, (generally being an arse) but he accepted this and he stopped getting so drunk and has been fine for months.

Then yesterday he got very drunk and did some very silly things (not violence), but we ended up thrown out of pub, he stomped home, went to sleep. He was saying he's no good for me and that he'll leave this morning, go and stay with his parents, even though he loves me to bits, and being very down and depressed but angry, if you see what I mean. Not angry with me, angry with himself.

He just woke up, put his shoes on, didn't say a word to me and went outside, I assumed for a cigarette. He was ages so I went out to see and

He's gone! Car's gone. He's taken nothing - not his phone, not his tablet, not his phone, nothing, just keys, car and his wallet.

I'm worried sick. I can't contact him. I don't know if he's just gone for a drive to think about things, or buggered off and left me (but why take nothing), or gone to kill himself or something (imagination running wild here).

What do I do? I know police won't be interested as missing person after 15 minutes. Should I leave it an hour (driving time to get there) and ring his parents or ring them now? They are retired and I don't want to worry them if he's just gone for a drive. Should I text all his friends using his phone? (I don't know them all that well, don't have their numbers directly). Not sure which ones to contact, only really know a few of them and there's loads of numbers in there. I'm worried about causing him trouble contacting random contacts that turn out to be from work or something. I could pick out the few I know.

I'm scared he's doing something silly (although he hasn't threatened to). I'm upset he's worried me like this. Is it just a big gesture and I should wait for him to come back? But in the past he was very down and depressed at times, worryingly so, he hates himself and thinks he's worthless when he's like it. Last night he kept saying how useless his is and I'd be better off without him.

What the hell do I do?

dontknowwhereheis Sun 26-Jul-15 12:03:40

Sorry, the double not even his phone was meant to be not even a coat. And it's raining here. But he's in the car.

Does leaving all his stuff mean his coming back or does it mean he's killing himself???!!"

SkatesMcgee Sun 26-Jul-15 12:05:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dansak Sun 26-Jul-15 12:08:52

I think he will have just gone to think somewhere, try not to stress. I think he will come home within a couple of hours, if not then perhaps call his parents then, don't do anything just yet.

dontknowwhereheis Sun 26-Jul-15 12:09:00

oh shit, I didn't think about that. Fuck. I know but I can't bring myself to get him in trouble. I don't know. I'll have to think about that for 5 minutes.

SkatesMcgee Sun 26-Jul-15 12:12:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fooshufflewickbannanapants Sun 26-Jul-15 12:12:20

Better in trouble than killing someone

dontknowwhereheis Sun 26-Jul-15 13:04:21

OK, I called 101 and they have taken all his details and the car details and given me a ref number and if he doesn't arrive at parents in next hour or so they'll do further enquiries. I did tell them I wasn't sure he should be driving this morning as drunk last night. They got me to ring his parents while I was on phone to them, parents not seen him but he wouldn't have got there yet anyway.

Also rang his best mate who hasn't seen him but will keep an eye out.

Neither best mate nor his parents seemed very surprised. In fact his Mum straightaway said 'has he been drinking again' soon as I asked if he was there as he'd gone off this morning, and said he does this sometimes. and she's going to kill him when he gets there.

He's had a history with me of problem behaviour with drinking that I thought he'd put a stop to as been fine, but he hasn't done this (to me) before. We've been together 2.5 years. Sounds like he's done it other times though. :-(

I'm worried sick, upset and getting cross all at the same time.

dontknowwhereheis Sun 26-Jul-15 13:05:38

I called his regular pub as well and he isn't in there.

cozietoesie Sun 26-Jul-15 13:10:09

Whenever I worked in pubs, we had a standing 'thing' that we would never acknowledge a patron was present if phoned. Them saying that means nothing.

Griphook Sun 26-Jul-15 13:10:45

Depending on what he did in the pub, but I wonder if he's trying to deflect his behaviour from last night by making you worry and then be so pleased he's safe that he's home.

BitOutOfPractice Sun 26-Jul-15 13:20:04

God what a worry. And an unnecessary drama. Hope he's ok

dontknowwhereheis Sun 26-Jul-15 13:20:18

Griphook possibly, but he isn't usually a game player.

cozie oh, well that's great.

dontknowwhereheis Sun 26-Jul-15 13:21:56

Bit Thank you. No-one else on here or in RL seems all that worried about him! He's upset and gone off with nothing so I'm worried sick.

dontknowwhereheis Sun 26-Jul-15 13:27:15

It would normally take just over an hour to his parents but Operation Stack is between us so god knows how long today.

cozietoesie Sun 26-Jul-15 13:35:17

You're sounding as if it's all your fault and not his. Do you always pick up all of his pieces?

dontknowwhereheis Sun 26-Jul-15 14:00:39

Police have just called with the news that he's just hit one of their cameras locally, which gave me a heart attack but turned out to mean that the camera had picked up his number plate and they were alerted. Bloody hell, I wish they'd put it a different way!

So fingers crossed he's on his way home.

cozietoesie Sun 26-Jul-15 14:04:28

They'll lkely pick him up now - either on the road or when he arrives back. (It might be the best thing for him.) I'm glad he didn't actually hit one of their cameras - or anything/anybody else. That use of language isn't good in the circumstances.

Shakey1500 Sun 26-Jul-15 14:06:13

Hope all is well

dontknowwhereheis Sun 26-Jul-15 14:06:27

cozie no, I don't think it's my fault and there aren't usually any pieces to pick up. He's been an irritating/twatty drunk in the past and I just disengage from it, and he was on his final warning from me about it being a dealbreaker, but he's not done anything like this before.

I'm worried about him right now and just want to know he's safe. What happens next between us, I'll think about after that.

cozietoesie Sun 26-Jul-15 14:08:47

Hope he gets back to you OK then. Best of luck.

dontknowwhereheis Sun 26-Jul-15 14:09:18

Part of me hopes they do pick him up. It might wake him up to the reality of his problem.

Notasinglefuckwasgiven Sun 26-Jul-15 14:16:39

If he's over the limit it will be wake up time. Court appearance. You did the right thing OP. He could well end up turning his life around. Even if he isn't over the limit, the shock of seeing police come for him when he COULD have been may be enough of a shock.

dontknowwhereheis Sun 26-Jul-15 14:28:59

oh god if he gets a ban he'll lose his job as its in the middle of nowhere and he has to drive to get there. He's got a clean license at the moment, oh shit.

I love him and he's brilliant 99% of the time but I won't deal with his 1% drunk shit for the rest of my life, and he knows that. I think he's a binge alcoholic. He doesn't.

Not home yet and he should be if he were coming straight here from where the camera is. I have to let the police know.

dontknowwhereheis Sun 26-Jul-15 14:36:32

There's a pub down that way we go to and I just called them and they said no as well, even though they know me and I said I know it's the done thing to say no but I really need to know if he's been in today.

So I hope that means he hasn't gone out drinking again this morning. WTF is he?

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