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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Being single when everyone has a significant other... feeling alone.

13 replies

whattodo102 · 26/07/2015 10:50

Hi Mumsnetters.

I'm feeling a bit low today and could do with a kick up the backside/some kind words...

Last weekend was my 30th Birthday and every since then I've been feeling more and more alone. I have had two serious relationships in the past (lived with one of them), and I am relatively confident, happy with my job, good family etc.

However, I have started to lose hope. All my friends have a significant other, most are married, half have kids. I have another wedding to go to next weekend and I hate to say it, but I am sick of celebrating other people's happiness when I feel this alone. I have been single for 10 months...perhaps that isnt so long, I don't know.

I have started online dating as of 6 months ago, and met a few people, one of which I do like but I know there's no spark for the long haul. I just want to meet my husband and now I am 30 I am starting to wonder if that will ever happen for me. Most of my friends were married by age 26...

Also, I do have hobbies, go for drinks with people after work, I'm chatty and I'm proactive with online dating... I don't know what else I can do.

OP posts:

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Dilema76 · 26/07/2015 10:54

Be patient? You will now be bombarded with tales of how people met their "one" in their 30's when they least expected it and the good thing about this is that it is true so there is hope!

Your time will come and 10 months isn't that long really.

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MyRightFoot · 26/07/2015 10:59

its great that you know what you want.put the word out to your married friends to introduce you to eligible guys that they know. go out a lot, not just to bars. take up a sport where theres lots of men, martial arts is good.

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ScrambledEggAndToast · 26/07/2015 14:31

You sound exactly like me OP in the dating stakes, even down to number of long term relationships. The only thing you haven't mentioned is children, I have one child. It is incredibly hard out there and I have only sympathy. Especially when sites like POF and Match seem to be filled with time wasters and people just after sex. Why don't you come over to the dating thread on the relationship board. You can chat to lots of people in the same boat as you

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MadeMan · 26/07/2015 14:41

"I have another wedding to go to next weekend and I hate to say it, but I am sick of celebrating other people's happiness when I feel this alone."

Weddings are crap anyway, with or without a significant other.

One of the best things about having a partner is being able to invent excuses between you both, so you can quickly leave other people's boring events. If you're on your own though, people assume you are there because you have nothing better to do, so if you then leave early you must really hate them or something.

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springydaffs · 26/07/2015 14:49

10 months? Op, that's nothing!

Take the time to get to know yourself and to specifically enjoy your own company. I know what I'm talking about here btw. Hanging around waiting for a man is wasting your life - it's so precious! Every day is precious!

That said, I do know what you mean about the longing and the disappointment. Time to make some new friends! Why on earth would you want to hang out with couples? Just make you feel shit. Find some single friends and have a blast.

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DrSethHazlittMD · 26/07/2015 14:52

Without sounding harsh, OP, 10 months' single but having some dates is really nothing to complain about. I've 41, been 5 years single, no dates in 4 years. A friend is now 38 and been single eight years. Come back and moan when you've been in either of our shoes.

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Goodbetterbest · 26/07/2015 14:56

OP is obviously feeling it - turning 30 may be significant, so telling her it's nothing isn't going to make her feel any better is it?

I do agree with the poster who says use the time to get to know yourself, explore what you want and where you want your life to go. Chances are this will bring new experiences (and people) to you.

Being single can be great. And as for 'everyone' else being in a couple, I bet a few if those are miserable!

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lovethisheat · 26/07/2015 15:04

Sending big hugs…. but would like to say, fwiw, that I married at 24, and am now divorced. I am envious of friends who met their partners when in their 30s and were slightly more mature than I was.

When I've not felt comfortable going alone to events recently, I have made an excuse to not go. Don't put yourself in an uncomfortable position. Perhaps decline an invitation but offer an evening to take your friend out for a dinner celebration instead or something like that.

See this time as a positive time. IMO you will have a lot more life experience, and more to offer in a lasting relationship than a 20 something. I think that's great for you and for a future relationship x

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Wrapdress · 26/07/2015 17:20

30 can be a hard birthday, no question about. Just keep creating an interesting life that makes you happy living. Skip the wedding if you don't want to go. Sometimes it's a chance to meet someone, but then mostly it seems everyone brings a date. I stopped going to weddings in my late 20s when too many of the marriages were over before the 1st anniversary. Clearly that was more about the wedding and not about being married. it was all so silly and pretend. It made me less envious generally.

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Ivyniris · 26/07/2015 17:21

All the people who get married in their early twenties end up getting divorced in their 30s so chill out and stop worrying!

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hollieberrie · 26/07/2015 20:19

Hi OP. Sending you a big UnMumsnetty hug

I totally get it. I'm 36 and my long term relationship ended out the blue a year ago. I've just about recovered enough to start thinking about dating again and will try to be brave and sign up for OLD this summer. I'm going to join the dating thread too and see how people are getting on over there and hopefully pick up some tips!

I'm lucky in that i do have 2 single friends, but i dont have any family really so feel very alone in that sense. I understand about feeling alone, it is hard.

I'd like to make some new friends too but not sure how? Martial arts is a good suggestion from a PP and i was also thinking about Meetup groups. I do yoga and volunteering and have met some lovely people but no-one my age really to socialise with.

Good luck and hang in there. We will be ok! x

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Allofaflumble · 26/07/2015 20:56

When I plucked up the courage to end a relationship a couple if years ago, I thought at least a couple of my relatives were single too.

Within weeks they had both met really great partners they are still with.

I can't be arsed to do online dating and don't really socialise so can't see me meeting anyone.

However OP at 30 I do think you have plenty of time on your side, so try not to get too worried.

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whattodo102 · 27/07/2015 17:55

Thank you for your replies :) :)

I thnk i've started feeling this way with the birthday and now a lot of summer weddings to face...i feel quite behind, having not even met the right one yet, let alone lived together etc.

i know that at least one friend has got married and focused ALOT on the wedding, so much so that i always felt unsure if he was actually right for her or she has got caught up in it all. i dont even want a big wedding, i just want to find the right one... one day!!!