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Why do single woman persue married men

(90 Posts)
alexsp234 Sun 26-Jul-15 05:52:32

I'm just hoping to get some understanding on this. One of my closest friends is a married man. He's been married for all the time i've known him, I've been single for a lot of that time. Much as I think he's great. he's obviously completely off limits to me as a potential boyfriend.

But recently I've seen 2 single women, both a good decade younger than him, flirt and make it clear that they would be open to a relationship, or in one case 'a bit of fun'. Friday night I was out with this friend and others, but without his wife, and I watched a single woman fairly new to our social group subtly manouvre him away from the rest of us and then engage in what I would consider a highly personal conversation about the state of his marriage.

Why would a woman deliberately chase a married bloke?

KoalaDownUnder Sun 26-Jul-15 05:57:17

Because they're lonely and they fancy him and they've got no moral qualms?

I'm single and wouldn't touch a married man with a barge-pole. But it's not exactly rocket science why some women do.

BettyVonBooperson Sun 26-Jul-15 05:58:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scarydinosaurs Sun 26-Jul-15 06:09:50

My ex friend earned the ex prefix after telling me she wanted a married man to leave his wife for her as this would prove his love. Not a specific man- any married man.

Fucked up values.

StrawberryMojito Sun 26-Jul-15 06:20:39

I had a friend who viewed it just as scary dinosaurs said above. She didn't realise it herself at first but did admit that she eventually wanted to win the competition and be chosen. She slept with friends boyfriends in her teenage years and had affairs with at least 3 men married or in relationships as an adult. I don't see much of her now but I think she eventually realised how toxic this behaviour was and is in a normal relationship now.

Sighing Sun 26-Jul-15 06:47:17

When I got engaged I ditched 2 of my male friends who suddenly had to offer me x/y and z. It's not just women. I guess these are the same 40-50% of the population who cheat when married.

Bostin Sun 26-Jul-15 06:54:05

When I was young and single in my first office job I was very surprised that 2 of the supposedly decent family men made it clear they were interested in taking things further. Some people are just selfish.

cloudsandrain Sun 26-Jul-15 07:07:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alexsp234 Sun 26-Jul-15 07:17:44

clouds, i'm not interested in the why married men persue women. I'm sure there are loads of threads on MN with examples of this. My married friend is not actively going after these women, and as far as I'm aware has brushed off their advances.

I'm curious about why a woman would think it ok to chase a married man because this is so far outside my own 'values' that i just don't get it.

chickenfuckingpox Sun 26-Jul-15 07:21:17

its no strings no attachment you dont have to keep them

apparently its a bit like cuddling someone else's baby you can have all the baby cuddles you like when they scream or shit there pants its back to mommy

Salene Sun 26-Jul-15 07:30:21

Because they have no self respect or morals and are basically just slags wanting a shag.

tumbletumble Sun 26-Jul-15 07:32:49

Maybe something to do with pursuing the unattainable? So if the man rejects you, you can say it's because he's a decent man who loves his wife, whereas if a single man rejects you, you have to face the fact that he just doesn't like you.

DisillusionedGoat Sun 26-Jul-15 07:35:33

Low self esteem. Believing that you're only good enough to be a bit on the side. That all the good men are married.Not being able to have a "normal" relationship confused

Iamatotalandutteridiot Sun 26-Jul-15 07:35:36

There are two scenarios...

1. The man is not interested because he is married... I guess it then becomes a challenge.
2. The man is interested / does the chasing... The younger woman looks up to this more successful / older man. Perhaps wants the lifestyle he is enjoying.

The two are definitely different tho.

DisillusionedGoat Sun 26-Jul-15 07:37:00

Oh, and for the drama of an elicit relationship...

WorzelsCornyBrows Sun 26-Jul-15 07:42:04

Maybe they're picking up signals from him. If he's having an inappropriate conversation about his marriage it suggests a lack of boundaries on his part as well as theirs.

FolkGirl Sun 26-Jul-15 07:43:00

I have a married friend. Single women proposition him quite often. His wife knows and trusts him.

I think some single women are attracted to his lack of availability and ability to commit to a wife/family. They're the ones who convince themselves he would be perfect for them, if only they could make him fall in live with them...

There are those who assume he'll jump at the chance because they are young, slim and possess the prettiness of youth and his wife no longer fits that. And accept the challenge.

There are thosewomen who aren't in a relationship and don't want one and feel safe that feelings won't develop, or it won't get too serious, because he is already married.

And sometimes the fact he is married is irrelevant and they just fancy him.

Despite clouds position, there are some women who actively pursue married men and not all married men respond.

I don't get it. I wouldn't want a married man to leave his wife family for me. It would be dreadful! The guilt, the lack of trust it would foster, the responsibility to make it work, knowing what others would think and just the downright wrongness of it all.

TheStoic Sun 26-Jul-15 08:00:53

Because the chase is fun and exciting, and they don't expect to actually catch him.

swisscheesetony Sun 26-Jul-15 08:05:01

I've done it in the past - two types (not mutually exclusive!). A married man or the best looking man in the room.

I was so disgusted and revolted with myself - if I could make that man "love" me for a few hours then maybe I wasn't the piece of scum I saw myself as.

There you go, nothing to do with wanting to hurt you - but just trying to drag my self-esteem out of the gutter using sex.

I never wanted them for a boyfriend - just needed to prove that point.

Lovelydiscusfish Sun 26-Jul-15 08:06:57

I've always assumed, like chickenfuckingpox says, that people, male or female, who specifically target married people as a matter of course, do so because they want no strings fun, and feel confident a married person is unlikely to suddenly start wanting commitment from them.

When I got married the first time I remember suddenly getting sexual advances from a colleague I'd worked with for years previously, who'd never shown me the slightest interest. I think this was because, no way would he have wanted me as a girlfriend, but just for sex, why not? I rebuffed him, needless to say!

I'm sure sometimes people just pursue a married person because they are massively attracted to the individual/believe they have fallen in love with them. But that's if it's just a one off, not their general M.O.

cleanmyhouse Sun 26-Jul-15 08:40:55

Slags? Really? Misogyny is so last season.

Micah Sun 26-Jul-15 08:46:28

It's also that a married man is "higher value"... If he's married then someone thinks he's good looking/rich/nice/worth enough to choose over all the other men out there.

Validates their choice. Single man- well obviously nobody else wants them, so why would they?

Lots of reasons.

etKrusTe Sun 26-Jul-15 08:51:16

what a thread title.

You sound a shocker, really. what a thing to say.

I've been single for nearly a decade and never once felt anything but creeped out by married men being too 'friendly'. I pity the married women who are trying to hang on to such prizes. I have a few close friends who are single and have never had any sort of fling with a married men. If you listen to the gossip in my local town it's all married people shagging each other.

etKrusTe Sun 26-Jul-15 08:56:31

swisscheesetony that's a very honest post. You would have been ripped apart on mumsnet for admitting that. Hope your self-esteem is healthier now.

I think a significant number of married men assume that a single woman would be easy to pick up. They haven't a clue. They think a woman needs a man.

NamingRudolph Sun 26-Jul-15 08:58:29

etKrusTe take the chip off your shoulder.

OP asked a valid question, didn't specifically say ALL single woman.

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