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Starting Over

(5 Posts)
princesspink7404 Sat 25-Jul-15 22:37:42

I recently split with XP after 4 years on/off. Before that I had been with XH for over 20 years (we met when we were 16). So I have not had much experience with men or relationships.

I don't mind being on my own but admit it would be nice for companionship at weekends when my DD is with her Dad. I am finding it a bit lonely now as the past few weekends she has been away, I have not had any plans.

I have a very close circle of friends but they are all married with families who they spend time with at weekends because they work in week. I have the odd dinner out occasionally but that is about it. I love my friends but when they tell me I have to put myself out there, I don't think they realise how difficult it is.

I can't just magic a new social life up out of nowhere and I would never dream of inviting myself along anywhere. I have decided to go back to college in September on evening course so that is the first step, I hope in making some new friends.

As for finding love, I know find it when you are not looking but given I don't go out much, I am not sure how a mystery man would find me blush. I have dabbled on the internet dating but it wasn't for me at all. My work colleague even set me up on Tinder for a laugh but that lasted all of 48 hours; I'm no prude but somebody asking me to meet for sex without even waiting for me to upload a profile picture is a bit beyond me! At the same time, not having had experience, I am almost phobic about meeting somebody and having to do the sex thing shock ...I feel all faint just thinking about it!

Was just wondering how those of you similar me managed to get "out there" and how did you do it blush

beaglesaresweet Sun 26-Jul-15 12:14:51

I've heard the promises of a mystery man appearing when you least expect it for years! grin it's all fantasy, OP (with rare exceptions when an electrician turns up for a repair and it's love at first sight for both! hmm)

OD isn't bad on decent sites, OP. It's actually good for those who are a bit shy and don't find it easy to have quick sex, or to find an instant social circle. At least you usually build up some rapport by messaging first, meeting for a coffee., But I know, it takes HUGE amount of patience to go through meh /bad dates with the hope you may like someone. I have never met anyone I really liked on OD, though most were fine to chat to/have coffee with (hardly any weird men). Not that I met hundrends on there - but still a few dozens on and off over few years.
So why not? I really sympathise re socialising - were to magic a social life from, which involves single men (unless you are sporty and can join a cycling club or something - not for me at all).

Mind you, my friend had TWO dates on OD and is with her partner still after 7 yrs! that's a fluke though grin!

I think the short answer is, you have to plough on trying to join things (courses can be good, and probably you can't avoid OD) and hope for something, but it's not easy. I haven't managed to meet anyone single and with any potential for 3 yrs! it's this sort of age when single men aer either married or much older or not interested in relationships. But you can only try and make an effort.

beaglesaresweet Sun 26-Jul-15 12:18:47


beaglesaresweet Sun 26-Jul-15 12:20:45

sorry that should have been 'men are either married' not single men are married duh!

princesspink7404 Sun 26-Jul-15 12:43:09

beaglesaresweet thank you.

I think for time being I will stay away from OLD; it really wasn't a good experience. I was hoping to chat to a few and it started off positive the last time but then men started getting rude because I wasn't responding. I am of the opinion if somebody doesn't appeal to me, best not to reply to give wrong impression. But perhaps I should have said no thanks in a polite way but I would have felt bad doing that!

College is the first step - hopefully I can meet some single women and perhaps that could lead to a social life then that can possibly lead to go out and hopefully meeting someone smile I do have hope, I think blush

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