Advertisement

loader

Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Thinking about ltb

(11 Posts)
Besom Sat 25-Jul-15 20:09:18

17 year relationship, 7 yr old dd. This evening the dog ate some mince he'd left on the table for dinner. He effed and cunted, blamed me because somehow I should have been psychic and been following dog round the house. Then he kicked the dog making him yelp and shake. He now says it was not deliberate, dog was in his way, but it was. All of this in front of dd. Deal breaker. All through the relationship there has been a certain amount of verbal abuse usually where drink was involved. He doesn't drink much any more but now he's mean sober. Nothing physical ever towards me but it's like something annoys him and he just wants to punish everyone else about it and to hang with the consequences. He is self righteously justified. He will apologise tomorrow probably but I just can't be doing with it any more.

christinarossetti Sat 25-Jul-15 20:10:47

What's your plan?

Ending this relationship sounds like a good start - what's your next step?

Besom Sat 25-Jul-15 20:14:20

Solicitor I suppose. I need to speak to friends but I left my mobile at work so will do that next week. I just told him I can't live like with this behaviour and he called me idiotic and a stupid cow who was over reacting! Me overreacting!

Besom Sat 25-Jul-15 20:17:59

We have a nice enough house but not a massive mortgage. We could probably get 2 reasonable flats. I have an ok salary. Thing is all the capital that went into this house is mine but splitting it will mean dd has somewhere ok to go and be with him.

rumred Sat 25-Jul-15 20:19:52

Kicking a dog? Piece of shite. Do you want this as a role model? Who knows about him in real life?

Besom Sat 25-Jul-15 20:31:23

Thing is as well he's a rescue dog who deserves to be treated extra kindly. Not that every dog doesn't but you know what I mean. The thing that worries me is that when he's a bit of an arse with dd - being clear here that he isn't overtly abusive to her so there will be joint access - but at least now I'm here to temper it when he is less than nurturing. How do you resolve that worry? I'm thinking it's more damaging to stay and give her the message that putting up with shot is the thing.

Besom Sat 25-Jul-15 20:33:45

I have one rl friend who knows about it. I do have others I will tell when I have to.

christinarossetti Sat 25-Jul-15 21:39:01

What do yo mean that 'he's a rescue dog?'.

I think you're right that the messages you would give your daughter about her and your own self-worth, as well as what constitutes a loving relationship, would be more damaging than leaving from what you've said.

Besom Sat 25-Jul-15 23:33:22

We got him age three from a rescue charity and he hadn't been treated that great before.

Thank you for kind response.

DragonsCanHop Sat 25-Jul-15 23:37:04

Some one will come along and help with your plan. In the mean time gather paperwork

goddessofsmallthings Sun 26-Jul-15 02:39:29

When he kicked the dog you should have called the police and had him up on a charge of causing an animal to suffer unnecessarily contrary to the Animal Welfare Act 2006.

As it is you could consider reporting him to the rescue centre who may press charges against him, and who may seek to rehome the poor defenceless creature with people who know the importance of being especially caring towards animals who've previously experienced ill treatment from humans.

When/if he apologises, tell him his apology is not accepted and you are no longer prepared to remain in a relationship with a particularly pathetic apology for a man. Also tell him that you want him to leave and find other accomodation, preferably today - don't hesitate to call the police and have him removed if he kicks off.

Are you married to this abusive cretin? If so, source a SHL of the rottweiler persuasion and let him/her give him a taste of his own medicine by kicking him in the wallet where it hurts.

If all of the capital that went into the purchase of the house is yours, seek to obtain a division of any jointly held assets whereby you can buy him out or buy another property and don't give any thought to whether this means he'll have to rent as his problems are his to own and yours to disown.

As for your worry that he will be less than nurturing to your dd when/if she spends time alone with him after you've split, you need to face that fear head on and realise that she will let you know if she's unhappy when she spends time with him at which point you can take steps to ensure that her contact with him is supervised or doesn't extend to overnight stays.

In any event, I suspect your dd is already damaged by the 7 years she's spent under the same roof as her turd of a df and it's incumbent on you to ensure that both she and the poor dog don't spend a day longer than necessary with a temperamental twunt in your home.

If you have a spare bedroom I sincerely hope you moved into it last night, or bunked in with your dd and the dog, and that you won't be sharing a bed with the twunt again.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now