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Have I made the right decision?

(17 Posts)
ThedementedPenguin Sat 25-Jul-15 16:12:09

Sorry if this turns out long but I'm really not sure that I've made the right decision.. Could really do with some help and advice..

Was with my dp 4 years. Have 2dc (3&1) got engaged after 2 years. As far as I was concerned things were great..

Recently however I've been feeling like he wanted to be single, he was being very selfish and just did what he wanted regardless of the kids or I wanted.

We split up in May for a few days. We had people around and he got drunk, we had a huge fight when everyone left and he said some horrible things. I kicked him out and the next day (Sunday) he moved out, we discussed what happened and how
I was feeling and he promised not to do that again, and we would work on us. He moved back in on the Wenesday

So things continue they aren't great. I'm feeling like I got back with him for the wrong reasons but was hoping that things would pick up and my doubts would go.

For my birthday in June we went to Paris, it was a disaster. Really awkward, he just wanted to get drunk and I just wanted to do and see things. I ended up on the Saturday night in my room watching crap TV as he was asleep. I hated it and told everyone when I came back how horrible it was.

To me it proved that things weren't right so again I talk to him and we try to make things better. Which did happen, things improved. We spent more time together, it just felt better to me.

Two weeks ago we have a night out with his family as his sister got engaged. Half way through the night he decided he would rather go to his mates house and left. I told him I'd rather he didn't go and stay with me but I wouldn't stop him (he would have got quite huffy). So he left.
I went home and let my mum go home but then both kids wakes up so I ring him and ask him to come home so he can help if they wake up again.. This was after 2am I could tell on the phone he didn't want to come home but he said he would leave straight away. So I fall asleep and when my dd wakes at half 5 he still isn't home. I see red and ring him. I did go apeshit at him and told him not to bother coming home.

So when kids finally get up before 9, I take them downstairs and notice his car is missing from the drive. I can't get through to him so obviously I'm worried sick.
So contact his parents and they finally find out where he is.
When he comes home I tell him to leave.

I love him so much but I can't be with someone who doesn't consider my feelings, or even acts like he cares. Even knowing this I still can't get the thought out of my head that I've made a mistake.

He won't even talk or discuss things so really it should be clear to me that he doesn't want to be with me but I just can't accept it.

I'm completely heartbroken.

butterflygirl15 Sat 25-Jul-15 16:22:50

I think you will be better off without him. He treats you like dirt. Where is he when he stays out all night I wonder.

ImperialBlether Sat 25-Jul-15 16:25:30

Believe me, you haven't made a mistake. He treats you really badly. Once you've been apart from him for a while you won't be able to believe what you've put up with.

Glittergirl123 Sat 25-Jul-15 16:26:34

I think you've made the right decision! It will be hard and it's normal to have doubts but I'm sure one day you'll look back and be glad you did it! He doesn't treat you or the children well- you've tried to talk to him and give him many chances and he's thrown them away, keep strong x

ThedementedPenguin Sat 25-Jul-15 16:26:42

Butterfly he was just at a mates house..
He might not treat me right but a cheat he is not.

Earlybird Sat 25-Jul-15 16:27:51

He is not loving or caring at all, based on what you've posted, but is incredibly disrespectful, inconsiderate, selfish, etc. and is making it very clear that he is going to do exactly what he wants - regardless of you and the dc.

You've made the right decision, imo. And of course you're going to feel upset about it. Being treated badly by someone who is supposed to be your partner/lover/best friend is horrible. You must be assertive and stand up for yourself. Don't allow things to continue. And don't keep trying to 'fix' things - he is making it clear that his efforts in that direction are minimal.

ThedementedPenguin Sat 25-Jul-15 16:29:51

The one thing that kills me the most is the stuff I wanted/needed him to do, he acted like i was asking for the world but since we've split its no problem to him..

He had his own business but it made zero cash and wasn't worth the hassle.. I just wanted him to get a job but he refused, he closed his business the day after we broke up and has had a job since Monday..

I wanted him to spend more time alone with kids but he complained but now he has them on a Monday evening, other evening in the week and alternate Fri/Sat nights..

I just can't understand why it was a huge deal when we were together but now it's no problem at all.

butterflygirl15 Sat 25-Jul-15 16:30:11

so he doesn't cheat so that makes it ok for you to put up with the rest of his shite? He doesn't even sound like he likes you, let alone shows any respect, kindness, partnership.

pocketsaviour Sat 25-Jul-15 16:31:47

So when kids finally get up before 9, I take them downstairs and notice his car is missing from the drive. I can't get through to him so obviously I'm worried sick.

I'm not sure I quite understand this - are you saying his car was at home before? So he came and got his car and then went back out? Had he been drinking?

ThedementedPenguin Sat 25-Jul-15 16:33:00

Butterfly talk about kicking a girl when she's down..

I've already said we've broken up and I don't want that kind of relationship which is why I ended it. but I'm home alone and it's really flipping hard.

ThedementedPenguin Sat 25-Jul-15 16:35:17

Pocket yes. We walked to the bar so both cars where at home. He collected it sometime between 5.30am and 9am. He was drunk..

It's not the first time he's done it and I'm sure it won't be his last. I've already read him the riot act about that but there's nothing else I can say.

butterflygirl15 Sat 25-Jul-15 16:38:45

I'm not kicking anyone when they are down. Why do you think his awful treatment is all you deserve?

Earlybird Sat 25-Jul-15 16:42:40

You say: " I just can't understand why it was a huge deal when we were together but now it's no problem at all. "

He can do all this stuff now because he wants to (and has to). May be harsh to say, but it is clear he didn't want to / have to when he was with you.

He is showing you very clearly that he does not want to be in the relationship any longer. Accept it and move on. Easier said than done, I know.

ThedementedPenguin Sat 25-Jul-15 16:56:51

Earlybird I worked that out too.. Sucks or what?

I honestly don't want to be with him, I don't want to be with someone who treats me like crap and like my thoughts and feelings don't matter. It just really bloody hurts.

I just want to get past this stage, and of course when I'm alone I have more time to go through the what ifs.

ThedementedPenguin Sat 25-Jul-15 16:58:14

Which is why I posted this as I need to read that I've not made the wrong decision..

It helps reading these. As much as it sucks I will get past this.

Dilema76 Sat 25-Jul-15 17:45:14

Penguin, it hurts because when you decided to have children with this man child, you thought it would be a lifelong commitment. I think women in General can love too much and are blinded to someone's faults.

You do deserve to be treated better than this and you have made the right decision. He sounds very immature and to be frank, not really ready for fatherhood.

It will hurt for a while but you will come through this, look back in the future and think "what a lucky escape that was"

peacoat Sat 25-Jul-15 17:58:06

He's being a complete arse, and showing that he's not interested in the relationship, but also not deserving of you.

So yes, you've done the right thing. Even if you initiate the breakup, it's always hard.

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