Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Don't know whether to be worried or pissed off, or just need to get a grip!

(14 Posts)
HuckleberryMishMash Sat 25-Jul-15 00:15:45

I've been on a 3rd date this evening. We met at a restaurant roughly equidistant between where each of us live.

We have really hit it off and have planned to spend next weekend together (his suggestion) so pretty sure he is keen on me.

The weather here is abysmal. Driving back to my place tonight was ghastly and I came across branches in the road/impassable flood water etc.

When I got home I texted him to let him know I made it home (over an hour ago) and haven't heard back, despite when we parted ways me saying to him that I wanted him to let me know when he got home (after he'd said the same to me).

I can't stop worrying about whether he got home ok, but I'm 90 per cent sure he's tucked up safely in bed asleep and just didn't bother to let me know he got back.

This happened after our first date as well but I thought less about it then, partly because at that stage I just thought maybe he wasn't interested but also, I suppose, I hadn't formed any attachment to him really at that point.

Whereas I now have high hopes for this relationship except that right now I'm flitting between being irritated with him for not letting me know he's home and worrying his car's in a ditch somewhere.

Argh! Anyone got any wise words?

BathtimeFunkster Sat 25-Jul-15 00:22:51

Go to bed?

Stop worrying. He's probably fine and just forgot, like you said.

Probably your stressful journey home has you a bit geed up.

Have you a nice book to read?

[turning into my mother]

Creatureofthenight Sat 25-Jul-15 00:24:52

He might have just forgotten?
When we visit my mum, she always says, text me when you get home ( is quite a long journey). If I remember within 2 hours of getting home it's quite an achievement on my part!

wafflyversatile Sat 25-Jul-15 00:26:35

His car is not in a ditch somewhere.

He said to you 'let me know you've got home safely'? And you said 'you let me know you've got home safely too'?

If he's anything like me if he got the text when he couldn't reply he's probably subsequently forgotten then fallen asleep or thought you have by now so didn't want to wake you.

I have a couple of friends who always say to text when I get home and I almost never remember.

KatieMaddocks Sat 25-Jul-15 00:33:15

Go t bed, he is fine

HuckleberryMishMash Sat 25-Jul-15 00:40:06

Thanks everyone. Gentle 'get a grip' advice heeded...

wafflyversatile Sat 25-Jul-15 00:44:31

good night.

SurlyCue Sat 25-Jul-15 00:51:06

Tbh it probably isnt something he does most evenings (and i'm sure he gets home safe most evenings despite not letting anyone know wink) so he has probably just forgotten. And really, at 3 dates in, i would drop this request. It was probably said out of an attempt to look caring and not something either of you need to be doing. You arent a couple, when it would feel natural to text that so just leave it until it does feel natural. Otherwise you'll just annoy yourself/panic each time he forgets.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Sat 25-Jul-15 07:40:53

How are you OP, did you get to sleep ok? I'm with everyone else on this one. Also, third date is way way too soon in my book to be talking about attachment and high hopes, you're putting a lot of pressure on things. Hope you keep hold of that grip smile

HuckleberryMishMash Sat 25-Jul-15 08:24:16

Morning!

I slept absolutely fine thank you (I'm a bit of a cat - I can sleep anywhere regardless of what's going on).

I didn't realise that it's unusual to let the other party know you've got home after an evening out. All of my friends do this, so it's not that it's something I 'expect' because we're dating; it's more that a quick text and everyone knows that everything's fine. My date can't think this is too unusual as when I was out without him earlier this week he asked me to let him know that I got home ok (which I thought was a little funny).

Also, again whether talking about friendships or relationships, the norm amongst most people I spend time with is to text and say 'thank you for a nice evening' or something along those lines.

SurlyCue , I'm going to take your advice and drop this request. I will also stop letting him know that I've got home. If that bothers him, then we can reinstate it as a reciprocal thing.

OneDay , I didn't express myself very well. I'm not putting any pressure on things. 'High hopes' and 'attached' weren't really what I meant. I suppose after the first date he was a guy who I knew nothing about and didn't have any expectations of any sort of relationship. After yesterday evening I know he is a guy who I now consider myself to be 'seeing' and that in itself is something to be pleased about. And I do care enough about him to care that he got home safely, but then I would have that same feeling about a friend.

If anything, I've had to slow him down. Last night he talked about booking a holiday (just a passing mention). In my view it is far too soon for that!

sebsmummy1 Sat 25-Jul-15 08:27:00

I imagine he just got home, zonked out and will get the message this morning. Don't fret it.

DontKillMyVibe Sat 25-Jul-15 08:29:19

I think him not texting when he got home is the least of your worries with this one - talking about booking a holiday on the third date and him trying to go at a too fast pace is something you should pay more attention to.

HuckleberryMishMash Sat 25-Jul-15 08:37:44

I'm absolutely with you on that DontKill.

I learned the lesson of letting things to move too fast with my last relationship which ended awfully (after an intense first three months my feelings evaporated over the space of a couple of weeks and I had to break up with someone who thought he had met the woman he was going to marry).

I have been clear with this guy that I won't be booking a holiday with him at this stage and that he needs to chill out a bit or he'll scare me off!

HuckleberryMishMash Sat 25-Jul-15 09:58:28

Update...

As you all knew, and I suspected, his car is not in a ditch. He's fine!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now