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What's wrong with him??

(13 Posts)
3rdbump Thu 23-Jul-15 16:42:02

A week or so ago I posted this on here :m having a shit time sad
Partner went out last night and didn't show up till 10am. Crying on the phone this morning saying if was the worst night of his life and shat had happened was horrendous etc .....He said his friend left him in town (10 mile from home ) said friend picked him up this morning and dropped him off at home. He came in stinking drunk and Refused to tell me what happened and went to bed.
He often drinks and gets jn states (pleas read previous posts on here) and turns up at stupid o'clock. I have a 4 week old baby to take care of as well as a 2yr old and our older too who are 10 and 11. I am also breast feeding which is hard anyway and working from home (self employed) and just exhausted and am afraid it's going to tip me over the edge into pnd. I am trying to stay strong and positive but it's difficult.
zhe obviously has an alcohol problem. He's not nice to me.
I can't afford to live where I do alone and the tenancy is in his name I have bad credit so estate agents will t look at me and no guarantor. I feel trapped.
Am sorry I just need to vent :/

Since this happened he said he would quit the drink. Fair play he has done. Not a drop since this happened even when we went to a big family do and people where encouraging him to drink he refused.
problem is he has been down right nasty with me. Not physically just really argumentative, moody and shirty with me. This morning I refused to have sex with him as still quite tender and without tmi the baby is only 6 weeks old, am breast feeding and the last thing I want is sex!! We gave done it 3 times this past week or so - not like it's been months and months. So basically he flew into a mood. I got out of bed and offered him a tea which he refused. He went into the kitchen and made himself and the kids a cooked breakfast, didn't offer me any. He then went into the bedroom, I asked what I did wrong etc, tbh he annoyed me so I just told him to f off. He said don't worry I am. He then stormed off to work.
I can't be arsed with this shit. He talks to me like crap 80% of the time everyday . He's fine with everyone else and the kids. It's just me. Yet when it comes to the crunch and I want out he's all sorry this sorry that. He has stopped the drinking for now do if he really didn't give one then I suppose he would carry on drinking?
Am so fed up. I can't speak to him. He does not listen and flis off the handle. There's no "good time" to get him. I feel like am walking on egg shells. As soon as he finishes work he is in bed watching films etc or anywhere I am not. He avoids me.
He's not doing much for my self esteem! I need hugs and reassurance and support not some fucked who clearly treats me like a dick!! :/
When we have family or friends over he is so nice to them. From the outside he looks like the perfect man/dad. Am not saying he's a bad dad because he's not. He just treats their mum like shit sad
I just need a gigantic shove to get me out of this relationship. What's wrong with him???

Jan45 Thu 23-Jul-15 16:48:16

FGS, he's awful yes, right now you don't need this kind of arsehole in your life, can you go back home, I would recommend you do, he sounds worse than having a baby, to hell with that, he's already checked out anyway, god knows what he's been up to.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 23-Jul-15 17:06:23

Any man who treats his dcs' mum 'like shit' is NOT a good parent nor is he a desirable role model for impressionable young minds.

What's wrong with him is that he's an alcoholic who checked out of your relationship some time ago.

You are best advised to look to move to a place you can afford asap as he's not going to change.

For the future could you please return to this thread rather than starting another one otherwise those who respond won't have the whole story and you won't be able to see the progress (or lack of it) you've made since you first posted here.

Smorgasboard Thu 23-Jul-15 17:16:43

Forget what's wrong with him. Fix why you are still there putting up with it. He can't avoid you all day, then think it's ok to demand sex fgs! Or rather, he can if you allow it. Why are others not having crap like this? Because they have dumped the ones that behave like this at the first sign, so work on your boundaries. You can't change others, just yourself, for a better life. GL

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable Thu 23-Jul-15 17:25:15

I can't afford to live where I do alone and the tenancy is in his name I have bad credit so estate agents will t look at me and no guarantor. I feel trapped.

You want to leave but feel you have no housing options to make it happen, is that right?

Do you want advice on housing options?

3rdbump Thu 23-Jul-15 17:34:51

Ketchup yes please

FargoFGS Thu 23-Jul-15 18:00:51

-Do you have friends or family anywhere really that you think you could rely on?

-Have you been working prior to this? You have in total 4dcs?

-Where are you based? Might help us to narrow things down?

Lacoba66 Thu 23-Jul-15 18:43:02

When you say you can't afford to live alone, have you checked out HMRC for working tax credits? Even as self employed, so long as you state (and can roughly prove) that you are doing 16hrs, then you should be entitled to help.

It may be doable.

3rdbump Thu 23-Jul-15 18:46:47

Family and close friends live 90 mile away. I am self employed and work from home, Internet based . Yes 4 dc.
My son is due to start secondary school in sept er, he has dyspraxia and has a statement and he doesn't take to change well. It's taken so long to start adjusting him into school in September, he has been having lots of extra days there which the school have organised. I would feel bad if I had to move him out the area :/ staying where I am is a better option for the kids. I do have a few friends here.
It's shropshire I live. It's just so expensive :/

wannabestressfree Thu 23-Jul-15 18:50:34

Will he not leave for the sake of your son?

3rdbump Thu 23-Jul-15 18:54:06

Yes he would. Problem is the tenancy in his name. It is through an estate agency but ll lives up the lane and we pay rent direct to her. We are meant to be building a house and half the plot is in my name, this was only ever meant to be temporary.
Do you think I would be entitled to a bit of housing benefit?

MakeItACider Fri 24-Jul-15 00:01:49

Op, if he's only stopped drinking for a week, then he's probably detoxing, and suffering from physical and emotional withdrawals from it. That might explain some of his behaviour. I'm curious as to what happened to him while he was out too. Because it sounds as though it was something quite serious, judging by his behaviour.

That said, he's being an arse to you, and you don't deserve to be treated like that. Especially with such young children. (Seriously, you had sex with him 3 times in 1 week, just 6 weeks after giving birth???!!!)

With working tax credits, maintenance from your (ex) partner, you could well be able to afford the house on your own.

airforsharon Fri 24-Jul-15 15:55:30

Have you looked at the tax credits site OP?

taxcredits.hmrc.gov.uk/Qualify/DIQHousehold.aspx

Also google solicitors in your area who deal in family law/divorce and offer a half hour free consultation. Finding out where you stand legally and financial will put you in a stronger position to make changes. He sounds like an utter arse.

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