I am a mother to a 3 month old baby. Recently, I found out that my husband has been frequenting escorts and sex clubs. It sounds unbelievable but sadly true.
I have always had trust issues with him, as he feels he doesn't need to tell me where he goes, yet keeps constant tabs on me. This has always been a sore point with us, but I decided to trust him. Especially as we have now had our first child together and he is usually a wonderful husband and father, that I would have no worries.
Anyway, I did the dreaded relationship killer move...I checked his phone. I found msgs from a friend of his, who I have never met, talking about how they had a great time at a club they went to. I searched the name online and found it to be a sex club. This was so shocking to me and my immediate reaction was to confront him, however after thinking LONG AND HARD about everything, I tried to look at the bigger picture. I naively thought that just because he had gone along to this club with his friend, it didn't mean that he actually partook in anything. I have no proof. Secondly, I looked at his phone. I would never have known otherwise.
My main priority however is our child. Although I am disgusted of the thought of what he's getting up to, so soon after the birth of our child, I thought that although I would love to leave my husband, now that I have a child, I have to think about them and I really don't want my child to come from a broken family. So I kept silent...I didn't say anything and my husband is none the wiser.
However, last week he mentioned that he needed to go out. I became suspicious as he was shady on the details. Prior to this, he bought me a gift for no reason except that I'd been a 'great mother and wife'. It seems so cliched now. Anyway, once he returned I went through his phone again and found a text giving him an address. I made a note of the phone number and typed it into Google and found that it was an escort service. I felt sick to my stomach and this time it was really difficult for me to hide my disgust. I immediately became cold with him.
He suspected something was wrong and kept asking if I was ok, to which i responded 'yes' despite wanting to punch him in his face.
He then became withdrawn and moody, that i was in a bad mood! What a bloody cheek! I later looked through his phone and saw that he had deleted the text message. So either he suspected I went through his phone or he just thought it best to erase all evidence.
I gave him the gift back, as I now knew it was purely down to guilt. I didn't make a scene, just that it was not necessary to give me a gift for no real reason. He seemed surprised but accepted my decision.
I FEEL TOTALLY LOST!
I want to leave him. I want out. I work and earn a decent salary, but am on maternity leave, so I am not financially dependent on him. But all i can think about is our child. I desperately dont want to affect his life.
I hate myself because if it was a friend or anyone else, I would be telling them to leave. But now i'm in this position, i see that it's not so easy. I am totally gutted that he's done this, so soon after the most wonderful thing in our lives happened to us.
I don't understand, as my sex drive has always been higher than my husbands! But now I'm questioning everything. I have been nothing but a good understanding wife to him and a great mother to our child, who I love more than anything. He has always loved that I don't nag him or stress him out, so why is he doing this?!
He's still a nice person, which is why this is hard. I know for a fact, not a single person would believe me if I told them. I am keeping this all to myself because I can't talk to anyone, even my best friend. I feel humiliated and know that my friends would tell me to leave him.
He thinks I'm an idiot...I'M NOT! I want him to know what I know, but he will somehow make out I am ruining the family by being nosey and looking through his phone.
I hate him but i have to pretend to carry on.
This is killing me inside but hopefully it will make me stronger. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right??
Sorry for the length of this...writing this has been therapeutic for me.
Thanks. C x
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Husband thinks I'm an idiot
16 replies
candace80 · 23/07/2015 10:44
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