Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

***_Domestic violence_***

(23 Posts)
Eskaybi Thu 23-Jul-15 00:01:20

Hi .
I'm a victim of domestic violence. My husband pulled me by my hair, kicked and punched me while my kid was present in the room.
1. My child has given evidence of this violence in video recorded police interview, confirming all that happened.

2. The next day my body started hurting from the whiplash of kicking and punching, (I did not have any bruices) i I went to my docs surgery where doc established that it was due to muscle injuries, by being beaten up.

My question is:

1. Is the evidence strong enough for CPS to charge my partner ?

2. If yes and proven gulity, what type of punishment are we looking from court?

Plz help ... and advise.

Golightly133 Thu 23-Jul-15 00:13:38


Golightly133 Thu 23-Jul-15 00:13:59

Sorry I have no advice x

CuttedUpPear Thu 23-Jul-15 00:16:48

Yes, it's assault.
You need to report him to the police.

Lweji Thu 23-Jul-15 00:17:36

When was it?

Is he still living with you?

Lweji Thu 23-Jul-15 00:21:42

More than any punishment, you want to make sure you are safe.
You can ask for court orders to keep him away from you.
Alternatively, you could go to a shelter.

Eskaybi Thu 23-Jul-15 00:36:41

I reported him to police just after the incident he is on bail with conditions of no contact and no access to our family home.

Lweji Thu 23-Jul-15 00:44:27

That is good and the most important thing for you.

Has he respected those orders?

Eskaybi Thu 23-Jul-15 00:51:21

He has for now....although he got in contact with my relatives earlier but has been cautioned by police not to.

HowDoesThatWork Thu 23-Jul-15 00:53:23

Report that contact.

Now, go on.

Lweji Thu 23-Jul-15 00:58:01

What outcome do you want from court?

Eskaybi Thu 23-Jul-15 01:16:25

That's exactly my question.... plz refer to my 2 questions in the post.

PoundingTheStreets Thu 23-Jul-15 01:16:51

Are you supporting a prosecution?

The CPS are a law unto themselves and there are a lot of variables. Did attending police wear a body cam? Have you yourself have given a statement/video interview? If you did, you should have been asked if you consented to police having access to your medical records, as your doctor's notes confirming what you put in your post will all add to the evidence.

As for what your H could get, it varies enormously. If it's a first offence and at ABH or common assault level, it would be unusual for him to get any kind of custodial sentence.

If you're not on board with a prosecution, are still with your husband and the only evidence the police have is your child's statement, it may be the case that the CPS decide the pressure on your child is not in the public interest to proceed with.

Every case is unique and no one on here can tell you what will happen, only what might.

My advice would be to support the police as best you can to protect yourself and your child by getting this man out of your life.

Good luck. flowers

wreckingball Thu 23-Jul-15 01:22:55

I don't know what punishment he might get but hope you get the support you need.

wreckingball Thu 23-Jul-15 01:24:55

How long ago did it occur, you Doctor's records will be evidence I'm sure.
Did you take photos and date them?

Bogeyface Thu 23-Jul-15 01:46:00

I guess that you are asking because you want to know if you will be safe after the court hearing.

Sadly no one can say because courts tend to (seem to) make it up as they go along.

However, certain things will go against him. If he has previous convictions for domestic violence, if he has previous convictions for violence outside the home, if he has a record of any kind.

Your best bet is to make it clear in your victim statement that you do not feel safe and that you do not want him to be able to approach or contact you.

If his behaviour was witnessed then its likely his lawyer will advise him to plead guilty so he gets a community sentence (so not prison) but the magistrates can also make sure he doesnt contact you or your son. Access will have to be dealt with via a third party (a contact centre would be best, insist on that given that the violence happened in front of your son) but you dont have to be the one to organise it.

Any contact from anyone he is related to or is friends with should not be responded to but should be reported to the police.Keep any messages/letters/emails/FB messaged you receive and copy and paste them to somewhere safe.

You are the doing the right thing. Keep the faith, we are here for you. Where are you (roughly) in the country? There will be MNers near you who may be able to give more specific advice if you are in England/Scotland/Wales as the laws are slightly different.


goddessofsmallthings Thu 23-Jul-15 02:46:51

How old is your dc? Are the police aware of your visit to your GP and of his/her findings in relation to the beating you sustained?

Is your case being handled by your regional police authority's Domestic Violence Unit, have you been assigned an officer or worker who specialises in DV as your point of liaison with the police, and has a MARAC (Multi-agency Risk Assessment Conference) been scheduled?

As stated by PTS above, the CPS is a law unto itself and you're best advised to await the decision as to whether your ex will be prosecuted. Don't be tempted to drop the charges you have made and be sure to report any attempt(s) to persuade you to do so to the police.

In cases of common assault and assault occasioning actual bodily harm contrary to Section 47 of the Offences against the Person Act 1861 the Magistrates' Court is able to pass the same maximum penalty of 6 months' imprisonment for both offences but, also as PTS states above, first offences rarely result in custodial sentences being handed down.

As a victim of domestic violence you may be entitled to legal aid in respect of divorce proceedings and in obtaining any injunctions such as non-molestation and/or occupation orders which may be deemed necessary to protect you and your dc.

If you haven't made contact with, or been referred to, Women's Aid I would suggest you call and ask for recommendations for solicitors in your area who specialise in divorce and family law and have specific expertise in cases of dv.

If you are not minded to petition for divorce you should, nevertheless, take steps to ensure your h cannot return to the marital home until such time as he has attended a course for dv perpetrators and you can be reasonably assured that he will not re-offend. However, it must be said that courses of this nature do not have high success rates.

I'm so sorry that you've become a victim of dv and, in particular, I feel for your poor dc who witnessed their df's violent attack on you. This incident has undoubtedly been an horrendous shock for both of you. Talking helps - you'l find a lot of support here and I hope you'll encourage your dc to offload their fears, feelings, and concerns by talking to you.

flowers for you, honey. No matter what your h may claim caused him to flip out, it is NOT your fault that he did so. Take care and go easy on yourself and the dc in the coming weeks.

Eskaybi Thu 23-Jul-15 06:18:14

OMG.... I am so thankful for your help. Posts by pounding the streets ...bogeyface and goddess of small things have been extremely helpful.

1. I am supporting the police as best as I can. I am supporting the prosecution.
2. The police had a small camera which was on at the time they came to our house and found my child and me crying and very upset.
3. I have given a full written statement to police telling about 2-3 attacks a year. ( this being 1st in front of our child)- only one 10 years ago resulted in me phoning police. Then saying I'm ok I don't need you any more under threat of being hit or beaten again.
4. I have given permission to access my medical records which state the muscle injuries.
5. I have not attended any calls from family or friends from his side.
6. I am locking all doors and checking them several times a day.
7. My partner is on bail with conditions.
8. As for my child I keeping things as normal as I can ... talking and comforting as well as looking after my child's emotional and psychological needs.

I am petrified of the thought that he might return and harm us.

I appreciate that you all are so helpful and very very kind.
Thank you so much.

EE123 Thu 23-Jul-15 06:50:04

Check out these links:
I would contact Womens Aid first.

You don't say how old your child was, but he may need some emotional support as he witnessed the violence.

Eskaybi Thu 23-Jul-15 07:03:45

I have booked an appointment regarding my childs emotional well being but your link is very useful too. Thank you so much ...
child is 11

Lweji Thu 23-Jul-15 07:59:09

As you have clarified quite a few things now, I found that it helped to keep reporting him when he crossed barriers. Even messages.

My question was because many women end up worrying for their former partners and doubting themselves.
I'm glad to see that's not the case. smile
It looks like you will be fine. You acted to protect your child from being abused through the violence on you. You should be very proud of yourself.

Then also remember that abusers are mostly cowards and mostly need for people to keep standing up to them.
The best thing you can do is to keep with your normal life. Seek help for your son, yes, but you have been the one who has suffered the most and you need support too. I second women's aid.

Still, make sure you keep safe, as some men may try to ambush their victims. Keep your wits about you, just in case.

Regarding the CPS, be patient, as it may take a while.

But I wouldn't concentrate on that part. For the sake of justice, yes, but personally it's more important that you can now live a safe life.

Eskaybi Thu 23-Jul-15 08:27:37

By my case worker I am given a solicitor to contact for injunction. Solicitor told me it will cost £1200-£1500.

My case worker did not tell me of any other options.
8 was shocked to find out that if I take injunction myself it would cost £100. And on the day of end of bail or incase of case dropped from CPS ... Police would take out injunction for me free of cost.

It left me feeling very stressed as all I was being told was legal fees.

My name is on the mortgage with my partner (he is the one who always paid mortgage and other bills.... I work just over 16 hours. I get paid just over £500/m.

Currently I'm residing in our house with my child, as my partner is on bail.

My question is:

1. If I get injunction can I continue to stay in our house with my child?
Would that be a safer option ...or would moving far away would be better?
2. If yes.... who pays the mortgage and bills.

3. Can I request council to move my child and me to some other city away from the abusive partner?

4. Am I eligible for housing or other benefits.... untill I find a full time job.

Plz help.... I'm desperate.

PoundingTheStreets Thu 23-Jul-15 09:29:49

Eskaybi - you've been incredibly brave, but I'm not surprised you're feeling so scared and desperate.

A lot of people will advise you to stay in the house so that you don't lose your claim to it. There are ways you can do that if that's what you want. Even if your H is on the mortgage, he can be made to leave. However in cases of abuse you have to balance that against your safety and your peace of mind/ability to start healing from this. Sometimes, the monetary value is worth losing if it allows you to be in a mental place where you feel safe to start over. And while your H can be legally instructed to contribute to costs to support your children, that doesn't mean he will or that he won't use that role to continue to try to control you. That's going to have to be your call.

If you want to leave, you will be eligible for housing support. I'd advise you to get help for this through a support worker though. The police officer in charge of your case will be able to direct you to someone to talk to about that. The reason you'll need guiding is that you'll have to prove you haven't made yourself intentionally homeless by leaving (in cases of DV this doesn't apply, but you'll need someone to verify this). I won't lie though, getting this to happen while moving to another city if it's with a different council body is not easy. If it's within the same council, it's less of an issue.

If you have no income, you will be eligible for benefits even if your H is paying maintenance. Again, I'd ask for Womens Aid or your local domestic abuse organisation to support you through that, as there can be a delay in getting the application through.

Good luck. flowers

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now